16thFebruary2012

Today was the day that Alex made the effort and spoke to me before I spoke to him for the first time this year, I have been awaiting this for sixteen days now. I woke up in a really terrible, irritable and angry mood, for one of my first thoughts was that Alex still has not made any effort and it's getting silly now at how much he hasn't bothered and seems not to care. I was so irritated by it that I complained to somebody about it, which is something I would never normally do. It was at 6.38pm that he messaged me over Facebook, he had obviously noticed that I was unhappy through statuses and tweets so said 'Will you please cheer up? :(', along with thanking me for visiting him at work on Sunday and 'any chance youre going to talk to me anytime soon? missing you', of course that would head fuck me and then I started to get upset and cried for a solid ten minutes. It took me quite a while to reply to him as at first I was in shock that he messaged me and was scared to see what he said, and then took a while after to think of a reply for him. After a few messages I was fine talking to him, however it was obvious that I was not completely okay with him, but really that's just me being upset in general, mainly because of him. He asked how Stigg and Steffy were [the teddies], and said that he was worried that I may have ripped their heads off or something because I wasn't his biggest fan, which is completely unbelievable and really I have been doing to opposite and giving them as much love as I can. Towards the end of the conversation it seemed as if he had given up trying to make an effort, which is slightly expectable because of the replies I was giving, however he should have realised I still wanted to talk to him as he knows what I am like. At 22.51 he left to go to sleep, which to me is strange as usually he seems to be up until his internet dies at 12, unless he is doing something tomorrow morning. He also wished me a good Friday, probably meaning he won't be online to speak to me tomorrow and won't text me either. I am happy that he has spoken to me! But am seriously scared  about when we meet up to have a proper talk, as what I tell him has a good chance of ruining our friendship completely. I know his opinion on me will most definitely change for worse. The thing that will ruin the friendship is something that happened nearly a year ago, so I will ask him if he wants to know even though it may result in us never talking again, but then it's his choice. I would like to be honest with Alex, and I hope he will accept me still, but this may very much not be the case. It's hard to know when it's better to tell the truth or just leave it in the past </3