Being so angry last night and having so many thoughts going through my mind left me getting no sleep whatsoever, and I am most definitely paying for it now, as I have been all day. I started to read Alex's conversations because I wanted to know if he has talking about me in a caring and loving way, but of course not and I shouldn't have been so silly to think he would. I first got a glimpse over the drug talk because it said blahh blahh blahh "because I really don't want Amy finding out". Which of course got me intrigued in what he was hiding from me, my first thought was a girl he had gotten of with, and then it clicked. As I read more and more I realised how much he was keeping from me, making me even more furious.
It was around 2 - 2.30 in the morning that I started to find out about all of this, and kept my disgust levels up by continuously reading what he had written over and over again. I was planning to get to sleep, however it was getting light outside and I would have great difficulty, so instead at 5 in the morning I took my dog for a walk. The walk ended up being close to 2 hours long, leaving my feet in blisters now. It allowed me to clear my mind a little. I texted him to see if we could meet today, however he replied at 12 saying that he would have to spend the time after work with his grandparents. He sent a text which required a reply, however I ignored both of these and didn't bother to start talking to him until he texted me 22.22 <3 which then I said hello to him on facebook. He can tell something's up, however I can easily blame it on my lack of sleep.
I am still not okay with him, and wish I wouldn't forgive him so easily but my soft spot for him is ridiculously big. I really need to stop all the sexual relationship stuff we are doing with each other, however I don't have enough will power for that.
zzz Goodnight zzz
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