2ndMay2012

I really do think something is wrong with me, I always have a lack effort and am too tired for anything, it's really getting ridiculous. Today however I've started to write this blog at 21.25, so most hopefully I won't fall asleep while half way writing it, or something else won't steal my attention completely.
So lets start with my Friday night, as I've already talked about the day time until Alex was pretty much arriving. As my parents were going away for the weekend I saw this as my opportunity to do what the fuck I like, thus inviting Alex to stay over on Friday night and planning a party for the Saturday night. Alex arrived at my house a little after 7, as far as I remember, we were both loving right from the start of the night. I honestly quite wanted something to happen with Alex, not to sound desperate or anything even though I'm sure there's no other way to go around it. I hadn't had sex since the first day of the year, and that wasn't with Alex, and I just like to feel closeness with Alex, rather than sex sex sex please. I had drank about one and a half cupfuls of Sourz before and just as he arrived, as I was in a slight mood for drinking and I felt this would help my chances of getting some, along with me to not get upset over anything minor and instead be happy. This did in fact work, there was no crying from me, and instead just pure happiness, which would have been there anyway as I was with him, but possibly just intensified this or my excitableness at least. Per usual when he first got here Webster is very happy to see him, and this can now last for a good 10 minutes of squealing and jumping up at him because of how much they now see each other and are around each other to how it use to be. Alex stayed with Webster for around 5 minutes though, locked him on the other side of the gate and then followed me upstairs. I had asked him to bring Stigg and Steffy, who are very happily next to me right now! I gave them a really big cuddle with them both and then laid them to bed. I feel like they're both of our babies, so we take it in turn to have them both, but more so him because technically they are both his. We were both in my room for quite a while, for most of the night actually just talking and joking around, giving loving gestures. He noticed the film Red Riding Hood by the side of my bed, which I was borrowing from Sean and asked if we could watch it together downstairs. So we then grabbed all our babies, duvets, pillows and relocated downstairs on the sofa. We stuck the film on and cuddled up closely together, spooning actually which is extremely comfortable and comforting! I was quite tired, so told him to tell me if he was going to fall asleep and he said okay. I hugged our babies tightly, with him holding my body close to his from behind and fell peacefully asleep. I woke up again at 2, after waking up at around 12 right at the start of the film, it was now at the end of the film going through the warnings and Alex was fast asleep. I woke him up, laughed at him a little and then we made our way upstairs to bed. Sadly for him, once I have woken up while I am around him, I am in a very weird mood which makes me want to just be awake with him, and giving him the inability to sleep. I am not being over the top at all when I say this was going on for a good 2 hours, with him trying to sleep. I managed to occupy my time with rubbing his back, attempting to get my hand down his boxers, blowing on his tummy, kissing him and many other things which are easily irritable when someone's trying to sleep. I looked at my phone to see what time it was, and say that it was a few minutes until 3.33, so I got it and then showed him to share the happiness. It took him quite a while to realise that he won't get to sleep until he's given me a little bit of attention, so he asked if this is what I wanted and made my way down my pants, it was highly arousing I must add. We both did a little something for each other and then made our way to properly sleep. I woke up at 9 that morning, as I never tend to sleep for very long when he's sleeping over, I had a very comfortable sleep though with his arms wrapped around me. I can very confidently say that I have missed having him over to sleep so much, and being able to show my love for him without any one else judging it. I laid in bed for about an hour on my laptop while he was still asleep with his head laid on my chest like a little baby, it was very sweet. When he woke up he was hard, per usual so I took this as an opportunity to do a little something, we both used our hands on each other, and I went down on him. We had dry sex too, which isn't all that bad, it's more to get us both in the mood for something else. He moved himself away from me several times, to stop temptation. As he laid on his back, with me on my hands and knees on top of his body with his fingers inside and me with my hand grasped around I was really in the mood, I said 'Alex' in a way where he understood that I was going to ask something, he replied to me with a 'yeah', I kissed him on the shoulder and continued to do so every time he asked like that until he asked me properly what I wanted, I lied and said that I just wanted to kiss him on his shoulder, but he already knew that wasn't what I was going to do or ask. He knew exactly what I was going to ask, and even said that he was sure of what I was going to ask anyway, but said nothing more and continued what we were doing. A little while later I said 'I want sex with you Alex', and shortly afterwards he got a little more into it too and went inside. The sex was good and he used a condom for the second half, so that he could relieve himself. He did want to keep on going until I orgasmed, however I knew that wasn't very likely so told him to just go for it instead, as he did so when we were going from behind. It wasn't awkward afterwards at all, happy and loving instead. It feels to me that things now will be much better between the two of us, and he won't be worrying about new years with the Chris thing. I tried to keep him for as long as I could, but he got picked up at 12.20 by his dad. I made him a 'nomelette' for him before he left though, which is a omelette in bread which I always use to make for him every morning when he use to stay over weekly. I thoroughly enjoyed my night spent with Alex, and I hope it can happen extremely soon again!

It's now Saturday morning, as Alex has left and I've been feeling very knackered from my lack of sleep and excitement. I walked around the house for quite a while, missing Alex ridiculous amounts and feeling very out of it. I attempted to get back to sleep a few times, but it wasn't happening so I showered up, got ready to go out of the house and at 4 went with a friend that could drive to Tesco, to get alcohol and a packet of cigarettes. He drove me home and we kept his alcohol there too, another friend came over earlier to leave his drink there and then come back later too. I got into the shower again as I had stuck my hair up to go out, and then redone my face too, but the second time with a lot more, instead of simple eyes with mascara. My friend Sean [from down the road] comes over at 7.20, already making me aware that he'll be over earlier and we chill for a while, with me still getting ready for the next 40 minutes. Usually my friends are always late to everything, so I wasn't expecting anyone to be on time. First of all Adam turned up with Joe, for me to later find out that Chris had driven there, but not even bothered to say hello to me, I feel this is really fucking rude and I don't know if I can even be bothered with him any more! Next it was Nick and Ben, who walked from somewhere 10 minutes away. Then Sam, who text me that his parents were making him a little late, and then phoned me while outside asking if he's got the right house, indeed it was and I opened the door for him, still unaware of who it was until he was right at the front door as I didn't have his number. Just over an hour late Lean arrived, with a bag which had clothes to stay over in, and then telling me Adam would be staying the night too. After nearly two hours of the party starting, Rachel and Elisa arrived, the last to get there. We all dance, drank and talked with each other. I feel that everyone enjoyed themselves, or very much hope everyone did anyway! Sam and Joe were the only ones to leave that I was concious for, soon to be chucking up into a bowl and then put to sleep in my bed while everyone else was downstairs enjoying themselves. It was around 2 that I passed out, and I was planning to phone Alex just before as I sent him a text, I am very happy I wasn't capable of doing so though because he wouldn't have gotten a nice sound of me being sick or whatever bullshit was going to come out of my mouth. I woke up at around 9 the next day, and being very out of it in the morning I leaned forwards in my bed to kiss Alex who was laying next to me, good thing was I opened my eyes just before and then realised that in fact it wasn't Alex, and instead Lean. To be fair, I would have much rather kiss Lean that anyone else at that party, and she would have understood and laughed hysterically along with me. I woke up to hear people still talking all around the house, only one other person had left in the night, leaving four people who were supposed to have left still there. I wasn't too happy finding Rachel and Ben in my parents bed, I actually find it quite disgusting and can't believe either of them would even think of going into my parents room, my respect for the both of them have both gone down. These two didn't know each other for the night, but I guess Rachel is an easy drunk and Ben is an extremely flirty drunk, as he was flirting with all four of us girls and I guess taking his options, even though he has a girlfriend! There was a lot to clean up on the Sunday, but that was soon followed by Noodle Nation with Lean and Adam once everyone had left and I had showered up. It was tasty, however not as good as it has been as I was hungover. I cleaned a little more when I got back, and texted Alex that I would love cuddles with him right now. He text back 'really?' and then soon made himself over as he could actually come to see me because he had finished work an hour early. It was an amazing surprise, and I loved so much that he would make the effort to come see me on such short notice, it was his idea and he has only seen me the day before! He had to leave at 6 though, so I walked him up to the garages and let him find himself home, texting me as he arrived home to make sure he was safe. That night was very lonely and long, I felt a little helpless but cuddled up to Webster and Jasper for the night. I have already updated you of Monday and afterwards, so you can read that somewhere else.

Today I woke up at 11.30, after falling asleep last night at 12 and then being woken by Alex sending me a text at 3, which made me very happy at that ridiculous time in the morning. I replied to him, got 3.33 with him, turned my phone on silent and went back to sleep with our babies. I was extremely tired when waking up today, and just wandered around the house for a while and on my laptop, then mum came home just after 12. I had lunch with mother and then soon made my way back to bed once she had left again. I went to sleep at 3.15, and woke two hours later from my dad coming home from work. Per usual  have spent my day doing unproductive things, which revolve around my bed and the internet. It's 12 now, and I'm feeling very sleepy, so sleep soon I'm sure.

I really need to start changing the way I write my blogs, to make them more appropriate and more appealing for everyone, not like I have any visitors anyway but just encase, and for my little self respect that I have left =/