8thApril2012

Right now, Chris is over an he'll be staying the night in my room, but on a camping bed. VERY much hopefully he won't see this, and never will, but there's always the risky possibility, so this may need to be a short one. I woke up just after 12 today, with my beautiful cat Jasper on my bed. We snuggled for a long while, well at least 20 minutes anyway. I managed to see the time at 12.34 today, it gets me quite excited. I showered at a reasonable time today because I wanted a cigarette out of my bathroom window, and I got away with it. However my parents are aware that I'm smoking again, which they found out a few days ago. My mum said she realised because I'm lighting incense sticks and have been going for walks a lot lately, however I have lighted two or three incense sticks in the last month and haven't gone out for walks too much because simply I am lazy. After I showered I went out with my friend Sean, who lives down my road. We walked to the park and were on the swings laughing, singing, dancing and talking for a good 30 minutes, until it started raining and we started to walk back to mine. We watched Pirates Of The Carribean 2 while at mine, then he went home to have dinner, came back and we watched Bad Teacher. Around halfway through watching the second film, Chris arrived. He asked to take his stuff to my room, so I went up there with him, while up there he was a little forward and tried to hold my bum while we were hugging, I pulled away because I don't want anything to happen. Through the night he has been holding close to me, it has seemed a little like it use to be when he liked me in December and before. He has held my hand while we've been sitting on the sofa, rubbing my body scenserely and pulled his body close to mine while we were laying on my bed. When things are like this, I feel like there may be a chance that I do like him and feel like we could be something one day, however I do love Alex, and I think that will always be the problem getting inbetween Chris and me. Alex text me at 22.22, while my text was sending to me, it made me very happy as it means he was thinking about me too without any communication from me first. For the past few days Alex and I have been talking until late at night, and last nights conversation ended in a 'love you' from him, without me saying it first. Things like that send me wild, and keep me very hopeful and in love with him. In the end, I think I will always have a very big soft spot for him, and will always be a little hopeful and in love <3