31stJanuary2012

I really am having some trouble trying to figure out why I am still friends with Lean right now. She really doesn't understand how much I would do for her, how much I care about her or how much I love her. After how she has always treated me, I shouldn't be friends with her at all. She is always letting me down; any time we plan to met up with just the two of us, she forgets and doesn't bother mentioning it on the day or after. To parties such as my dads and Chris', she put other peoples parties before people who she is most close to; for the one at my house it was only a few hours before which she told me she could not come to, as she had 'forgotten about the other party which she accepted the invite to months ago'. She does 'string me along' as such, by telling me every now and then that I'm her best friend, but really I know her heart is somewhere else. I so badly wish I would just be able to let go of a friend as bad as her, but really I know she is such a good friend at times too. However I'm in a negative mood and don't want to say anything about her niceness [which under-weighs the nastiness] at all right now.

I have only painted my nails once this year, just this Friday night so they were ready for the party on Saturday night. The nail polish came off the next afternoon, leaving my nails to look tacky. It's really bothering me that I've managed to pick most of it off other than a tiny bit left on my thumb.

Alex is another thing which I'm really irritated by right now. I hate that some people can be in a relationship as deep and meaningful as ours, just for one of them to let go of the other and leave them to fall. I have just been looking through a few hundred photos of him on my laptop, most of which are times which were shared between us. I would do nearly anything to get those times back, to be truly happy again. Thinking back, I haven't been that happy in a long time </3