11thJanuary2013

Being with a friend who likes you more than that, isn't such a nice thing. Although he knows I don't have feelings towards him, he stays in hope. I guess I can blame myself for this as some 'what goes around, comes around' thing, but god dammit. My friend's having to stay at my place tonight and tomorrow night as we're going out see a band and he won't be able to get back to his accommodation until Sunday. I do enjoy spending time with him, and I somewhat like the attention, however it's not fun having to tell him the same thing time and time again. He is a lovely person, but he doesn't realise that he's going to end up hurting himself if he carries on this way. I have a tendency to lead people on, and then leave them standing. It's not a purposeful action, but it happens because I get confused with my feelings and end up kissing them. I hope this doesn't happen with him on our drunken Saturday night out, but I suppose he will try. He is setting himself up for false hope.

College was not the greatest today, as I had to finish off another piece of coursework and get it handed in. I managed to get it all done, but that was by working through my lunch, and missing two lessons (three hours). I feel better now that it's been done, but this panic feeling comes around weekly as we tend to have a 2000 word report to hand in every Friday. The two lessons that I did go to were nice, as I understood what we were talking about well, and it was nice to spend time with friends.

This evening I have been to my families house, from around seven pm to one am. I had to drive back home afterwards, which went rather well considering how tired and cold I was, but I think this is mainly due to how many cars weren't on the road. I talked a little with my cousin over the whole ex situation, and she asked me how I was feeling about it all. I'm not sure how I feel exactly, I'm just trying to ignore the situation until I am forced to deal with it, which seems like it may be tomorrow as that will be when I will be seeing him, with a possible her there too. I played with my little cousin who is seven?, it's nice and relaxes me as it means I can act like a child again. Unfortunately I still have the same temperament as a little child, but still it was nice.