My dad is always such an ass hole, which is intensified in the mornings and when he's been drinking. Sadly for me he had gone to sleep late last night as he had been drinking and then had to wake up early this morning for work, so he thought it would be a brilliant idea to start an argument with me and make me feel like absolute crap. I was left feeling so upset, angry and worthless this morning, I sat in my bed crying and thinking for about an hour, then fell asleep as I wouldn't be okay for going to college.
I am far too emotional, this has always been a problem in my life but I've seemed to had my peak. I seem to have been able to get over being emotional when I'm drunk, as I use to always cry at the end of the night and then fall asleep. I can always find the littlest of things to cry over, or think deeply about and get upset over it.
This morning got me thinking of the times he's hurt me the worst, the times which have stuck in my mind. The one thing he's done which I think was the worst, and possibly got me the most upset is when we were having an argument, I said "kill yourself" as I always do, to which he replied "why don't you try again like a fucking retard", this was only a little while after I had actually tried to kill myself, which he was fully aware of. I seriously think I hate my dad, and I very much enjoy any pain which is caused to him.
I was once again supposed to do course work today, however far too much procrastination was involved in my day, so I will be planning to do it tomorrow on my day off. Instead of doing coursework I was on the laptop for most of the day, I've played a lot of tetris tonight, with Alex which was very fun and as he's a newbie to the game, it's very adorable for me to watch.
I am in so much hope that Alex and me will become something more once again, I wish for it at every chance I get <3
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