Fucking hell I want to fall in love again, but I have serious issues of letting go of my ex. The chance of having anything with someone new scares the shit out of me and it's simply something I just can't handle. The thought of being loved up in a relationship with someone as nice as him makes me so happy, but in reality that's not going to happen any time soon. He was my first, and I suppose that's something that sticks in everyones mind when it comes to their first. Far too much of my life revolves around him, and that's something I can't help. I don't mean to sound big headed, but there have been a few guys who haven't minded being in a relationship with me since Alex. I thought this would just be a phase because for so long I was kept on by strings with the chance that we may get back together. This obviously hasn't happened, and he's told me before that there's no chance of it ever happening, but that doesn't kill my hope at all. I don't want to move on from him, but I know it's eventually going to have to happen, possibly through us not talking ever again and me pretending to everyone that my feelings from him have also gone.
Enough on the subject of him, lets talk about Halloween! Happy Halloween guys, I wish you all a scare-ful one and a night to remember (or forget if you're planning on getting wasted). Tonight I will be going over to a friends house, which is a small get together. my friend's called Jordan, we've been friends since we were little as we use to live in the same flats (he still lives there), I still live very close, 4 minutes walk actually, and that's with my slow pace. We lost in touch for many years, but thankfully got back in contact around a year ago, and our friendship has been reasonably close since then. Hopefully it'll be a good night, and it won't be too far for me to crawl back to mine either.
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