10thMay2012

This is being wrote a little later, as last night I fell asleep far too early. I went to college, and had a nice day with Rachel. We had a few free hours, which we spent in the library not doing coursework, and going to the cafe to talk and give each other updates with our lives. I had heard some news the night before, but still am indecisive to whether it is bad or good news, it's about my distant family and their past. When I first heard about the subject around three years ago it hit me hard, and I was very upset over it for a while, but thankfully I had already heard the worst. This was stressing me out the night before, and I was feeling really angry about it in first period, sadly I didn't have any cigarettes on me and instead was craving them all the way until I got home as this was stressing me out. As we were walking around college Iain [the guy from college I like] walked past, as he did he smiled at me and waved too before I gave him recognition, I smiled back and said hi, I feel this is something worth mentioning! That actually brightened up my day a lot, I was very smiley afterwards and still am feeling happy over it, call me sad if you would like but his face is absolutely gorgeous. The weather all day wasn't good, but at least it wasn't raining.. Until I had two hours of practical outside then it decided to start pouring it down, I wasn't very impressed. After that I got a lift home with my friend Rhys, rather than my aunty as he was already there and I would get home quicker and possibly enjoy spending time with him more. I feel bad however, as I text her 5 minutes late to tell her I was already home, and I got a reply that she had been waiting for me for the past 20 minutes, I felt really bad, however am confused to why she was there that early. I had arranged with Alex to meet up with me, so that he could get me a packet of cigarettes as I was all out. I started to walk to his with Webster at a little after 7, all the way from my house to his I was carrying a snail that I found and let it slime all over my college waterproof jacket, I named it snowy and let it go on a tree by his house. Alex said he didn't want to stay out too long, but changed his mind after a while, and I ended up staying with him from about 8 until 10 at night. We talked about the thing that was bothering me, about my family problems as he's aware of it, and he's really good at calming me down and making me feel better about things. As we could tell we were going to be together for a while longer we sat under a tree at the side of a field by his house and let Webster off the lead to run around. We had been in that field several times before, and have embarrassingly even had sex in that field one night when I was very drunk, horny and he was just about to go on holiday for a week and leave me. We cuddled up together and sat on my waterproof, I lead myself down his body and gave him head, which he willingly let me do. We then made it back to his house to say goodbye, and I had a happy walk back. It shocks me that we once weren't okay with kissing each other, or at least I wasn't and would get extremely upset and distressed by it, mostly ending up crying into his chest as it was all too much for me. I'm happy that we're both over that stage, however I do wish things would be a little different between us :(