11thJanuary2012

'My great start to the year', not so great start to the year I should have written. I know I have brought most of this sadness and doubt on myself, and only have myself to blame. I'm watching a programme at the moment about teen mums, it's reminding me about my pregnancy scares.. Only scares because I was uneducated and thought I would get pregnant any time I had unprotected sex. When I lost my virginity it was unprotected, the next day I was in such a worry and so was Alex. We both thought the chances that I would be pregnant was around 75%, which is pretty stupid but we slowly forgot about that. We've had so much unprotected sex, it's unbelievable that I have never been pregnant; Alex and me are very grateful that I haven't been. I have only talked to Alex about it once very briefly, but I really feel like I may have troubles of getting pregnant when I am older. After my mum had me she tried for years to have another child, and even had IVF 'treatment' around four times I think, all failed. The doctors haven't found any reason to why my parents can't have any more children together. I really think I want to find out whether I can have children now, rather than wait until I am trying for children and find out that I cannot have any. It really would upset me if I couldn't have children, I dream of having a middle to large size family.
Today I have been missing Chris quite a bit, I blame this on the amount of time we usually see each other. I miss Alex less, simply to the fact that we don't see each other too often however I do miss being on the phone to him every night and knowing that he is okay. It has only been 1/3 of the time which I won't be talking to either of them for but I do miss them both dearly. I prefer meeting with Chris outside somewhere in a public place such as town because we both act more like friends and not too close. I am in a missing mood at the moment and feel like the night laying in bed trying to get to sleep will be a long one. Positive thoughts will help us through <3