I am absolutely knackered! Tonight I have felt so close to passing out, however distractions. I have been tired because 1. I had to get up early, and then spend the day at college, and 2. I stayed up until 4 in the morning talking to Alex on the phone. The phone call only lasted just over an hour and a half, however I shouldn't really be saying 'only', as that's a very long time, however we've had far longer. I asked Alex at around 2 if I could ring him, and then did so at around 2.45, so the blame can be all put on me. It was a very enjoyable conversation, we talked about our days and that's really the only particular thing which had a standard amount of thought put into, I like the detail and he likes it back. I asked him last Sunday when we met up to have an answer to my quesion 'can you stay over on the next week Friday' before this Friday, however there's still been no reply, we talked about it on the phone and as he has two gigs he would like to go to, on Wednesday and Thursday and then sleeping at mine and my party on Saturday, he wants to ask him mum all seprately, and feels it would be easier to work his wa round her like this. It annoys me a little that he still hasn't given me an answer, and I will be extremely angry with him if he doesn't stay round on Friday, no matter what the excuse is. Now thinking about it, I miss his cat called Lily, they only got her about a year to two years ago, she was a stray and she has a stump for a tail, she's the most attention seeking cat I have ever known, always mowing. At the end of the phone call last night, he started to fall asleep and even after several times of telling him to sit up and say a proper goodbye, he continued to fall asleep. He eventually got round to saying a decent goodnight, as did I. I slept nicely, even if it was only 2 - 3 hours sleep, before I had to wake up for 7. My morning was fine enough, was quite tired so don't remember that much of it, along with my night. All day, per usual I was with Rachel, we bond very well which is lovely. We had a set rota for what we were supposed to be doing at college, however we pretty much spent the whole day walking around instead, and helping out every now and then. We ended at 4.30, and I will hopefully be back there tomorrow with mum, Quin; who my mum is childminding, aunty Mena and my cousin Caitlin, I can already promise a lot of photos. I'm looking forward to it, however have a very big hope that it won't be raining tomorrow. I've been feeling tired as soon as I got into Rachel's mums car, and felt even worse when I got home. I walked Webster around the park very close to as soon as I got home as I wanted a cigarette, and had only had one at college in the morning. I had dinner and then made my way back to bed. I was texting Alex a little though the day, as he texted me first wishing I was having a nice day, later on he asked me if I am going to a gig that's on tonight, Delta Heavy and Doorly are playing, and he's going because he had been invited by a friend earlier on. The main problem is, it's Chris' own bussiness holding the event which he shares with just two other people, and I don't feel comfortable with Alex being anywhere near to Chris, I really fucking hope it went okay. I can't imagine Chris bothering to start anything on Alex, however if Alex has been drinking I wouldn't put my money on him not trying to start on Chris. I'm sure they'll both be okay, they're both reasonably smart. While I was at home tonight, Alex had just left to go to the gig and so I was going to have a nap, however family came round and my two little cousins Ashleigh and Caitlin were soon all over me. I managed to get them to go into the spare room for a while, to play with the dolls house however I soon got woken up by them. For the rest of the night I went downstairs and laid on the lofa, wrapped up in a duvay and watching telly with the family. I am very tired, and I'm sure it won't take me too long to go!
Things with Chris are really slipping away lately, since last year he has changed so much, and for the worse. He's so arrogant now and he's not a very good friend, he only really phones me when he's bored, and I don't feel like I cross his mind much more than a couple times a week. This really fucking upsets me, but I feel like it would be best for the both of us if I let it happen that try to fight for him, I cannot take the chance of him starting to like me again. He has damaged Alex's and my relationship unbelieveable amounts, and I truly want to kill him thinking about it, which is why I try not to involve Chris in my head thoughts when thinking about Alex and me. I hate seeing friends go, I should always do more, but this time, it seems different :/
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