30thApril2012
Well this blog was left far to late to write anything decent about my past few days, I apologise. Right now I'm in a very shit mood, as things with Chris and me aren't good at all. I'm really mad so have asked to have a phone call with Alex again tonight, hopefully that'll make me less on edge and more happy and loved up, which he seems to be able to do very easily! I was supposed to go to college today, however I had Jasper and Webster [cat and dog] in my bed last night and they woke me at 4 this morning, so I texted Rachel saying that I wouldn't be in. I went back to sleep and slept until 11, with Jasper rubbing her head against my face to wake me up, she was hungry. I fed them both and then got on my laptop downstairs. I worked on and finished some course work today, and my CV too, so hopefully I will be out handing them to places soon. It was nice seeing my mum again, I do love her very much so and I got a nice glass globe thing with Paris things in it, hopefully there'll be a picture of it up here soon. I'm going up to have my bed time routine now and then ring Alex, goodnight <3
29thApril2012
I'm cheating a little here, by posting two blogs one after the other, and what makes it worse is that I haven't and won't be giving detail in either. My Monday blog will have to be something special, with extreme amounts of detail and photos. I may give time tomorrow to go through some other blogs too and add photos to them, which I couldn't do before as I was using my nans laptop.
I am actually reasonably scared of the dark, but thankfully not too much and it depends on the situation. Right now I'm not appreciating it at all, as I'm at home by myself with the animals. And now nighty time for me, as the heating's on very high, I'm right next to the radiator and it's making me very warm and sleepy =|
I am actually reasonably scared of the dark, but thankfully not too much and it depends on the situation. Right now I'm not appreciating it at all, as I'm at home by myself with the animals. And now nighty time for me, as the heating's on very high, I'm right next to the radiator and it's making me very warm and sleepy =|
28thApril2012
Hopefully tonight will be mental, but of course not too much with lots of things getting broke and people being crazy. Unfortunately I've got to be getting ready for a party at mine tonight, but I will talk about my lovely night spent will Alex soon :)
27thApril2012
I'm blogging this at 6.30 in the afternoon as Alex will get here and I don't particularly want him finding out about this blog, I can't imagine that would go well! Today I've been left all alone, I had a driving lesson at 1 - 2, which went very well and I learnt emergency stopping. Before that though I woke at 11, cleaned Rou's cage and half cleaned the fish tank, then finished it when I got back. And after that I've just been cleaning my room and getting ready for Alex coming over and staying the night, hopefully we'll both have a really good night :)
26thApril2012
My fourth and last day of college for the week, it was quite a bit of effort, but I have enjoyed being there for four days in a row slightly, I feel like my time has been spent more valuably and I have had a lot of progress on my work and work effort levels. I actually managed to wake up all by myself this morning, without my mum having to chase me up to get out of bed, which she has had to do for the past three days. My cousin drove me to college today, which wasn't bad at all, however it is a little silent at times, but not a awkward silence where I felt like I shouldn't say anything. My first hour at college was management, which is a separate course to animal management, however is included in it in a way. My next four hours were spent doing coursework, which seems quite strange as it doesn't seem like four hours now thinking back to it, I got another piece of coursework done while there today, and most of another however that will have to be finished on Monday and handed in then. My last two hours of lessons were work experience practicals, where for the first hour I was feeding amphibians, and the second I was carrying large food bags, I did a fair amount of work in that lesson! All my day have been very productive, I'm proud of myself! My cousin took me home too and since I've been here, I have just been sitting in my room, on MY laptop as it's back from the shop now! Was very excited and it even has everything still on here, so the memory hasn't been wiped.
Last night before I went to sleep, Alex and me had a phone call, but sadly I was still extremely upset about what happened the night before and I was very knackered, so was very silent. I will be having another call in a few minutes, it's now 1am now [next day], so will be writing this first before I have probably a long conversation with him. Hopefully this will go well <3
Last night before I went to sleep, Alex and me had a phone call, but sadly I was still extremely upset about what happened the night before and I was very knackered, so was very silent. I will be having another call in a few minutes, it's now 1am now [next day], so will be writing this first before I have probably a long conversation with him. Hopefully this will go well <3
25thApril2012
The actual day; starting off from 12, went pretty badly to start with, I was in a very foul mood and Alex has quite possibly bailed on me for this weekend. I'm not too sure yet what Alex's plans are for Friday and Saturday as I've been too annoyed to talk to him about it and toight he's been at a gig. He will be at a gig tomorrow night too, so I'm not too sure when we're actually going to talk decently about the night. I can imagine that if asks if he's still welcome to stay over on Friday, and of course I will say yes, that I will be angry still when he gets here, and neither of us will have a good time. It does my fucking head in when he does not sort things out properly, this is ALL his fault! I asked him around a month ago if he was free on these dates, and asked if he would like to save it open as my parents are going away. Since I invited him to stay over a month ago, I have been telling him to ask his mum if he can or not, and have really been up his backside about it in the past week or two. He is being REALLY unfair of me, he does cause me most of my pain and my stress. While we were talking last night he sent me this "there is a slight chance i wont be able to come on saturday, mum just decided to tell me we are seeing grandparents then -_- but wont stay too late so should be able to come still :) but if you want to invite other peoples cos i might not be coming i understand?.. and im sorry for being difficult :( was going to make sure i told you today wasnt just saying that cos it came up :P and did only find out today. Well techically yesterday :P Actually it may have been the day before :$" I was so angry at him last night that I ignored him for a good 30 minutes, then gave a short reply. It was very obvious that something was wrong, and instead of saying goodnight with lovely wishes and lots of kisses, he got a simple goodnight with a kiss and I signed straight off. I laid in bed thinking 'text me, text me, text me', things probably wouldn't have been any better between us two if he didn't text me, and I most definitely would have been raging more. The texting wasn't anything that special, just him asking me what's wrong and giving up easily after me saying no, which is a good thing because I would have probably gone mental at him. I still don't see why he has to wait until the last minute to tell his parents what he's planning, he has such shit excuses too. It's making me so angry again just thinking about it, I want to hurt him so badly right now!
I am so brain dead tonight, I'll be going to sleep now!
I am so brain dead tonight, I'll be going to sleep now!
24thApril2012
I've had a rather good day, there was nothing too bad about it which I can think about other than one of my baby fishes dying, me smoking and not seeing his impressive face at college. I was rusing around in the morning per usual as I left it too late to start getting ready, had a cigarette by the bus stop and then got the minibus to college. My first two hours were breeding and genetics, we got two bits of work done, in the coursework I recieved a distinction, and in the test I recieved a pass, out of pass or fail test with 85% of the test right, when you only needed 50% if I remember rightly. I was very proud of my work, especially as I seemed to get better grades than four other people who I sit with in class, and all but one seem to work a lot harder and seem a lot smarter than me. Afterwards we had an hour free and then lunch, so I spent those two hours doing my welfare and breed development coursework, which was about how people have affected the welfare of animals in different situations, such as: using them as symbols, sports and leisure, work dogs and a lot more, I got the whole piece done pretty quickly, and it looked very presentable. After lunch was two hours of training, however I could only be in one as I didn't have my practical stuff on me. In the one hour that I did attend, I just sat with the girls, probably getting too hyper! The last two hours of college were spend proof reading my coursework, handing it in and then doing some work on other pieces. We all had to get the college coach back today, and apparently will be doing so from now on, which I am not too happy about at all, it is very crowded and today it smelt of sweat and rodent bedding. I walked home for 20 minutes, have had nan over for dinner tonight, had potato for dinner, had a chat with Lean about whatever crops up, listened to the radio, been on the laptop and just genrally enjoyed my evening. I have now taken all the baby fish out of their breeding netting, and released them into the big tank with the larger fish, I have 5 minature fish, 4 bigger and the rest fully grown-ish.
I'm extremely excited for Alex coming over mine on Friday, I can already tell I'm going to be ridiculously happy and it's going to be a loved up evening, even if there is no sex or anything like that at all. I can imagine as soon as he gets here, there will be lots of kissing, and romance. I will hopefully get a back rub from him, and I will return the favour with possibly a little food rub too, however I don't feel like I'm that good at that. Rubbing his back with a strawberry [massage bar], turns me on a hell of a lot, it's the smell that hits me first, along with the feeling and of course I would have Alex infront of me topless too. I've requested to watch family guy, but that may be easily forgotten about, or in the background and I may be distracted from it. We will both be sleeping in my bed, probably each with just boxers on, our bodies will be very close and our legs intertwined, our faces will be closely pressed together, with our lips just touching. I really don't want to wait any longer, I wish I could have him in my bed every night <3
I'm extremely excited for Alex coming over mine on Friday, I can already tell I'm going to be ridiculously happy and it's going to be a loved up evening, even if there is no sex or anything like that at all. I can imagine as soon as he gets here, there will be lots of kissing, and romance. I will hopefully get a back rub from him, and I will return the favour with possibly a little food rub too, however I don't feel like I'm that good at that. Rubbing his back with a strawberry [massage bar], turns me on a hell of a lot, it's the smell that hits me first, along with the feeling and of course I would have Alex infront of me topless too. I've requested to watch family guy, but that may be easily forgotten about, or in the background and I may be distracted from it. We will both be sleeping in my bed, probably each with just boxers on, our bodies will be very close and our legs intertwined, our faces will be closely pressed together, with our lips just touching. I really don't want to wait any longer, I wish I could have him in my bed every night <3
23rdApril2012
I really do appreciate my friends, but only the ones which truly appreciate me back, I feel like my efforts and love go to waste far too often.
I have been at college today, which I was ready for on time and had arranged to meet up with Alex after college so that I could get a packet of cigarettes. The first two hours at college today were spent in breed welfare, I can remember barely any of it other than starting a group poster with Rachel and me, I made it colourful and put in lots of effort for it to look nice. I'm a very creative person, however my laziness often takes that away from me. For the next two hours I was up in the LC, doing one piece of coursework, which I managed to finish in just one day with adding another hours work into it at the end of the day. The course work was on how humans change the welfare for animals in different situations, such as for working dogs, animals in media, animals in sports and leisure and being used as symbols. It was quite an easy peice, which I was able to pretty much bullshit my way though, and hopefully I will still get a destinction or at least a merit as it had a word count of under 1500 words. The other two hour lessons I had was microbiology, one theory and one practical, however minimal effort was put into both of these. I share the theory lesson with two of my friends from my origonal class, Lauren and Zoe, who I enjoy having lessons with, we have bee known to get very hyper and excited. And in the second hour, the practical I sat on the side listening to music and talking to people close by, which was more than often James, a boy who liked me last year, but I've always made it very clear that I have no interest in him. Usually I would get the minibus home, however as I was going to Alex's, I got off on a stop by him and walke about 5 minutes to where I was meeting him. He bought me a packet as I stupidly forgot to bring any with me, and then we walked close by his house. We were talking about Stigg and Steffy, and he said that I could see them if I really wanted to, and straight after regretted saying it as he knew I would. We went into his house, and I said hello to his parents, brother and cat, which I would always do with a nice catch up talk with his mother and some hugs too. We then made our way upstairs to see Stigg and Steffy, his room was quite a mess, but I managed to make it into his bed and see our babies. He joined me soon after and we laid there cuddling for quite a while. Things progressed quickly today, we were kissing straight away and it didn't take too long for my mouth to be surrounding another part of his body. I loved it, and more importantly he loved it. Sadly though I was only there for around 25 minutes, as he had dinner, so I phoned mum and got her to pick me up. By 7.15 I was ready to go see my friend Sean, who lives down the road. We went to the flats together and sat for around 30 to 45 minutes sitting on the stairs just listening to music and talking. After that we went to his house and watched Red Riding hood, and since then I have came home and watched it over again, I am thoroughly enjoying this film. I have of course been speaking to Alex tongitht, which I do most nights and days.
I think Alex may feel bad that he's in a way using me, however of course he enjoys it very much. I just really don't want him to think he loves me, because of how I treat him. I want him to think this all by himself, like I know I will always feel like I love him, no matter how he was treating me <3
I have been at college today, which I was ready for on time and had arranged to meet up with Alex after college so that I could get a packet of cigarettes. The first two hours at college today were spent in breed welfare, I can remember barely any of it other than starting a group poster with Rachel and me, I made it colourful and put in lots of effort for it to look nice. I'm a very creative person, however my laziness often takes that away from me. For the next two hours I was up in the LC, doing one piece of coursework, which I managed to finish in just one day with adding another hours work into it at the end of the day. The course work was on how humans change the welfare for animals in different situations, such as for working dogs, animals in media, animals in sports and leisure and being used as symbols. It was quite an easy peice, which I was able to pretty much bullshit my way though, and hopefully I will still get a destinction or at least a merit as it had a word count of under 1500 words. The other two hour lessons I had was microbiology, one theory and one practical, however minimal effort was put into both of these. I share the theory lesson with two of my friends from my origonal class, Lauren and Zoe, who I enjoy having lessons with, we have bee known to get very hyper and excited. And in the second hour, the practical I sat on the side listening to music and talking to people close by, which was more than often James, a boy who liked me last year, but I've always made it very clear that I have no interest in him. Usually I would get the minibus home, however as I was going to Alex's, I got off on a stop by him and walke about 5 minutes to where I was meeting him. He bought me a packet as I stupidly forgot to bring any with me, and then we walked close by his house. We were talking about Stigg and Steffy, and he said that I could see them if I really wanted to, and straight after regretted saying it as he knew I would. We went into his house, and I said hello to his parents, brother and cat, which I would always do with a nice catch up talk with his mother and some hugs too. We then made our way upstairs to see Stigg and Steffy, his room was quite a mess, but I managed to make it into his bed and see our babies. He joined me soon after and we laid there cuddling for quite a while. Things progressed quickly today, we were kissing straight away and it didn't take too long for my mouth to be surrounding another part of his body. I loved it, and more importantly he loved it. Sadly though I was only there for around 25 minutes, as he had dinner, so I phoned mum and got her to pick me up. By 7.15 I was ready to go see my friend Sean, who lives down the road. We went to the flats together and sat for around 30 to 45 minutes sitting on the stairs just listening to music and talking. After that we went to his house and watched Red Riding hood, and since then I have came home and watched it over again, I am thoroughly enjoying this film. I have of course been speaking to Alex tongitht, which I do most nights and days.
I think Alex may feel bad that he's in a way using me, however of course he enjoys it very much. I just really don't want him to think he loves me, because of how I treat him. I want him to think this all by himself, like I know I will always feel like I love him, no matter how he was treating me <3
22ndApril2012
My plans for today were supposed to be to go to my college open weekend again, but with family and kid we're babysitting rather than working, however that didn't happen as mum wasn't feeling too healthy. We still had Quin over for the day though, she just didn't want to walk around for a couple of hours. It was nice seeing Quin, as we use to have him over quite a bit, but not so much now and this is the first time I've seen him this year! So instead of that, I was in a pretty shit mood for most of today, and spent my time in bed. I woke up too early at 11, as mum stupidly woke me up, so in my eyes she deserves all my horribleness of the day. There's nothing too much to say about today particually, other than seeing Quin and playing a little bit of Mario Kart with him. I have also planned to get cigarettes with Alex tomorrow, as I'm running very low and a 40 minute walk for them, and to see him are very much worth it. Sadly though I will not be spending any time with him, other than about 10 minutes going to the shop, which I'm sure will distress me greatly tomorrow. Off to bed at a 'reasonable' time now, 00.30, as I've got college and an early morning of 6.00//30 :o
21stApril2012
I am absolutely knackered! Tonight I have felt so close to passing out, however distractions. I have been tired because 1. I had to get up early, and then spend the day at college, and 2. I stayed up until 4 in the morning talking to Alex on the phone. The phone call only lasted just over an hour and a half, however I shouldn't really be saying 'only', as that's a very long time, however we've had far longer. I asked Alex at around 2 if I could ring him, and then did so at around 2.45, so the blame can be all put on me. It was a very enjoyable conversation, we talked about our days and that's really the only particular thing which had a standard amount of thought put into, I like the detail and he likes it back. I asked him last Sunday when we met up to have an answer to my quesion 'can you stay over on the next week Friday' before this Friday, however there's still been no reply, we talked about it on the phone and as he has two gigs he would like to go to, on Wednesday and Thursday and then sleeping at mine and my party on Saturday, he wants to ask him mum all seprately, and feels it would be easier to work his wa round her like this. It annoys me a little that he still hasn't given me an answer, and I will be extremely angry with him if he doesn't stay round on Friday, no matter what the excuse is. Now thinking about it, I miss his cat called Lily, they only got her about a year to two years ago, she was a stray and she has a stump for a tail, she's the most attention seeking cat I have ever known, always mowing. At the end of the phone call last night, he started to fall asleep and even after several times of telling him to sit up and say a proper goodbye, he continued to fall asleep. He eventually got round to saying a decent goodnight, as did I. I slept nicely, even if it was only 2 - 3 hours sleep, before I had to wake up for 7. My morning was fine enough, was quite tired so don't remember that much of it, along with my night. All day, per usual I was with Rachel, we bond very well which is lovely. We had a set rota for what we were supposed to be doing at college, however we pretty much spent the whole day walking around instead, and helping out every now and then. We ended at 4.30, and I will hopefully be back there tomorrow with mum, Quin; who my mum is childminding, aunty Mena and my cousin Caitlin, I can already promise a lot of photos. I'm looking forward to it, however have a very big hope that it won't be raining tomorrow. I've been feeling tired as soon as I got into Rachel's mums car, and felt even worse when I got home. I walked Webster around the park very close to as soon as I got home as I wanted a cigarette, and had only had one at college in the morning. I had dinner and then made my way back to bed. I was texting Alex a little though the day, as he texted me first wishing I was having a nice day, later on he asked me if I am going to a gig that's on tonight, Delta Heavy and Doorly are playing, and he's going because he had been invited by a friend earlier on. The main problem is, it's Chris' own bussiness holding the event which he shares with just two other people, and I don't feel comfortable with Alex being anywhere near to Chris, I really fucking hope it went okay. I can't imagine Chris bothering to start anything on Alex, however if Alex has been drinking I wouldn't put my money on him not trying to start on Chris. I'm sure they'll both be okay, they're both reasonably smart. While I was at home tonight, Alex had just left to go to the gig and so I was going to have a nap, however family came round and my two little cousins Ashleigh and Caitlin were soon all over me. I managed to get them to go into the spare room for a while, to play with the dolls house however I soon got woken up by them. For the rest of the night I went downstairs and laid on the lofa, wrapped up in a duvay and watching telly with the family. I am very tired, and I'm sure it won't take me too long to go!
Things with Chris are really slipping away lately, since last year he has changed so much, and for the worse. He's so arrogant now and he's not a very good friend, he only really phones me when he's bored, and I don't feel like I cross his mind much more than a couple times a week. This really fucking upsets me, but I feel like it would be best for the both of us if I let it happen that try to fight for him, I cannot take the chance of him starting to like me again. He has damaged Alex's and my relationship unbelieveable amounts, and I truly want to kill him thinking about it, which is why I try not to involve Chris in my head thoughts when thinking about Alex and me. I hate seeing friends go, I should always do more, but this time, it seems different :/
Things with Chris are really slipping away lately, since last year he has changed so much, and for the worse. He's so arrogant now and he's not a very good friend, he only really phones me when he's bored, and I don't feel like I cross his mind much more than a couple times a week. This really fucking upsets me, but I feel like it would be best for the both of us if I let it happen that try to fight for him, I cannot take the chance of him starting to like me again. He has damaged Alex's and my relationship unbelieveable amounts, and I truly want to kill him thinking about it, which is why I try not to involve Chris in my head thoughts when thinking about Alex and me. I hate seeing friends go, I should always do more, but this time, it seems different :/
20thApril2012
I am awake far too late on a night where I have to be awake early in the morning. I had a driving lesson from 1to 2 earlier, I thoroughly enjoyed it and drove very well in my thoughts. I was at home by myself for most of the afternoon, not doing a lot. At around 9 my friend Peacock came over and we watched Transformers, was nice not being alone for a Friday night, and he stayed until about 00.30. I have been talking to Alex since and it's nearly 2. I have enjoyed my day however tomorrow may not be so good as I've got to work at my college open weekend. I'm going to be hopeful for nice weather, however doesn't look very likely, wish me luck :(
19thApril2012
I'm not too happy really, I know it's a disgusting topic, however I would quite like to be on my period right now. For the last few months it has come around every three weeks [a week early], thus getting in the way of Alex going anywhere near me, it's extremely frustrating. He will hopefully be over next week Friday, and I would very much appreciate it if I wasn't on then, however it seems as if I will be, with my period once again ruining my happiness. That's my first rant of the blog, and first of many. Last night my mum asked me what time I will need to be up by for today as I had college, I said 6.30 and she was supposed to wake me up then if I hadn't already woken up. My alarm was also set for 6, with a snooze on for every 10 minutes, this however either didn't go off, didn't wake me up, or didn't go onto snooze. Instead of having the back up of mum waking me up, she decided not to and instead wake me 30 minutes later at 7, one hour before I was getting picked up by my cousin. One hour is NOT enough time for me to get ready in the morning with a shower, I am very aware of this which is why I set my alarm for very early in the morning. In the morning I told my mum this, in a very angry way as I'm not a morning person either, and so I went back to sleep and told my cousin I wouldn't be needing a lift. Mum was complaining at me that I was staying at home rather than going to college, however she is partly to blame too! I finally woke back up 12, which gave me a nice 10 hours sleep for the night, I had my morning routine and then was online for most of the afternoon. I finally showered at close to 4, which was well needed and it was quite lovely. I attempted some course work earlier, however the old microsoft word does my head in so that soon got quit on. Another thing I would like to rant about is that my mum still has not cleaned up cat sick in my room from yesterday afternoon! She said yesterday she would do it, I reminded her about it later that day and she told me she would do it later, she had then gone to bed still not cleaned it up so again I had to remind her, for her to then tell me she'll clean it up and she still fucking hasn't! The worst thing of all is that it smells, and it's right near my door which means I have to make extra effort to avoid it.
It hasn't been a very good day for me today, I'm not even too hopeful that tomorrow or the weekend will be any good. Sad times for Amy :(
It hasn't been a very good day for me today, I'm not even too hopeful that tomorrow or the weekend will be any good. Sad times for Amy :(
18thApril2012
Taxidermy has very much stolen my attention tonight, it's amazing how life like some of the animals can be made to look even after they have died, however most have a few flaws. I'm not too sure if I agree with it or not, but it most definitely interests me. Some can hold so much elegance, and it would be pretty cool to be able to say you have a pet 'whatever', and even better, it wouldn't die as such. I am not okay with animal rugs, mounted heads and when the stuffed animals have been added to, such as giving them wings or adding different animal's body parts to them to create a new animal. Then I feel completely different to some stuffed animals, skeletons and those which have been reserved in a jar [filled with liquid]. HERE is the page where I have been mainly looking at it. I don't particularly agree with this stuffed dog with wings, however this flamingo skeleton really captures my eye. I find it a little endearing if someone wanted to stuff their animal after it had died, rather than weird. Feel like I may be laying in bed thinking about this for quite a while tonight!
I have been off college today, however it hasn't been a productive day at all and there's nothing really too much to tell. I woke up at 12, from Jasper pushing her head into mine to get my attention and using me as an object to stroke her face. I attempted to move and stop her from doing it, but she continued and I assumed she just wanted letting out, I opened the door for her, got back into bed and fell asleep, I have no idea whatsoever how long I was asleep for, but she came back and did it again. She was later sick in mainly in my bedroom and a little on the upstairs 'corridor', which I then had to clean up and was gagging over. I also found my pregnant guppy fish, which was meant to give birth last night, dead as she probably got too stressed out. It really was not a good start for me, but things got better with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, loving from my animals, and talking to two lovely people called Alex and Seb. I've had an alright day really, just lazing about is never that bad :)
I have been off college today, however it hasn't been a productive day at all and there's nothing really too much to tell. I woke up at 12, from Jasper pushing her head into mine to get my attention and using me as an object to stroke her face. I attempted to move and stop her from doing it, but she continued and I assumed she just wanted letting out, I opened the door for her, got back into bed and fell asleep, I have no idea whatsoever how long I was asleep for, but she came back and did it again. She was later sick in mainly in my bedroom and a little on the upstairs 'corridor', which I then had to clean up and was gagging over. I also found my pregnant guppy fish, which was meant to give birth last night, dead as she probably got too stressed out. It really was not a good start for me, but things got better with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, loving from my animals, and talking to two lovely people called Alex and Seb. I've had an alright day really, just lazing about is never that bad :)
17thApril2012
I've had an amazing day! The college trip went down so well and I am most definitely certian this has been the best school / college trip I have ever been on. They had so many animals, here's what I rememer: fox, cow, penguins, cranes, flamingo, owl, emu, swans, badger, peacock, kookaburras, squirrel monkeys, lions, white tiger, black pantha, sloth bear, polar bear, baboons, pet cat, snakes, crocodiles, tortoise, turles, iguana, lizards, giraffes, zebras, cammels, horses, deers, llamas, pygme goats, rabbits and I'm sure very many more which I can't remember. I have MANY photos and a few videos too of all the cool animals and some of their tricks and training. I was extremely impressed by all of today, in particular when a lion and lioness were getting told to rawr and did so, there were so many times when I thought everything could go oh so wrong, but the animals were trained to their very best. It's amazing what type of animals can be trained and what they can be trained to do! I may post some photos on here in a couple of weeks, it would be now however nan's laptop is sickeningly slow. My favourite part of the day would probably have to be seeing the bear, I have such a love for them now after doing work which included the mentioning of bile farms. I would be very greatful if anyone would want to click HERE and check out this campaign which supports the end bile farming, they have already done so much however there is sadly still a lot of work still to do on it. Be friendly to the animals :)
16thApril2012
I feel that yesterday night spent with Alex has put me in a much better mood for college today, woke up feeling happy once again. Everything feels so right with him, the thing I am most hopeful about, is becoming as close to him as we use to be, and even try to start our relationship again. I feel like I just need to prove to him that I am fun to be with, I'm not going to be annoying, I wouldn't let my emotions take over and most importantly that I wouldn't cheat on him. This would all be a very long time away though, he doesn't trust me that much at all at the moment, which is what I deserve. I still however didn't appreciate my morning too much, and would have much preferred to stay next to Alex for the night, which I will hopefully be doing in less than two weeks time on the 27th, very excited to say the least!
The main thing that's affected me today at college was having the opportunity to watch a documentary about beastiality or zoophilia, which is when humans get a 'loving' feeling towards an animal and have sex with it. This really has sent me mental today and once again I am in an 'hating people' mood. Something which I would like to add to this, is that in most parts of America it is illegal for two people of the same sex to get married, however it is fine in the majority of places to have have intercourse with animals. Most definitely am not happy with America at the moment! So that can join China with their eating of pets such as dogs and cats, selling endangered animal parts, bile farms and selling animals cruly as if there's nothing wrong with it such as crabs in vending machines, fish and turtes in keyrings and all the tiny little cages. I don't see how people can be so fucking retarded to think that having sex with animals is okay! Which fucks me off even more is that they see it as if it's normal and acceptable. I would be EXTREMELY happy if the death penalty came back, I can most definitely see myself torturing people when I'm older, I am bering serious with this, and you should all probably be pretty worried. I'm rage quitting on this topic, has got me way too hot headed. I may talk about it when I finish this blog later, but possibly not.
It's later on now, and am actually feeling to tired to talk about that anymore, and don't feel like it'll be good for my head if I think about that subject anymore. I enjoyed spending time with people at college today, and will be on a trip tomorrow to amazing animals, it's a place where they train animals to be in the media, it should hopefully be very awesome. But for now it is time for me to say goodbye, until tomorrow ^.^
The main thing that's affected me today at college was having the opportunity to watch a documentary about beastiality or zoophilia, which is when humans get a 'loving' feeling towards an animal and have sex with it. This really has sent me mental today and once again I am in an 'hating people' mood. Something which I would like to add to this, is that in most parts of America it is illegal for two people of the same sex to get married, however it is fine in the majority of places to have have intercourse with animals. Most definitely am not happy with America at the moment! So that can join China with their eating of pets such as dogs and cats, selling endangered animal parts, bile farms and selling animals cruly as if there's nothing wrong with it such as crabs in vending machines, fish and turtes in keyrings and all the tiny little cages. I don't see how people can be so fucking retarded to think that having sex with animals is okay! Which fucks me off even more is that they see it as if it's normal and acceptable. I would be EXTREMELY happy if the death penalty came back, I can most definitely see myself torturing people when I'm older, I am bering serious with this, and you should all probably be pretty worried. I'm rage quitting on this topic, has got me way too hot headed. I may talk about it when I finish this blog later, but possibly not.
It's later on now, and am actually feeling to tired to talk about that anymore, and don't feel like it'll be good for my head if I think about that subject anymore. I enjoyed spending time with people at college today, and will be on a trip tomorrow to amazing animals, it's a place where they train animals to be in the media, it should hopefully be very awesome. But for now it is time for me to say goodbye, until tomorrow ^.^
15thApril2012
This blog is getting written far too late, I was caught up in the moment of the days happanings that it completely passed my mind, however it is definitely worth mentioning. I will have to apologise for the spelling mistakes once again, as I'm using firefox on my nans laptop rather than chrome, which I definitely recommend. I talked to Alex the night before in a tipsy getting onto drunk state, and talked to him about meeting up on this day, he said he would have to talk to his mum about it before hand, which he does every time. I woke up through the night as I was dehydrated and text Alex, at around 4. I assumed that he would text me in the morning, after he had asked his mother if he could come over, but instead I got nothing. I kept waking up because was anxious, but in a good way, just not too sure of what word to use as I went to terrible secondary school. I really wanted to know if I could see him, as I have very much missed spending time with him, and I love it so. I was being hopeful so when I properly woke up at 11, I started to clean my room and then was getting ready before I knew that I was definitely seeing him. For some weird reason I always like my room decently cleaned with my desk cleaned up, everything polished and a clean floor, this only happens with Alex and I don't understand too well why, but I most definitely do try for him. I texted him through the day asking what was happening, and we got to the end result of him coming over mine, after he finished work, went home for dinner and then would be over at around 6.30. I painted my nails, not that I'm too good at it but I feel happier with them done now. I had a shower and then moisturised just because of that slight chance that his fingers would go across my bare skin. And I also dolled my face up, with of course mascara which I always wear, and then foundation, lipstick, lipgloss, blusher and eye shaddow too. I also straightened my hair, which I haven't done in a good while, I always make the effort for him nowadays. He was a little late, but got here in good time to a free house with me, we went straight into my bedroom per usual and loitered around for a while then made our way into bed. I had put the heaters on for a good while before so that it would be very hot, in hope that it would influence him more to have less clothes on, this worked out for me very well, especially as we were under the covers. We layed there for a while being innocent and just holding each other close, however that was far too hot so I asked for his top to be off, as he did for mine. Our bodies were pressed against each other, sharing body warmth and feeling so emotionally close, it truly was amazing, most probably going to be in my mind memory book of all my favourite times that we've spent together. One thing led to another as it usually does with us two, we kissed many times, all over his torso, around his neck and of course his lips too. As I was pressing my fingers across his body I slowly made my way lower, aiming for inbetween his legs however he was very resistant, the new years situation really bothers him, and I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to, but possibly a little bit of peer pressure instead. He took of my bra, without a lot of struggle and then caressed my breasts, with his hands and then after a while with his mouth, slightly nibbling on my nipple which is to die for. After a while he allowed me to go down his trousers, and slowly I started to rub his penis and slowly getting onto sucking it, but in a loving way rather than plain horny-ness. The last few times we have met up, I have been on my perioud so he hasn't been able to go anywhere near that area, just instead tease me with telling me how much he wants to do. This time thankfully I was not on, and his fingers slowly made their way there, again this was more of a loving act than just because he could. I mentioned sex to him, however he didn't want to so I left it as that, really didn't want to push him too far or want him to regret it afterwards. He came twice, once inside my mouth and once over my bare top half, I must admit that it was pretty hot watching him come over me. We cleaned up and then laid their for a bit more, just sharing each others company and talking about anything that popped up. We ended up leaving mine between 10.30 and 11, the walk was quite nice with a few exceptions. I mentioned to him that Lean seems to think he is smoking properly now, which I am VERY uncomfortable with, especially as he use to be so against me smoking and still is however is accepting it a little more. He told me that he wasn't, however we had a cigarette each together, I didn't enjoy that at all because I don't like Alex being like that at all, in a way I think it would be like your child or little silbling smoking and I can't help but feel like I've supported this cause. I find some smokers attractive, but instead with him, a little bit died inside of me, he's slowly losing that little boy image which I fell in love with, however I am most definitely not out of love with him. We sat under the bus stop which is around halfway between both our houses, we snuggled there for a nice 10 minutes, he realised I wouldn't be saying goodbye easily so instead we went to the shop right behind, where he bought me surprise Revels, which is a good little reminder of what he use to do, he's very sweet to me. I then struggled very hard to let him go, but found myself keep on pulling him back close to me, it had to happen eventually though, however the whole of the night left me feeling extremely happy and loved up. We texted a little bit on the way home, and made sure each other were safe by texting when we were both home. I asked him for a little phone call just before we go to sleep, however that 'short' phone call lasted for a lovely 40 minutes, which was a very good phone call. Again the whole evening left me feeling great, with a big smile on my face which I could't hide or get away, but I don't mind. I had an amazing night with Alex, and I hope to do it very soon and much more often, and that he feels more comfortable with me eventually and hopefully soon.
Alex and I share a very special relationship, and I don't believe that many other people would be able to have a bond like that with someone. He knows me quite possibly better than anyone else does. I am deeply in love with him, even though we are not together and quite likely won't be ever again. He's a lovely friend to me really, I just let emotions get in the way far too often. My Little Wittle Alexx Wallex <3
Alex and I share a very special relationship, and I don't believe that many other people would be able to have a bond like that with someone. He knows me quite possibly better than anyone else does. I am deeply in love with him, even though we are not together and quite likely won't be ever again. He's a lovely friend to me really, I just let emotions get in the way far too often. My Little Wittle Alexx Wallex <3
14thApril2012
I am using my laptop, so may be a little slow with m blogs. Her laptop is terrible as it's smaller, buttons are in the wrong place ansd she uses a bad browser, may have to download Chrome. Today I woke up at 11 and found a text from friend called Josh who asked if I would like to come over to his and see his puppies, I of course said yes. I haven't seen Josh in far too long and am in very much hope that I will be seeing more of him now. The puppies were seriously cute! They were black labradors and inbetween two to three weeks old. I went over his house with another friend called Alex [not my Wallex]. Alex drove me home and I had a very enjoyable day with them. I got home at around 4pm, since then family have came home and I have had three cans of Strongbow. I am a leightweight so I will appologise for the terrible spelling and lack of care. I have invited Alex over tomorrow after he finishes work, which will be at around 5. Goodnight everyone, wish me a peaceful sleep with no hangover in the morning X]
13thApril2012
My Friday the 13th wasn't unlucky at all really, thankfully. I think the worst thing of the day was that in my driving lesson which was at 3 - 4pm, I pretty much went full retarded and clearly forgot how to drive, I kept drifting too far to each side of the lane, getting in the wrong lanes, over-speeding, under-speeding and just general things which I should be able to do and have been able to do for all of my late driving lessons. This however, wasn't so bad as I didn't stall the car once, which I usually do every lesson, so pretty proud there. Before my driving lesson, all I really did was laze about in my bed on my laptop, I'm not too sure what time I woke up but I think it was after 12. I talked to Alex for a bit in the early afternoon, I'm very much enjoying that we're speaking nearly every day once again. There use to be a time where it would be extremely strange if we didn't speak once a day, and would usually mean that something was wrong with one of us and then would soon be corrected with loved up talking the next day. January is the longest we have ever gone without speaking to each other, I did miss him a hell of a lot, and I truly am sorry for making him have to do that, but it did help me I think. My intentions of January were to get over him, or at least sort my head out with how I actually feel about Chris, which worked with the Chris situation, even though in February I didn't stick to this completely as I'm a weak person, and I am most definitely not over Alex. Truthfully I know I won't be over Alex for a long while! At times I really think my feelings towards him have gotten any better, but I'm fine with that, I love how we act with each other sometimes and I'll stay in hope that one day we'll get back together.
Tomorrow my laptop will be going off for around two weeks for repair, so I have been transferring things that I want to keep onto mum's laptop, just encase my laptop does need to be completely reset, which in all fairness would be quite helpful at the moment because I have a virus and I have a lack of effort to put Norton on it. This took far longer than I expected to finish, because of my numerous photo albums with videos in too. I finally finished this at 11pm and then got into the bath, I am now proudly baby smooth. While on my laptop in the late evening, I heard about my friend Maybury's friend Andy, aka Bigfoot [show name] being on the radio, Andy had posted about it many times through the day, but as they live all the way in Manchester I was't too sure I would be able to get their radio, however around 20 minutes into him being live on the radio I found an online link to listen in. Andy was on from 9 - 10.45pm, and he was truly amazing! I even got a shout out from him because of how much I was promoting him over twitter. Andy is a very friendly person, and really gives time to people, which I think is very lovely as he's not exactly a simpleton with a normal amount of friends. Him on the radio really brightened up my night, I was very hyped up while listening.
I'm in hope that I can see Alex tomorrow, as we have not yet seen each other over this holiday, and we had little plans to go into London with each other, but in the end both decided not to. I think though that he may have to spend a lot of tomorrow doing school work, which he should have completed through the two weeks, but per usual would have left it till the last minute. He has Sunday to do it too, however he will be at work for most of the day, and will use this as an excuse for not being able to see me. I honestly love spending time with Alex, and he's the person I enjoy spending my time with the most, just wish I could do it a lot more.
I'll have a little mention of my teddies now, Milky, Alexandra and Hippo. I've had Milky since I was very young, and she has been neglected over the other side of my room for a good couple of years, but recently moved into my bed because I had Stigg and Steffy taken away from me. Alexandra was given to me by Alex [hence the name], as a Christmas gift I think, back in 2010. And last but not least there's Hippo, I asked for him to my parents while walking around Ikea a few years ago, he's a little bigger than the other two and is very comfortable to lay my leg over or put my head on if I have a lack of pillows, Hippo's the one that tends to come out with me if I'm sleeping somewhere else. I love my teddies <3
Tomorrow my laptop will be going off for around two weeks for repair, so I have been transferring things that I want to keep onto mum's laptop, just encase my laptop does need to be completely reset, which in all fairness would be quite helpful at the moment because I have a virus and I have a lack of effort to put Norton on it. This took far longer than I expected to finish, because of my numerous photo albums with videos in too. I finally finished this at 11pm and then got into the bath, I am now proudly baby smooth. While on my laptop in the late evening, I heard about my friend Maybury's friend Andy, aka Bigfoot [show name] being on the radio, Andy had posted about it many times through the day, but as they live all the way in Manchester I was't too sure I would be able to get their radio, however around 20 minutes into him being live on the radio I found an online link to listen in. Andy was on from 9 - 10.45pm, and he was truly amazing! I even got a shout out from him because of how much I was promoting him over twitter. Andy is a very friendly person, and really gives time to people, which I think is very lovely as he's not exactly a simpleton with a normal amount of friends. Him on the radio really brightened up my night, I was very hyped up while listening.
I'm in hope that I can see Alex tomorrow, as we have not yet seen each other over this holiday, and we had little plans to go into London with each other, but in the end both decided not to. I think though that he may have to spend a lot of tomorrow doing school work, which he should have completed through the two weeks, but per usual would have left it till the last minute. He has Sunday to do it too, however he will be at work for most of the day, and will use this as an excuse for not being able to see me. I honestly love spending time with Alex, and he's the person I enjoy spending my time with the most, just wish I could do it a lot more.
I'll have a little mention of my teddies now, Milky, Alexandra and Hippo. I've had Milky since I was very young, and she has been neglected over the other side of my room for a good couple of years, but recently moved into my bed because I had Stigg and Steffy taken away from me. Alexandra was given to me by Alex [hence the name], as a Christmas gift I think, back in 2010. And last but not least there's Hippo, I asked for him to my parents while walking around Ikea a few years ago, he's a little bigger than the other two and is very comfortable to lay my leg over or put my head on if I have a lack of pillows, Hippo's the one that tends to come out with me if I'm sleeping somewhere else. I love my teddies <3
12thApril2012
I have missed a couple of days out, as I have been too tired to write about anything I did in my day, so lets try again now.
Tuesday I went to IKEA with my mum, which took a few hours. I have got a good 18 pencils now and didn't particularly get anything interesting there. Mum however bought cupboards and other various things for her newly decorated room. I most likely came home and sat in bed for the rest of the day, per usual.
Wednesday after was meant to be spent at Lean's, however the weather seemed like it would be too terrible for a group BBQ so it got cancelled the night before. Instead we decided to go bowling, and once that was finished we all came back to mine for drinks and pizza. Most of the people stayed, Lean, Dan and Peacock, all in the spare room which I'm sure was very overcrowded. I ended up getting to sleep at 5.30am today and then got woken by Lean in the morning at 9.50am as she was leaving. She took Dan home and Adam came to get picked up a little while later by Chris, who was very rude to me and didn't even bother to get out the car to give me a hug, instead just sat there on my drive and waved. I am so unhappy with how Chris treats me lately, he truly is a bad friend and a pretty terrible person.
I went back to sleep several times today, and finally got out of bed properly at around 12 - 1 as I had made plans with Lean to see Seb in Maidenhead. She was late by an hour, but I would rather that than her cancel on me completely, which she has done many times before. It was nice there, Seb has been staying with a friend called Tristan, so he was there too. We got Noodle Nation and then just chilled wherever, we weren't in for too long, and I got back in two and a half hours. I did enjoy myself though, even if I am feeling a little dead from lack of sleep and too much alcohol last night. It's 10pm, and I feel like I may go to bed very soon as Alex has gone out, thus giving me no chance to talk to him.
I went on his Facebook account just a little while ago as I wanted to see the event page of where he's out tonight. I drifted away from that and ended looking at the whole of a photo album of a party he was at a while ago, there's this one girl called Louise who I am VERY wary of, I really hate them two even talking. Around 6 months ago they were talking quite a bit over Facebook, I talked to Alex about this and it came across as if there was a little chance they would start seeing each other, however he ensured me that he doesn't like her, however was not outlining the chance that it wouldn't ever happen. I really do want Alex all to myself, and I can confidently say I will always feel this way <3
Tuesday I went to IKEA with my mum, which took a few hours. I have got a good 18 pencils now and didn't particularly get anything interesting there. Mum however bought cupboards and other various things for her newly decorated room. I most likely came home and sat in bed for the rest of the day, per usual.
Wednesday after was meant to be spent at Lean's, however the weather seemed like it would be too terrible for a group BBQ so it got cancelled the night before. Instead we decided to go bowling, and once that was finished we all came back to mine for drinks and pizza. Most of the people stayed, Lean, Dan and Peacock, all in the spare room which I'm sure was very overcrowded. I ended up getting to sleep at 5.30am today and then got woken by Lean in the morning at 9.50am as she was leaving. She took Dan home and Adam came to get picked up a little while later by Chris, who was very rude to me and didn't even bother to get out the car to give me a hug, instead just sat there on my drive and waved. I am so unhappy with how Chris treats me lately, he truly is a bad friend and a pretty terrible person.I went back to sleep several times today, and finally got out of bed properly at around 12 - 1 as I had made plans with Lean to see Seb in Maidenhead. She was late by an hour, but I would rather that than her cancel on me completely, which she has done many times before. It was nice there, Seb has been staying with a friend called Tristan, so he was there too. We got Noodle Nation and then just chilled wherever, we weren't in for too long, and I got back in two and a half hours. I did enjoy myself though, even if I am feeling a little dead from lack of sleep and too much alcohol last night. It's 10pm, and I feel like I may go to bed very soon as Alex has gone out, thus giving me no chance to talk to him.
I went on his Facebook account just a little while ago as I wanted to see the event page of where he's out tonight. I drifted away from that and ended looking at the whole of a photo album of a party he was at a while ago, there's this one girl called Louise who I am VERY wary of, I really hate them two even talking. Around 6 months ago they were talking quite a bit over Facebook, I talked to Alex about this and it came across as if there was a little chance they would start seeing each other, however he ensured me that he doesn't like her, however was not outlining the chance that it wouldn't ever happen. I really do want Alex all to myself, and I can confidently say I will always feel this way <3
11thApril2012
It's now near 5am on Thursday and I'm finally going to sleep, I am however way too tired and intoxicated to write anything decent tonight. Instead please just wish me a good long sleep as I have plans for tomorrow. And please wish my chinchilla Rou to get better! He's unwell at the moment and we'll be taking him to the vets tomorrow, I really do love him so much and would would quite likely send me into depression if whatever is wrong with him is fatal. I love my Rou <3
10thApril2012
My life has been overtaken by cigarettes, I have to have one just before I go to sleep, and sadly I've just had my last one, so early night for me. Very happy that I managed to make it last util 12 though. A miserable goodnight :(
9thApril2012
Last night with Chris wasn't bad at all, he was pretty tired so he went straight to sleep, rather than trying anything on with me which I very much appreciated. When he woke up in the morning however, he held my hand as it was laying out of my bed, and softly tried to awaken me. I was very much out of it when he said 'can I get into bed with you' as my reply shouldn't even be classed as a reply, it was simply just a 'uh' noise, however if I was fully awake, my answer would have been yes. He got into bed and I think we laid there for a good 30 minutes, me sleeping and him resting, possibly slightly trying to waken me up. He had morning glory, and I'm pretty sure he wanted something to happen as he was sticking it close to my body, tensing it and had his hand on my leg. My legs were fully clothed with leggings so I wasn't too bothered, along with the fact I was very tired and just wanted to sleep. He left pretty much as soon as I got out of bed, as I had to start getting ready for nans. It was just before 12 which I finally woke up properly. It took me around two hours to get ready, with my parents sorting out their room too ready to leave. At nans I played with Ashleigh, my young cousin and we all chilled in the front room [as her flat is small]. I had a very nice time at my nans, we even got Noodle Nation for dinner which I was very happy about. Since we've been home, all I have done is be on Skype and just general things online. I've enjoyed my night, however I feel sorry for my friend Dan who I saw the other day, as he told me tonight that he liked me. He didn't seem too bummed out though when I told him I didn't feel anything towards him, and I think that our friendship didn't grow enough for him telling me this to ruin it, and instead now he knows to focus of the friendship and not to try to start a relationship with me. I'm happy things went so well with him.
I think it's horrible to see someone going on in their life with too much hope, it happens far too much to too many people, but sadly this is happening to me and I'm sure it will be for the rest of my life. I try to not be so hopeful and try to be more realistic, but really I just need to hold tightly onto what I want to survive. This is mainly all revolving around Alex of course, I wish things would be the best than they ever have been, and we were back together. I miss him, and feel the need to repeat this feeling over my head again and again every night </3
I think it's horrible to see someone going on in their life with too much hope, it happens far too much to too many people, but sadly this is happening to me and I'm sure it will be for the rest of my life. I try to not be so hopeful and try to be more realistic, but really I just need to hold tightly onto what I want to survive. This is mainly all revolving around Alex of course, I wish things would be the best than they ever have been, and we were back together. I miss him, and feel the need to repeat this feeling over my head again and again every night </3
8thApril2012
Right now, Chris is over an he'll be staying the night in my room, but on a camping bed. VERY much hopefully he won't see this, and never will, but there's always the risky possibility, so this may need to be a short one. I woke up just after 12 today, with my beautiful cat Jasper on my bed. We snuggled for a long while, well at least 20 minutes anyway. I managed to see the time at 12.34 today, it gets me quite excited. I showered at a reasonable time today because I wanted a cigarette out of my bathroom window, and I got away with it. However my parents are aware that I'm smoking again, which they found out a few days ago. My mum said she realised because I'm lighting incense sticks and have been going for walks a lot lately, however I have lighted two or three incense sticks in the last month and haven't gone out for walks too much because simply I am lazy. After I showered I went out with my friend Sean, who lives down my road. We walked to the park and were on the swings laughing, singing, dancing and talking for a good 30 minutes, until it started raining and we started to walk back to mine. We watched Pirates Of The Carribean 2 while at mine, then he went home to have dinner, came back and we watched Bad Teacher. Around halfway through watching the second film, Chris arrived. He asked to take his stuff to my room, so I went up there with him, while up there he was a little forward and tried to hold my bum while we were hugging, I pulled away because I don't want anything to happen. Through the night he has been holding close to me, it has seemed a little like it use to be when he liked me in December and before. He has held my hand while we've been sitting on the sofa, rubbing my body scenserely and pulled his body close to mine while we were laying on my bed. When things are like this, I feel like there may be a chance that I do like him and feel like we could be something one day, however I do love Alex, and I think that will always be the problem getting inbetween Chris and me. Alex text me at 22.22, while my text was sending to me, it made me very happy as it means he was thinking about me too without any communication from me first. For the past few days Alex and I have been talking until late at night, and last nights conversation ended in a 'love you' from him, without me saying it first. Things like that send me wild, and keep me very hopeful and in love with him. In the end, I think I will always have a very big soft spot for him, and will always be a little hopeful and in love <3
7thApril2012
My lay in lasted for a very long time, which is shocking because my parents were in their room, the one next too mine with an electric sander going off for quite a while around the room. I woke up a few times, but managed to fall back asleep until I was full of energy at 14.00, when I must have woken up by myself as my parents weren't even in the house at the time. I was surprised when I woke up, then had a quick morning routine. Mums phone went off so I phoned dad what her text said and then asked where they were, they were at Homebase and just getting into the car. This panicked me as it's only around the corner and less than a 5 minute walk, I quickly grabbed a cigarette and rushed downstairs to have it outside before they came home and caught me. I finished the cigarette in good time, and was very light headed as it was smoked away quickly, after finishing I went straight inside to get a drink, and then they arrived at the house. I was very lucky and should learn to not cut things so close! I've showered today, two hours after I woke up and then took around another hour to be properly dressed with my hair looking suitable. Sean and I talked about meeting up tonight, however it didn't happen as he's with other people and I didn't particularly want to go outside to freeze my bum off, even if they did have a fire. Other than that, I have been listening to music, online and watching a bit of telly.
I have a very lovely neighbour, his nickname is Spud for a reason which I have at the moment forgotten about. But when there's something good, there's often a bad with it, and on this occasion it is my neighbour on the other side, called Barbra. Both of them are single and live by themselves, but in many different situations. Spud use to be married, and has possibly three children with that woman, I think they use to live in the house together but she moved out when they split up. Apparently he always talks about her deeply when he's over ours and drinking, I guess it's just something he's never been able to get over and probably never will be able to. He gets to see his children often enough so that's not too bad and I'm sure him and the ex still keep in close contact which is nice I guess. Barbra on the other hand, is a complete nut case. She's like the crazy cat woman, but with dogs too, and sadly she has a lack of both in my opinion. I've heard from her sister that she fell in love with an Italian man, and then he left her or something and she has never been okay since. She often use to comment what we were doing in our garden, so we have now had to put up a fence, however she still tries to talk to us and shout at dad when he's outside in the shed shooting at a target board. I've seen her staring out her windows towards out house and at people a lot, it's been extremely scary when it's the window directly opposite at the top of the stairs, when I'm passing by and can see her. I don't want to seem mean, but I really do wish she would move out and fuck off.
Here are a few highlights of my day: Eating some of my Lindt golden bunny which I got for Easter, having a dance with Webster where I was carrying him and his bum was fully supported on top of my crossed arms and using Spotify while on mum's laptop, thus finding many tracks which I use to love however haven't listened to in a while.
I have a very lovely neighbour, his nickname is Spud for a reason which I have at the moment forgotten about. But when there's something good, there's often a bad with it, and on this occasion it is my neighbour on the other side, called Barbra. Both of them are single and live by themselves, but in many different situations. Spud use to be married, and has possibly three children with that woman, I think they use to live in the house together but she moved out when they split up. Apparently he always talks about her deeply when he's over ours and drinking, I guess it's just something he's never been able to get over and probably never will be able to. He gets to see his children often enough so that's not too bad and I'm sure him and the ex still keep in close contact which is nice I guess. Barbra on the other hand, is a complete nut case. She's like the crazy cat woman, but with dogs too, and sadly she has a lack of both in my opinion. I've heard from her sister that she fell in love with an Italian man, and then he left her or something and she has never been okay since. She often use to comment what we were doing in our garden, so we have now had to put up a fence, however she still tries to talk to us and shout at dad when he's outside in the shed shooting at a target board. I've seen her staring out her windows towards out house and at people a lot, it's been extremely scary when it's the window directly opposite at the top of the stairs, when I'm passing by and can see her. I don't want to seem mean, but I really do wish she would move out and fuck off.
Here are a few highlights of my day: Eating some of my Lindt golden bunny which I got for Easter, having a dance with Webster where I was carrying him and his bum was fully supported on top of my crossed arms and using Spotify while on mum's laptop, thus finding many tracks which I use to love however haven't listened to in a while.
6thApril2012
Today was the day I finally got revenge for Chris changing my birthday many months ago, I did exactly the same thing but on his Vibrant account, which he has many more friends on and will get never ending notifications for. However it has been changed for his birthday to be tomorrow, so he can get a little surprise then. I would have got round to doing it earlier, however I forget things so dam easily.
I got rudely awakened by my parents this morning, they have started redecorating their room for the second time since we've been living in this house, so that's over 10 years that they've had to look at the same boring rooms and furnishings. All I could hear this morning is them two shouting and talking loudly to each other along with the noise of the walls being scraped down of it's wall paper, extremely loud and annoying if you're trying to sleep! Some how I managed to get back to sleep, for around another two hours or something around I think, to wake up at half past eleven-ish. I was on the laptop looking through all the happenings of the night which I had not looked at and then jumped into the shower. My legs are now relatively smooth, however they were cut with pretty blunt razor which had my legs come up with a little bit of a rash earlier, but nothing too bad. Then after the shower I just got reasonably decent looking to go out of the house, with everything I need in a bad and then started walking towards a friends house who lives just 20 minutes away. My friend Dan, is a new friend who I met through Lean. He went to my primary school, however is in one year below me and he at the moment goes to JH, which is where Alex and most of my male friends go to. Usually I would not have agreed to meet up with someone who I've barley met before by myself, and especially not to their house, however he came across as a very genuine guy and his dad has recently died in March this year, so I thought it'd be nice for him to try and take his mind off from that. He also lives very close, so I didn't mind walking to see him either, however took a little detour so that I could have a dirty cigarette. I finally got to his at around 3.10pm, and stayed until 8, even though we planned for me to leave at 6. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him, he's a very lovely boy who I can see myself becoming very good friends with. We spent most of the time in his room watching the telly and talking about anything which came into our heads. There was no awkwardness while I was with him at all, everything was so relaxed and felt normal, which is very good considering this was the first time we had ever got properly together. I met all of his immediate family, mum, brother and sister which was nice. I would have left at 6, however he said that I was very welcome to stay and seemed slight insisting on it, along with that I was enjoying spending time with him. At eight I walked back from his and had another dirty cigarette, and since I got home I had macaroni cheese for dinner, and of course burned my tongue which I really do need to learn from for next time! And then the rest of the night has been spent relaxing, first watching Kung Fu Panda on the telly, and now upstairs in my room on my laptop just talking to people, listening to music and looking through the internet. I do enjoy my lazy nights.
At times I feel very embarrassed with writing a day diary somewhere online where anyone is able to see it, however it does really help me at times, and I'm sure it has helped thoroughly in my past few months. Sadly I am also in hope that no one I know will never find this, otherwise a lot of embarrassment will come from this. It's not about being 'popular' or 'big' on here, it's about knowing that some day, someone may be able to understand how I feel and could possibly relate to my life and thoughts. I'm very happy that I have a blog which I keep up to date daily :)
I got rudely awakened by my parents this morning, they have started redecorating their room for the second time since we've been living in this house, so that's over 10 years that they've had to look at the same boring rooms and furnishings. All I could hear this morning is them two shouting and talking loudly to each other along with the noise of the walls being scraped down of it's wall paper, extremely loud and annoying if you're trying to sleep! Some how I managed to get back to sleep, for around another two hours or something around I think, to wake up at half past eleven-ish. I was on the laptop looking through all the happenings of the night which I had not looked at and then jumped into the shower. My legs are now relatively smooth, however they were cut with pretty blunt razor which had my legs come up with a little bit of a rash earlier, but nothing too bad. Then after the shower I just got reasonably decent looking to go out of the house, with everything I need in a bad and then started walking towards a friends house who lives just 20 minutes away. My friend Dan, is a new friend who I met through Lean. He went to my primary school, however is in one year below me and he at the moment goes to JH, which is where Alex and most of my male friends go to. Usually I would not have agreed to meet up with someone who I've barley met before by myself, and especially not to their house, however he came across as a very genuine guy and his dad has recently died in March this year, so I thought it'd be nice for him to try and take his mind off from that. He also lives very close, so I didn't mind walking to see him either, however took a little detour so that I could have a dirty cigarette. I finally got to his at around 3.10pm, and stayed until 8, even though we planned for me to leave at 6. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him, he's a very lovely boy who I can see myself becoming very good friends with. We spent most of the time in his room watching the telly and talking about anything which came into our heads. There was no awkwardness while I was with him at all, everything was so relaxed and felt normal, which is very good considering this was the first time we had ever got properly together. I met all of his immediate family, mum, brother and sister which was nice. I would have left at 6, however he said that I was very welcome to stay and seemed slight insisting on it, along with that I was enjoying spending time with him. At eight I walked back from his and had another dirty cigarette, and since I got home I had macaroni cheese for dinner, and of course burned my tongue which I really do need to learn from for next time! And then the rest of the night has been spent relaxing, first watching Kung Fu Panda on the telly, and now upstairs in my room on my laptop just talking to people, listening to music and looking through the internet. I do enjoy my lazy nights.
At times I feel very embarrassed with writing a day diary somewhere online where anyone is able to see it, however it does really help me at times, and I'm sure it has helped thoroughly in my past few months. Sadly I am also in hope that no one I know will never find this, otherwise a lot of embarrassment will come from this. It's not about being 'popular' or 'big' on here, it's about knowing that some day, someone may be able to understand how I feel and could possibly relate to my life and thoughts. I'm very happy that I have a blog which I keep up to date daily :)
5thApril2012
12.00 - 12.20 Alarm went off, woke me up. Did my short morning routine of dragging myself out of bed, putting in contacts, brushing my teeth and wiping my face. I smoked a cigarette out my window as dad was in his bed, and felt it would have been too obvious and risky if I went outside to smoke it.
12.20 - 12.35 Waited anxiously for my driving instructor to arrive, pacing around the house quite a bit.
12.35 - 13.40 Driving lesson, we practiced reversing around a bend and a bit of casual driving too.
13.40 - 00.00 Procrastinated over showering, ended up not showering for the whole day which resulted in me missing out in seeing three different friends at different times. Far too lazy for my own good.
I haven't got much opinion on today, or any strange thoughts running through my head which I'd like to get off my chest. Although I'm very indecisive, so have changed my mind already. I dislike people who think they can just get away with talking to any one in a disgusting way. I've gotten on with a guy decently well for a while now, only talking every week or so, thus bonding but not properly close. He's now tonight been trying to talk sexually with me, I really don't want to, and won't! However it's just horrible telling them to shut the fuck up if you're friends with them. People should be more genuine, including me!
12.20 - 12.35 Waited anxiously for my driving instructor to arrive, pacing around the house quite a bit.
12.35 - 13.40 Driving lesson, we practiced reversing around a bend and a bit of casual driving too.
13.40 - 00.00 Procrastinated over showering, ended up not showering for the whole day which resulted in me missing out in seeing three different friends at different times. Far too lazy for my own good.
I haven't got much opinion on today, or any strange thoughts running through my head which I'd like to get off my chest. Although I'm very indecisive, so have changed my mind already. I dislike people who think they can just get away with talking to any one in a disgusting way. I've gotten on with a guy decently well for a while now, only talking every week or so, thus bonding but not properly close. He's now tonight been trying to talk sexually with me, I really don't want to, and won't! However it's just horrible telling them to shut the fuck up if you're friends with them. People should be more genuine, including me!
4thApril2012
I don't think anyone could ever truly be happy with everything in their lives, there will always be something which could be improved. The world as such will ALWAYS have problems with it, always too many homeless people, always too many starving families, always too many abused animals, the list truly goes on and on. I can think of so many things I would want to change about myself, however cannot. Even though really I am always truly happy, sometimes I can't think of anything good in my life because so many things seem wrong. I do live to be positive and hopeful about everything, however at times, I like everyone, get on a down note. We will always want more, either for ourselves or for others. We will never truly be satisfied </3
3rdApril2012
I am writing this very late, thought about the blog just before I went to sleep however was too late to turn my laptop back on, this all upsets me greatly. My plans for the day were to have my room clean and tidy for 3.30pm when my mum would bring two little girls back from work, Alice [4] and Emma [3], to see my animals. I got into the shower late at 3.15, thus me being in the shower as they arrived and rushing quickly to be ready for them. While they were around we painted some paper cut out rabbits, which you can see a picture of. We looked and handled Rou, read some Mr. Men books and then made our way back to their house. We were 15 minutes late getting out of theirs, and then 25 minutes late leaving theirs which mum tends to do because she loves the family so much. Theirs also two younger children in the family, two twin girls called Siain and Zoe who are 1 year old. It was feeding time when we got there, so I helped out a bit at feeding Zoe, who was being a big pain and then we left. I didn't do much at home, per usual I just spent my time online and listened to music (:
2ndApril2012
Today I had to wake up 'early', at 11.11am my alarm was set for. I needed to be ready for 1pm, to be picked by my friend Weeden's mum, with him in the car. It was an uneventful two hours before they arrived, just my usual morning routine of being on my laptop for far too long, showering, drying my hair, sorting my face and choosing something to wear. We arrived at his house at around 1.30, and we spent the whole time talking, while doing other little things such as looking through things on the computer, laughing at his cats, observing his house and listening to a little bit of music. Weeden is a very nice person, who gets underrated by his looks and how he sometimes acts far too much, along with peoples judgement from hearing their friends opinion. He gets bullied his college, however I would say that it is more of friendly 'banter', rather than really trying to damage his self confidence. I hate that some people [even me], will judge a person just by how they appear, it's not fair on the person at all, however I'm happy that I gave Weeden the chance to prove that he's a friendly and genuine person. Mum picked me up from his at 4.15, as I had to go get my haircut at half past. A woman called Marie use to come to out house to do our hair, however she has now designed her garage to make it into a salon, it really looks great and I enjoyed my experience in the first salon which I've ever been to. It was quite strange having my hair washed over the sink with the neck space in it, a little uncomfortable but that's okay because my head wasn't in there for too long. I was a little indecisive whether to get my hair with layers or not, but in the end decided that I would, and it looks rather nice. She had a puppy in there too, which had just had a bath so it was shaking and jumping around in it's bed, attempting to get itself more dry, it was very cute to say the least! I thought it was nice being in her garage, as one of her daughters and her husband visited and stayed for a little while, it felt cosy. After that I went home and have been relaxing in my bed, just online, listening to music, playing The Sims on Psp and talking to people, I have enjoyed my day but am now tired.
I know that Lean and Chris have been out drinking tonight, and I have a good feeling that Alex has been too, it upsets me a little that all three of my closest friends are all 18, and can now go out drinking and enjoying their nights properly, it makes me feel like I'm being left out and left behind. I know everyone has to go through this, and I'll be 18 in a month and a half so not too much to worry about. In the end I hope they've all enjoyed their nights out, however of course thinking about me which I know Lean has been and a little bit of Chris as they're together with other people at the moment. I do love my friends, just wish we were all a little closer and that people wouldn't have to drift apart so much </3
I know that Lean and Chris have been out drinking tonight, and I have a good feeling that Alex has been too, it upsets me a little that all three of my closest friends are all 18, and can now go out drinking and enjoying their nights properly, it makes me feel like I'm being left out and left behind. I know everyone has to go through this, and I'll be 18 in a month and a half so not too much to worry about. In the end I hope they've all enjoyed their nights out, however of course thinking about me which I know Lean has been and a little bit of Chris as they're together with other people at the moment. I do love my friends, just wish we were all a little closer and that people wouldn't have to drift apart so much </3
1stApril2012
As I went to sleep after 12 last night but decided to write to by blog before 12, there were a few happenings from after then. As it was April fools today, I took the opportunity to 'trick' Alex into thinking I was pregnant, which is the exact same I did last year, however not directly to him. My message went like this, 'Alex.. I am pregnant, the morning sickness, general feeling sick these past few days, along with cravings and mood swings are all to do with it. I wanted to talk to you about it properly on Wednesday, but just couldn't get it out'. He did follow along with it at first, slightly questioning me however still believing it. His revenge after finding out was telling me 'we are not okay', this quite panicked me as I felt like he may have got really angry over my April fools, however eventually I got it out of him that he was only joking around. A while later after we were both offline, we had a phone call which lasted just over an hour, from around 01.42 - 2.50ish. The phone call was REALLY lovely, we talked like we always have done, and didn't have any worries about the problems in our lives. I was smiling like an idiot and feeling so happy after the phone call, it comforted me in such a way that I feel like things will always be okay between Alex and me. I do really love him, and things like this bring it out in me more and make me realise how attached and in love with him I still am. If anyone could see how we still act with each other, there would be no doubt in their mind that he isn't leading me on, however that's something I just have to deal with.
I woke up today at 9am, as I had to get ready early so that I could go to the Roald Dahl museum with family. I quite enjoyed myself there, and now I'm feeling for going to much bigger [decent / non child like] museums soon, possibly the history and science ones in London. I had quite a lot of fun there I must admit, with my two little cousins acting like a little child per usual. When we got back we made some Roald Dahl recipes, which wasn't the tastiest things ever, however still decently nice. Since they've been gone I've just been on my laptop and listening to music, per usual. I'm quite tired now, so at after 1am I will be going to sleep, goodnight (:
I woke up today at 9am, as I had to get ready early so that I could go to the Roald Dahl museum with family. I quite enjoyed myself there, and now I'm feeling for going to much bigger [decent / non child like] museums soon, possibly the history and science ones in London. I had quite a lot of fun there I must admit, with my two little cousins acting like a little child per usual. When we got back we made some Roald Dahl recipes, which wasn't the tastiest things ever, however still decently nice. Since they've been gone I've just been on my laptop and listening to music, per usual. I'm quite tired now, so at after 1am I will be going to sleep, goodnight (:
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