Although it was only yesterday that I last saw my ex, I was ready to see him again. I had a sense of urge to see him, which is something I use to get a lot throughout the first few months of dating. I feel this is related to how strongly I'm feeling for him at the time. Today though, it was so that I could talk deeply with him about remaining friends.
I haven't done much earlier in the day, so I'll snap right into it. There was a lot of talking being done over nothing, as I wanted to put the conversation off for as long as possible and spend as much time being happy with him as I could. My thoughts are that perhaps we shouldn't be friends any more, or remain in contact. Cutting off the relationship may make things better for the both of us, as we're both absolutely hopeless when we're with each other and I'm still locked in love with him. We've had this conversation quite a few times since he broke up with me, and it always results in the same outcome of us remaining friends and sorting out our problems as we go along. I don't want to stop talking to him at all, but it could make things better for the both of us. I don't believe that it will be easy for me to not feel pain about him being in a relationship, so my preference would be to protect myself by not talking to him. This is not currently happening, so I don't feel like I want to stop talking to him or that I could. Not talking to him would be really hard, and I don't believe the outcome would be worth the pain of missing him. I brought it up with him so that he would make the decision for me, but that didn't go as well as I planned as had just as much of a problem as me at making a decision. We finally decided to remain talking, but try to keep apart a little as every time we get together we end up being intimate, just like tonight. It started with me sitting on his lap for warmth as we were outside in the car, along with the obvious feeling of wanting to be close to him. One thing lead to another and after it all he said 'you're right Amy', meaning that we do need to distance ourselves. I was a little hurt after he said that, however he never once said that he wants to stop talking. Again he mentioned that he wants to remain friends even if he's in a relationship, and he even said that the girl would never get a choice in our friendship; if she didn't agree with us being friends then the two of them would go separate ways. Although he is willing to put a relationship before my feelings, he would never put our friendship behind a relationship. Him being so kind about the situation really made me feel safe with us, we really have stuck as good friends through so much. I appreciate our friendship very much, it is truly something beautiful.
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