8thJanuary2013

I've had a really nice day, it's a shame about the evening. I've spent the day with my best friend, we first went to look at two gyms, got a gym membership, chose out gym clothes, and then celebrated with food. It's a big achievement for the both of us, as neither have ever had a gym membership or done much exercise over the age of ten. My biggest worry about going to the gym was being by myself, but thankfully she mentioned the idea first and I tagged along, which she was more than happy about. I'm still a bit worried about going to the gym, especially about seeing people I know there, but I'm sure it'll go fine, and hopefully we'll both stick to it!

I'm so mad right now, after yesterdays heartache I would have thought he would want to sort things through once we've both had a bit of time to think about it all. I wouldn't have even been too bothered with us meeting up today IF HE DID NOT ASK TO. Instead he makes plans with me, allows me to get happy and excited over seeing each other, and then goes and stands me up. He phoned me at the time that he said he would be over, to ask me how I was, what I've been up to, and then let me down once again. The worst thing is that he left the whole day to tell me, instead of telling me earlier, so that I can have a little pick me with with my friend before I'm sat at home waiting for him. I really am sick of it. I can't be bothered with him right now, it is not okay.

I discussed the whole yesterday situation with my best friend, she was reasonably helpful. She somewhat knows the girl that he is interested in, and it doesn't look very good for the two of them. Apparently she's has sexual control issues, getting off with anyone available. I very much hope this is the case, as I don't feel this is the type of girl that he is into whatsoever. I don't wish things to work out for the both of them, and I hope she throws it back in his face. I will probably feel bad for saying this later, but right now I am so angry at him.

He strings me along, he knows it, but I allow him to. It's not very pure of me to allow him to do so, but I take what I can get with him. I would rather something, than nothing. He finally realised yesterday that what he has been doing for these nearly two years, is not right. It has not been fair on me, and he wants to stop it even if nothing escalates with this new girl. I completely understand him, I want it to stop too, but I'm far too afraid to let go of what we have.