25thNovember2012

It's been a mind opening evening for me, I've been researching into genuine conditions that I have. While my family were over this evening we discussed my inability to read analogue clocks with ease. Through all of my mums previous hard work to get me to understand them, she has still to this day failed. It's not a lack of effort in any way, as I remember from a young age, my mum countlessly trying to teach me. I'm completely fine with digital clocks, and can work out the time straight away, but with analogue clocks it takes me a good 30 seconds to have a thought on the time, and then I have to check it again straight after and usually do not come out with much clue about the actual time. I guess this could be something to do with Dyslexia, however I have never been diagnosed or really thought about it. If I did have it, I can imagine it would only be mild as I can't see much other effect of it. I don't have much of a problem with words, and in general I'm rather good   with numbers, but I suppose it takes me a while longer than it should do to work things out for my intellect level. I remember in maths class from secondary school that I was never learning out tasks as fast as the other kids class in general, but with a little more time I would usually reach it. I feel it's too late to get myself diagnosed if I did have it, but I would love to know. I also struggle to spell words out in proper letters, opposed to how you're taught letters to start off with, the sounds of the letters. Maybe that's just me being stubborn and weird though, maybe not. Months of the year took me a very long time to work out, and still I am not 100% with it, I struggle to remember things and I am very easily distracted and often have my own thought trail without realising it. I haven't thought about it properly before, but I think there's a high possibility that I am dyslexic.
My obsession with my ex is not healthy at all either, although the relationship that we still have makes it a little more understandable to why I still feel so strongly towards him. I know full well that he'll be there completely to comfort me, and that's something that I can't let go. It has been a year and nine months now that we have been apart, and still every day I think about him. It's strange to think that I've thought about the same person every day for possibly four years now, that's a big amount of time to spend thinking about someone. I cannot get over the idea of us two getting back together, and possibly won't ever do. I'm not too sure how to get myself out of this love for him, I suppose the only thing will be if we finally distance ourselves or if I find someone who I feel more strongly towards than I do him. This would be difficult though, as I push myself away from anyone who has feelings towards me and I don't tend to find many people that I'm interested in a relationship with. I'm too afraid to let go of him, it's a major step in my life which I'm not confident enough to overcome yet. I should probably seek help for this, it's gone way past the point of ridiculous.