29thJanuary2012

The day I first got back into contact with Chris and Alex. Not in the best way I have to admit, calling them both and on the third time leaving them a drunken answer message asking to meet up on the Wednesday and Thursday. Both of them received the message and replied to me. Talking to Alex today through only a couple of texts each, I've worked out that he's a very busy kid and per usual is putting me to the back. We will not be able to meet at all this week, but quite possibly next week. Chris on the other hand, instead of leaving it until next week asked to meet up tonight as he was in the area. We sat in his car for about an hour and a half. I honestly had no idea what it would be like, but really I don't think it went too badly. At many times it was quite awkward as we have not spoken in a month and since we made the silly mistake of having sex, of course I cried as soon as I got into the car and was hyperventilating a little. Eventually it wasn't too bad though, we shared cuddles and thoughts. I've found out that it was Leans fault that everybody from their school knows and that Alex knows about it too. I am very wary of her, and will continue to be so. She has simply let me down so many times now, and I'm quite sure she bitches behind my back about me at least once a week. Chris kept telling me how he is over me, and so we talked about my problems with Alex, which was really really nice. I do believe Chris understands a lot more than everybody else how I feel about Alex, without judging me. Nearer to the end of the night with Chris he started to get really flirty, trying to get to my boobs and on several occasions coming close to my face as if he was going to kiss me. As much as I want to think he's over me, I can't because of how he is still behaving. I really think he wants to believe it too, and thinks the more he will say it, the more he will start believing it and it will become true. Chris is seeing someone at the moment, this doesn't bother me at all, what does bother me though is how I think he will still be towards me if they get properly together. Chris and me probably won't be as close as we ever were, as in a friend way; this really bothers me. Right now I feel like I can talk to Chris about anything, I truly do love him so much. I have missed him over the month, as I have with Alex too. I can't really see things going with Alex so well, simply because anything revolving around those two, I have lately been negative about. But then again, if you think the worst then there should be no disappointment. Unhappy thoughts </3