23rdFebruary2012

Once again I have been terrible with leaving my blog to the last few minutes of me being awake. Today I got woken up at 12.30 by mum, who'd rather wake me up by telling me than waking me up with the hoovering. I chilled in bed for a while, online and listening to The Wombats. I went outside for the last cigarette that I could have before the pack is gone, however now I'm wishing I saved it for the night time. I didn't have one right before I went to sleep last night either, and ended up having extremely weird dreams! In one dream I had sex with a lion which could talk and told me I shouldn't worry about what other people think about what is happening. In another, Dan from The Wombats was into me and I wasn't sure if I should go for it too, saying that he had a girlfriend but everyone told me they were breaking up so I changed my mind and went to go get protection but when I came back he changed his mind. In another dream I was hiding tobacco from my mum as it was all in my bag. I'm pretty sure I had other strange dreams too, however cannot remember them. Lean came over tonight, I was a little reluctant at first but it slowly got better as we played Mario Kart, I guess I enjoyed her company. Lean can be really fun to spend time with, however she is way to untrustworthy for me to be able to say anything to her now.

I don't think highly of drugs at all, they completely disgust me and I have such a dislike for most people that even do it a little. Lean was saying how Alex was smoking weed socially, but I did not want her to catch onto the fact that I don't know he's been doing it recently. She said it as if he's been doing it quite a lot, and not telling me about it. I don't expect him to bring it up at all, but instead I will next time I'm with him. He knows my opinion on drugs, and I know what his opinion on smoking was. When he broke up with me, one of the hundreds of reasons for breaking up with me was that I started smoking once again. I'm going to be so mad at him, even though I have no right to be. If I find out he has been doing it quite a bit, I will look down at him so much. Right now I'm really feeling to hurt him! I care about him doing it so much. I feel like if he does it, then I will eventually be more relaxed about it and possibly even try it myself. Me being me will probably then try other drugs and get myself heavily addicted. I really fucking hate Alex for smoking weed and not being honest with me. Drugs are fucking shit.