7thNovember2012

I've seen him again today (Alex for anyone who's reading my blog for the first time), so here comes the rant.. Why can't things be the same when we're with people? What's stopping him from making things back to how they use to be, and how they should be? What is wrong with me? I wish so very much that things were perfect for us all of the time, it's so wonderful when we're with each other, but then so many doubts come crawling in. I'm somewhat happy with how things are at the moment, happier than I would be if I didn't like him any more as more than a friend, well the bit of trying to get over him anyway. Seriously though, how the fuck do people get over the ones they love? I just don't understand it, and how the fuck can people cheat on the one they love? I may be a hypocrite for it, but I hate myself every day for that reason. I suppose he wouldn't trust me if we were back in a relationship, and neither should he from my past dishonestly. At times I think I treated him badly, but I feel we equalled everything out in the end and we were on the right level for each other. He wasn't always deadly interested, where I on the other hand was very caring of him. He does have his moments though, and those moments are really something special. Everything's so happy with him, I feel so comforted, I feel so in love. Dammit, why am I too scared to move on.