I wonder if he even knows how much he leads me on and messes me about. He has been doing this for almost a year and three months now, it's always the same but I remain full of hope that one day we will be back together. We act completely the same with each other as we always have done for the near three years, but instead now just hide it from other people. I've heard a countless amount of times that we're so good together, we would be so good together and that we should be good together that I really do believe it, and I believe I would think that even if I wasn't hearing it every week. Everything seems so normal with him, and I have no idea when I will able to finally let him go, I'm dreading it. We have such a strange relationship that barely noone seems to understand, we should either stop continuing our relationship like this, or get back together. I feel like I've been left in limbo.
My mum's thinking about breaking up with my dad right now, she's messaging his niece about it as they tend to have drunken phone calls and cry about their life down the phone. Mum's in hope my cousin Anneli can set my dad straight, and show him how badly he treats the both of us. I prefer my mother than him by just about 100%, so I may be a little opinionated but in all seriousness I don't think my mum does anything wrong, possibly moan a little too much but really that's needed with both of our laziness to keep us in good shape. I'm not worrying about this all too much, as I don't think they will break up but it most definitely is a possibility.
I've got my first proper night out drinking tonight, we're leaving to go into town a little early though as mum's dropping us off and she starts work at 8. I'm feeling a little excited, however I know I will have to worry about other people [Rachel] keeping themselves safe. She got off with 13 guys in one night out last weekend, and what bothers me most about this is that she thinks it's so normal and something to be proud of. I would be truly disgusted with myself, and have been when it was one guy that I found on a night out. I don't think anyone should act like this, it is disgusting behaviour however I know that most people do it on a regular basis. I am happy with how refined I am when it comes to getting of the pull, I would much rather settle down with one person and be sure that it is them who I really like than get off with some guys who I have no interest in at all and will have no contact with in the future. Another thing that helps with this opinion is that I'm afraid of getting any diseases, whether it'd be from having intercourse or just kissing. I will be taken care of tonight, as I have lots of my friends around me who care about me dearly. Thank fuck for friends <3
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