23rdApril2012

I really do appreciate my friends, but only the ones which truly appreciate me back, I feel like my efforts and love go to waste far too often.
I have been at college today, which I was ready for on time and had arranged to meet up with Alex after college so that I could get a packet of cigarettes. The first two hours at college today were spent in breed welfare, I can remember barely any of it other than starting a group poster with Rachel and me, I made it colourful and put in lots of effort for it to look nice. I'm a very creative person, however my laziness often takes that away from me. For the next two hours I was up in the LC, doing one piece of coursework, which I managed to finish in just one day with adding another hours work into it at the end of the day. The course work was on how humans change the welfare for animals in different situations, such as for working dogs, animals in media, animals in sports and leisure and being used as symbols. It was quite an easy peice, which I was able to pretty much bullshit my way though, and hopefully I will still get a destinction or at least a merit as it had a word count of under 1500 words. The other two hour lessons I had was microbiology, one theory and one practical, however minimal effort was put into both of these. I share the theory lesson with two of my friends from my origonal class, Lauren and Zoe, who I enjoy having lessons with, we have bee known to get very hyper and excited. And in the second hour, the practical I sat on the side listening to music and talking to people close by, which was more than often James, a boy who liked me last year, but I've always made it very clear that I have no interest in him. Usually I would get the minibus home, however as I was going to Alex's, I got off on a stop by him and walke about 5 minutes to where I was meeting him. He bought me a packet as I stupidly forgot to bring any with me, and then we walked close by his house. We were talking about Stigg and Steffy, and he said that I could see them if I really wanted to, and straight after regretted saying it as he knew I would. We went into his house, and I said hello to his parents, brother and cat, which I would always do with a nice catch up talk with his mother and some hugs too. We then made our way upstairs to see Stigg and Steffy, his room was quite a mess, but I managed to make it into his bed and see our babies. He joined me soon after and we laid there cuddling for quite a while. Things progressed quickly today, we were kissing straight away and it didn't take too long for my mouth to be surrounding another part of his body. I loved it, and more importantly he loved it. Sadly though I was only there for around 25 minutes, as he had dinner, so I phoned mum and got her to pick me up. By 7.15 I was ready to go see my friend Sean, who lives down the road. We went to the flats together and sat for around 30 to 45 minutes sitting on the stairs just listening to music and talking. After that we went to his house and watched Red Riding hood, and since then I have came home and watched it over again, I am thoroughly enjoying this film. I have of course been speaking to Alex tongitht, which I do most nights and days.
I think Alex may feel bad that he's in a way using me, however of course he enjoys it very much. I just really don't want him to think he loves me, because of how I treat him. I want him to think this all by himself, like I know I will always feel like I love him, no matter how he was treating me <3