21stOctober2012

I'm really not coping with the whole Webster situation whatsoever, I feel so lonely without him. I really do hope he comes back, I can't wait for that when I can give him HUGE cuddles in bed every night. I have been feeling reasonably down though, as my mum has been mentioning that tomorrow may be the day where we have to decide whether to put him out of his misery. I text Alex in the morning if I could come to see him in the evening, not stating why or what was wrong but making it quite obvious that something wasn't okay. he said okay and we would see each other that night at around 8. In the morning I got to see him for a small amount of 5 minutes, as the vets had only just decided that we could see him that day and I had a driving lesson straight after. I managed to keep my tears in through the lesson, through work and for most of the time up until 7.30 when I reached Alex's house. I arrived a little early as I drove my parents car there and was expecting to get out of work late. We shared cuddles when I got in and everything seemed okay, he asked a few times what was wrong as I was cuddling him from behind tightly and then I told him about Webster. He comforted me and tried to make sure I felt as secure as possible with him, we went out and sat on a bench in the rain for a good while, talking and enjoying each others warm and comfort. When we got back to his house, we went back to bed once again until a friend that is staying over his house for a month came home, we went downstairs to talk to him and then said goodnight. Alex's mother offered me a lift but I turned it down as I'm okay with walking and my mother could probably pick me up anyway, if I had gotten a lift with her, I would have had to left at that precise moment, and I really wasn't ready to be leaving Alex. We headed upstairs and laid in bed for another good while, said that we'll leave by 11 and then ended up falling asleep. He looked at the time after another hour had gone by and said that I can stay the night if I would like to, at first I was against the idea, but was just struggling to wake myself up and find the effort to walk home. I attempted to get him to stay at mine, but he wasn't having any of it so in the end I got into my sleepy clothes and we slept together.