Last night with Chris wasn't bad at all, he was pretty tired so he went straight to sleep, rather than trying anything on with me which I very much appreciated. When he woke up in the morning however, he held my hand as it was laying out of my bed, and softly tried to awaken me. I was very much out of it when he said 'can I get into bed with you' as my reply shouldn't even be classed as a reply, it was simply just a 'uh' noise, however if I was fully awake, my answer would have been yes. He got into bed and I think we laid there for a good 30 minutes, me sleeping and him resting, possibly slightly trying to waken me up. He had morning glory, and I'm pretty sure he wanted something to happen as he was sticking it close to my body, tensing it and had his hand on my leg. My legs were fully clothed with leggings so I wasn't too bothered, along with the fact I was very tired and just wanted to sleep. He left pretty much as soon as I got out of bed, as I had to start getting ready for nans. It was just before 12 which I finally woke up properly. It took me around two hours to get ready, with my parents sorting out their room too ready to leave. At nans I played with Ashleigh, my young cousin and we all chilled in the front room [as her flat is small]. I had a very nice time at my nans, we even got Noodle Nation for dinner which I was very happy about. Since we've been home, all I have done is be on Skype and just general things online. I've enjoyed my night, however I feel sorry for my friend Dan who I saw the other day, as he told me tonight that he liked me. He didn't seem too bummed out though when I told him I didn't feel anything towards him, and I think that our friendship didn't grow enough for him telling me this to ruin it, and instead now he knows to focus of the friendship and not to try to start a relationship with me. I'm happy things went so well with him.
I think it's horrible to see someone going on in their life with too much hope, it happens far too much to too many people, but sadly this is happening to me and I'm sure it will be for the rest of my life. I try to not be so hopeful and try to be more realistic, but really I just need to hold tightly onto what I want to survive. This is mainly all revolving around Alex of course, I wish things would be the best than they ever have been, and we were back together. I miss him, and feel the need to repeat this feeling over my head again and again every night </3
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