This blog is getting written far too late, I was caught up in the moment of the days happanings that it completely passed my mind, however it is definitely worth mentioning. I will have to apologise for the spelling mistakes once again, as I'm using firefox on my nans laptop rather than chrome, which I definitely recommend. I talked to Alex the night before in a tipsy getting onto drunk state, and talked to him about meeting up on this day, he said he would have to talk to his mum about it before hand, which he does every time. I woke up through the night as I was dehydrated and text Alex, at around 4. I assumed that he would text me in the morning, after he had asked his mother if he could come over, but instead I got nothing. I kept waking up because was anxious, but in a good way, just not too sure of what word to use as I went to terrible secondary school. I really wanted to know if I could see him, as I have very much missed spending time with him, and I love it so. I was being hopeful so when I properly woke up at 11, I started to clean my room and then was getting ready before I knew that I was definitely seeing him. For some weird reason I always like my room decently cleaned with my desk cleaned up, everything polished and a clean floor, this only happens with Alex and I don't understand too well why, but I most definitely do try for him. I texted him through the day asking what was happening, and we got to the end result of him coming over mine, after he finished work, went home for dinner and then would be over at around 6.30. I painted my nails, not that I'm too good at it but I feel happier with them done now. I had a shower and then moisturised just because of that slight chance that his fingers would go across my bare skin. And I also dolled my face up, with of course mascara which I always wear, and then foundation, lipstick, lipgloss, blusher and eye shaddow too. I also straightened my hair, which I haven't done in a good while, I always make the effort for him nowadays. He was a little late, but got here in good time to a free house with me, we went straight into my bedroom per usual and loitered around for a while then made our way into bed. I had put the heaters on for a good while before so that it would be very hot, in hope that it would influence him more to have less clothes on, this worked out for me very well, especially as we were under the covers. We layed there for a while being innocent and just holding each other close, however that was far too hot so I asked for his top to be off, as he did for mine. Our bodies were pressed against each other, sharing body warmth and feeling so emotionally close, it truly was amazing, most probably going to be in my mind memory book of all my favourite times that we've spent together. One thing led to another as it usually does with us two, we kissed many times, all over his torso, around his neck and of course his lips too. As I was pressing my fingers across his body I slowly made my way lower, aiming for inbetween his legs however he was very resistant, the new years situation really bothers him, and I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to, but possibly a little bit of peer pressure instead. He took of my bra, without a lot of struggle and then caressed my breasts, with his hands and then after a while with his mouth, slightly nibbling on my nipple which is to die for. After a while he allowed me to go down his trousers, and slowly I started to rub his penis and slowly getting onto sucking it, but in a loving way rather than plain horny-ness. The last few times we have met up, I have been on my perioud so he hasn't been able to go anywhere near that area, just instead tease me with telling me how much he wants to do. This time thankfully I was not on, and his fingers slowly made their way there, again this was more of a loving act than just because he could. I mentioned sex to him, however he didn't want to so I left it as that, really didn't want to push him too far or want him to regret it afterwards. He came twice, once inside my mouth and once over my bare top half, I must admit that it was pretty hot watching him come over me. We cleaned up and then laid their for a bit more, just sharing each others company and talking about anything that popped up. We ended up leaving mine between 10.30 and 11, the walk was quite nice with a few exceptions. I mentioned to him that Lean seems to think he is smoking properly now, which I am VERY uncomfortable with, especially as he use to be so against me smoking and still is however is accepting it a little more. He told me that he wasn't, however we had a cigarette each together, I didn't enjoy that at all because I don't like Alex being like that at all, in a way I think it would be like your child or little silbling smoking and I can't help but feel like I've supported this cause. I find some smokers attractive, but instead with him, a little bit died inside of me, he's slowly losing that little boy image which I fell in love with, however I am most definitely not out of love with him. We sat under the bus stop which is around halfway between both our houses, we snuggled there for a nice 10 minutes, he realised I wouldn't be saying goodbye easily so instead we went to the shop right behind, where he bought me surprise Revels, which is a good little reminder of what he use to do, he's very sweet to me. I then struggled very hard to let him go, but found myself keep on pulling him back close to me, it had to happen eventually though, however the whole of the night left me feeling extremely happy and loved up. We texted a little bit on the way home, and made sure each other were safe by texting when we were both home. I asked him for a little phone call just before we go to sleep, however that 'short' phone call lasted for a lovely 40 minutes, which was a very good phone call. Again the whole evening left me feeling great, with a big smile on my face which I could't hide or get away, but I don't mind. I had an amazing night with Alex, and I hope to do it very soon and much more often, and that he feels more comfortable with me eventually and hopefully soon.
Alex and I share a very special relationship, and I don't believe that many other people would be able to have a bond like that with someone. He knows me quite possibly better than anyone else does. I am deeply in love with him, even though we are not together and quite likely won't be ever again. He's a lovely friend to me really, I just let emotions get in the way far too often. My Little Wittle Alexx Wallex <3
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