13thFebruary2012

I hate the feeling of being alone. I think I liked how Chris and I were before, he actually cared about me, even if he acted as if he didn't sometimes. I don't feel like I should trust Chris right now, he comes across as if he just wants to use me for sexual favours, whereas before it was also to do with wanting to be close to me and he genuinely felt something towards me. I want him as a friend, and nothing more, but he can't seem to accept that. He's phoned me up again tonight and mentioned sex, because of the type of person I am, I think I probably will end up having sex with him. He tells me that I want it from him, he tells me how I feel and he tells me what to do. That is one thing which always head fucks me, and it is so easy for people to do it to me once I start to trust them and really need them in my life. I want to stay close with Chris and I think that if I don't let him have sex with me that he will forget about me, and I would much rather my life gets more messed up with confusion and pain than to be forgotten about. We will never be safe in this life.