31stOctober2012

Fucking hell I want to fall in love again, but I have serious issues of letting go of my ex. The chance of having anything with someone new scares the shit out of me and it's simply something I just can't handle. The thought of being loved up in a relationship with someone as nice as him makes me so happy, but in reality that's not going to happen any time soon. He was my first, and I suppose that's something that sticks in everyones mind when it comes to their first. Far too much of my life revolves around him, and that's something I can't help. I don't mean to sound big headed, but there have been a few guys who haven't minded being in a relationship with me since Alex. I thought this would just be a phase because for so long I was kept on by strings with the chance that we may get back together. This obviously hasn't happened, and he's told me before that there's no chance of it ever happening, but that doesn't kill my hope at all. I don't want to move on from him, but I know it's eventually going to have to happen, possibly through us not talking ever again and me pretending to everyone that my feelings from him have also gone.
Enough on the subject of him, lets talk about Halloween! Happy Halloween guys, I wish you all a scare-ful one and a night to remember (or forget if you're planning on getting wasted). Tonight I will be going over to a friends house, which is a small get together. my friend's called Jordan, we've been friends since we were little as we use to live in the same flats (he still lives there), I still live very close, 4 minutes walk actually, and that's with my slow pace. We lost in touch for many years, but thankfully got back in contact around a year ago, and our friendship has been reasonably close since then. Hopefully it'll be a good night, and it won't be too far for me to crawl back to mine either.

30thOctober2012

So today I've had the plan of getting together with my best friend Lean and our friend Peacock, and for once, my plans worked out! We went into town with the idea of watching Madagascar 3 in the cinema, and a little bit of shopping beforehand to find me a Halloween costume. My shopping trip was successful/ish, I went wanting to get a pussy cat costume (no hoe), but instead came out with a Rudolph the reindeer onesie from Primark (crapmark). I'm satisfied with my choice as it means I've got something to wear at Christmas too. After watching Madagascar 3, I can confidently say that it is the best one out yet, I was seriously impressed. There was a circus theme going, which they pulled through extremely well, although in reality I don't approve of animals being in the circus and sadly it will probably promote this. All together it's made me really want to visit a circus (minus animals) and a serious one, not clowns and shit. As it was circus orientated, they had bright lights and their graphics were the same as usual, not over the top at all and instead just right. I strongly recommend this film to anyone, it's great for kids and anyone who has a childlike preference in films. After this, we went back to mine to watch the first Madagascar as Peacock had not seen the first two, I ended up falling asleep and I'm pretty sure that the other two didn't notice. Lately I've been waking up early and going to sleep earlier, which really is a good thing, but for me it feels like I've got ages to wait until anything happens, as my friends are mainly late birds.

29thOctober2012

I'm very much appreciating the love I'm getting from my cat at the moment, even if she's only doing this for personal benefit. She's a beautiful tortoiseshell cat called Jasper who I've had from a very young age. When I was younger I would love to put her in my doll's pushchair and put the blanket over her, sadly she didn't feel as welcoming towards it. She does allow me to hold her like baby though, which I love doing ever so much. Sleeping with her s lovely, although often in the morning she will bit my nose in attempt to wake me up so I can let her out of my room to get food, or often she'll throw up so hopefully I'll remember to leave my door open tonight, so instead she won't do it in my room.
Mum found photos from when Webster was a lot younger, he looked so cute cuddling up to me and it was simply adorable looking back through the photos of him doing the same actions as he did now as he did when he was that young. It had been a very long time since I had looked at photos of him very young, instead I usually see the more recent years of him that I've uploaded onto the internet. Looking through old photos is something I really enjoy, especially when they're of someone who means so much to me.

28thOtober2012

Another day spent at work earning well needed money. I seriously cannot get enough of it. I really do think I should be saving it properly though, like saving just £10 a week at least, seems as I tend to get £30 a week / £40 now days as I'm working 10 hours a weekend. I should get overtime at christmas too, I need to save! I'm clueless what to get anyone for Christmas though, hopefully I can find some things on my next trip into town. I'll see if Alex or someone wants to go into town me with this week off, I can see a long town trip ahead. I'll have to go into most shops, but missing loads and having to come back to them, thus making the trip even longer. I've got a week off from college as it's the October educational week off, which I'm supposed to be using for reading. I haven't got anything planned at all for the week so far apart from cleaning out the animals with mother tomorrow and my usual dinner with nan over on Tuesday. I'm supposed to be going out on Saturday night with my cousin Shanice for her 19th birthday, but right now I'm feeling as if I can't be bothered. I know I should make the effort, but it's going to be at least £10 for the taxi, £5 to get into the club and even more money to spend on drinks. This is the first thought I'm having on her birthday gift too, which I should really step into gear over, silly me.

27thOctober2012

I woke up with a hangover from last nights antics, and it was a really long one that stayed with me at work. Hanging at work is not something I enjoy at all, and I hope it's something I don't have to put up with again, EVER. The work wasn't so bad itself, just the company of a last nights misery. Once I got back I pretty much went straight to sleep, I was knackered.

26thOctober2012

I've had to go into college today, purely to do a presentation on the pathogens of bacteria for a small veterinary practice in a group of 4. It went well, and what was even better was that I got to leave straight away and didn't have to bore myself for another two and a half hours listening to other groups presentate. The organisation was very well done by me, and hopefully we'll get a good grade for it too. In the evening I had my good friend Jessica' 18th birthday party to go to, which resulted me being in a mess. Jess' part of family friends, she lives down the road so we get to see each other regularly. It was nice being at her party as I knew quite a few people and got to have a catch up with people who were in her year at school (one year younger), and those which live locally that I don't get to see that much either. I must have forgotten how little I had eaten that week and went way over my drinking limit, I ended the night with throwing up and having no control of myself whatsoever. From what I can remember, I had drank one can of Strongbow, 2 pints of Strongbow and 4 Jager-bombs. I was well taken care of, but still I should have not been that far gone. The puking started off outside as I sat on a chair, with a friend sat in front of me for support, it was bloody freezing and my tights had come off by then as I had laddered them. I was wearing a big jumper at the time so while outside I pulled it over my legs, sitting in a ball position looking pretty ridiculous I can imagine. My mum came out after a while and took me inside, I was still feeling pretty sick so I went to the toilets, and ended up hugging the toilet to sleep until we were called by the taxi. As soon as I got outside I threw up again, which sadly resulted in the cuntish taxi man not allowing me to get in the car, even if our trip home was less than 5 minutes. Mum's plan was to walk home (which would have taken 20 minutes) but I was far too gone and we ended up sleeping in the car for a while, I got woken up when we were in the car as mum had drove us home, I ran straight to bed and I can imagine fell straight asleep. I'd call that a messy night, and hopefully nothing like that will happen again soon.

25thOctober2012

Last night actually went unexpectedly well, I didn't cry once, I didn't have many of my down moments, and even then Alex managed to comfort me and bring me right up again. The night was very passionate, which is something I've really needed / wanted for a while, and passionate from his side as well, not just the usual passion from me. Alex cares for me, he makes sure I'm okay, and he's an amazing friend. Sometimes he has difficulties though, when he isn't aware of what to do and when I've been backing off. I do love him.
Since the passing of Webster, I had not eaten. I'm not feeling hungry, instead just a little empty and definitely light headed. My uncle's over for the night, we're going to be getting Jimmy's pizza, and I can imagine I'll either scoff loads of it down, or barely eat. I'm not wanting to eat still, but I have been feeling ridiculously light headed today and feel like I probably should before I fall over and hurt myself. I feel me not eating is a good opportunity for me to go vegan though, something that I've been wanting to do for a while and I'm willing to try again.

24thOctober2012

I'm still feeling down today about Webster, but I'm much more in control of my emotions and I haven't even cried once as of yet! It isn't even 8.30 in the evening yet though and Alex is over too tonight. I've mentioned this before, but I feel much more comfortable around him and I tend to let my emotions go wild with him, I guess that's because I know he'll provide me the right support that I need. So far I have been doing decently well, yesterday I went out of the house and took my driving test, and today I went into college purely to do coursework (although that didn't happen) and I saw two friends, we went to the cinema to watch Looper. We went into McDonalds today, which to me just feels like a room of death. ShittyDonalds represents animals dying for me, and I can't help but feel sorry for all the possible animals mistreated through the process of slaughter in the McDonalds hands. I have so many people here for me, it's really damn nice and I appreciate them all so much for it! All anyone needs is people around them at hard times, it really does make the difference. I personally like to be there for anyone feeling low, no matter if I know them, the situation or not. It's nice to get your worries out of your system by talking to strangers sometimes.

23rdOctober2012

I'm obviously still devastated about Webster, but I'm a lot less tearful than I was yesterday, I think this is due to the amount of support I have been getting from everyone.
I'd like to focus on just Webster now, as he is dearly important, but I passed my driving test today with two minors. This was my first practical and although I'm very upset over Webster, I am proud of myself. The only problem now is that I don't know what to do with myself, I can't be completely sad that Webster has gone and I can't be completely happy that I can now drive. My emotions are really up and down right now, but keeping myself active and occupied seems to work to get my mind off of him, so I'm planning for a productive day tomorrow.
This is the story of Websters last moments: He became noticeably unwell on Monday the 15th, when he stopped eating and was throwing up anything he digested. Through the week he had less and less energy to the point where

 he wasn't even getting out of his bed to come say hello to anyone coming through the door. If anyone knows Webster, you'll know how much of a person dog he is and how much he loves people. He was taken to the vets on Friday where he spent his last few nights and had blood tests, xrays and was on antibiotics. The vets were unable to find anything wrong with him, other than he was anemic. Monday came where he wasn't recovering at all and we had our final hugs and kisses together, he was a truly wonderful dog and will be missed greatly ♥

I do seriously miss him, and I wish that there was more that could have been done for him. Things will never be the same again, and that's going to be hard for me. Webster always greets me when I come in through the door, even if I had been gone for 5 minutes, we'd then go into the kitchen and share a cuddle and squeal together. I'll never get cuddles on the sofa or on my bed again when no one knows about it. I find myself not knowing what to do, my initial thought to what to do yesterday once I was back home from the vets and by myself was to take Webster for a walk. Anytime I was down or upset, Webster would be there to cuddle and comfort me. I just want my dog back :(

22ndOctober2012

Having slept at Alex's, I woke up comforted but soon to be deeply upset. My mum rang Alex's phone as I had not came back the night before, left my phone in the car and phoned him because that was the last place I was that she knew about. When she phoned up I could tell that something was seriously wrong with Webster as she was crying and I could feel her pain over the phone. It was a terrible thought to wake up over, but at least I had someone supportive right next to me. Alex offered to come to the vets with me whether good or bad, of course I said yes and we made our way up there at 11. Mum talked to me separately and told me that this would be the last we see of Webster, he was having to be put down and this would be the last time that I would be able to see him.  There were tears from all of us, everywhere. I laid down next to Webster while he was so lifeless, and so unlike himself. It was horrible seeing him like that, but there was no chance that I couldn't say goodnight to him one last time. I cuddled him for ages, but it was nowhere as long as I wished it to be. I was the last one to give Webster a kiss and a cuddle, and that means a lot to me.
In the evening I was visited by my friends Chris, Sean and Lean. Everyone was very supportive through facebook and I'm happy that I've got so many people there for me.

My final hugs and kisses with my beautiful dog Webster <3 R.I.P Webster 20.02.2004 - 22.10.12 <3

21stOctober2012

I'm really not coping with the whole Webster situation whatsoever, I feel so lonely without him. I really do hope he comes back, I can't wait for that when I can give him HUGE cuddles in bed every night. I have been feeling reasonably down though, as my mum has been mentioning that tomorrow may be the day where we have to decide whether to put him out of his misery. I text Alex in the morning if I could come to see him in the evening, not stating why or what was wrong but making it quite obvious that something wasn't okay. he said okay and we would see each other that night at around 8. In the morning I got to see him for a small amount of 5 minutes, as the vets had only just decided that we could see him that day and I had a driving lesson straight after. I managed to keep my tears in through the lesson, through work and for most of the time up until 7.30 when I reached Alex's house. I arrived a little early as I drove my parents car there and was expecting to get out of work late. We shared cuddles when I got in and everything seemed okay, he asked a few times what was wrong as I was cuddling him from behind tightly and then I told him about Webster. He comforted me and tried to make sure I felt as secure as possible with him, we went out and sat on a bench in the rain for a good while, talking and enjoying each others warm and comfort. When we got back to his house, we went back to bed once again until a friend that is staying over his house for a month came home, we went downstairs to talk to him and then said goodnight. Alex's mother offered me a lift but I turned it down as I'm okay with walking and my mother could probably pick me up anyway, if I had gotten a lift with her, I would have had to left at that precise moment, and I really wasn't ready to be leaving Alex. We headed upstairs and laid in bed for another good while, said that we'll leave by 11 and then ended up falling asleep. He looked at the time after another hour had gone by and said that I can stay the night if I would like to, at first I was against the idea, but was just struggling to wake myself up and find the effort to walk home. I attempted to get him to stay at mine, but he wasn't having any of it so in the end I got into my sleepy clothes and we slept together.

20thOctober2012

Webster (my dog) has been at the vets for the night and will be again tonight as he's anemic. He's been put on a drip and I'm even more worried about him. I literally have no idea whether he's going to survive this or not, but obviously I'm too scared to ask the vets this. I had a breakdown over the situation this late morning / early afternoon, I wasn't too sure whether I'd cope through work either, or my driving lesson which I ended up not having. I was planning to visit Webster at the vets today, but I was too late as they closed at a stupid time of 12. Their opening hour tomorrow is just 9 - 10, and am planning to see him! It's really horrible not having him around, I come into my house thinking about him every single fucking time as we have an emotional reunion on the kitchen floor. I keep closing the gate because I keep forgetting he's not here and I go to say goodnight or goodbye to him, this is a really depressing subject for me and I really need some comfort and support.
My friend Alex is usually good with being there for me, but he seems to be disappearing and not taking an interest in my life at the moment. He hasn't made the effort to talk to me still. I called him twice yesterday, once when I was panicking about Webster and wanted some comfort, and another when I was at breaking point. He eventually picked up to me both times, but didn't seem as if he wanted to at all. He just doesn't care anymore.

19thOctober2012

 I went to The Natural History Museum today in London, I enjoyed myself however cannot say that I learned all that much, mainly due to the fact that I'm much more interested in visual stuff than reading the information. I was very disappointed in not being able to go on the spirit collection tour, which is an inside tour on animals preserved in jars. Animals in jars an taxidermy excite me greatly, unlike bones which I have barely any interest in whatsoever. I wouldn't have minded to go see the photography exhibition either, however you either need to be a member or pay £10, neither of which I have. Personally I think that the cost should have been far less, fair enough that the entrance fee for the whole place is free, but that makes it a little bit of a knock up simply to go look at some photographs. I had to do my usual thing of getting postcards (of course), on them there is a polar bear, money and fox. I really do think The Natural History Museum is a brilliant place to go and I highly suggest it to anyone near that location, there's so many interesting things to do there, and there's even a science museum close if you get bored.

This afternoon and evening as not been a good one for me at all, Webster (my border collie dog) has been taken to the vets as he has not been eating for the past few days (around 5). At first we thought that it may be because he was given some edible treatment to stop him from malting so much, but after the veterinary visit they don't think it's that. It was my mum who went to the vets as I was still at college, I got her to ring me as soon as she found out anything, because seriously I was worried! First his temperature got taken, then he had a blood test, and next was an x-ray. The vets phoned us up and said that they couldn't see anything wrong from either of the last two results, but his temperature was very high. This lead them onto keeping him in for the night and meaning that I'm laying in my bed tonight without my fluffy baby. I am seriously worried, and hopefully we'll have results by the morning telling us that he will be completely fine and there's nothing now wrong with him.
Obviously with all that happening with my dog I was panicking, and of course I have a prick of a dad who never wants to make anything better for me. My mum's phone was ringing downstairs while she was upstairs, I knew it would be from the vets so I answered and took it up to her. Both parents were in the room when I gave the phone to my mum and dad dickishly said "they're going to have to put him down" followed by a laugh. Clearly there was no chance whatsoever I was going to take this lightly, I was so angry that rather than saying
anything I stormed out of the house instead. I literally had nothing I could say, I was so shocked that he had the stupidity to say that to me, FUCKING CUNT. I took my rage out by going for a very short walk accompanied by a cigarette. Sadly I've been pretty down and really worn out for the rest of the night though.
We're down to a sad 9 hamsters now, which just adds to the bad health of my animals. I would like to know whether there's anything I could have really done to save it, I don't feel hand feeding is very practical or good for the hamster, but I guess that could have worked if the only reason was because it wasn't getting enough food and nutrients. I can only assume Mini ate this one after it had died, which I guess is a better thing to do rather that me burying it in the back garden as it means that Mini's milk contains more protein. Saying that though, I don't want any more of the babies to die so she can get enough protein, I'm happy with all the babies alive.
I will upload photos onto this blog tomorrow, as right now I have no energy whatsoever. Goodnight <3

 

18thOctober2012

So that's a total of 10 syrian hamsters born on the 17th of October 2012, bred from my hamsters Mini and Nibbler. I haven't been disturbing Mini too much so I can't really say much about them sadly, but I will be checking up on them every night, so there'll be a sort update soon.

I've been in college today, having the torture of being in an anatomy & physiology, nutrition, project and a business class. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about this too much though as it is my willing choice, and I'm even putting money into my education. I seriously love education, I'd consider never dropping it and instead do part time education and part time work for the rest of my life (only joking). I never enjoyed secondary school, but I can assume that was down to the people who were there and weren't allowing me to get the best knowledge out of it through personal distraction. Fucking hell secondary school was horrible, I much prefer college, everyone's so much more grown up and not immature in an insensitive way. In anatomy and physiology we have been covering bone and muscle structure in relation to animals, in nutrition we have been going through macronutrients and micronutrients, my project module is based on my own research on a topic of my choice (something related to hamsters); I haven't got too far on this yet and at the moment we are focusing on statistics, business doesn't interest me much but in that we are learning about business. I can't say much about business as I really do not understand it, I'm going to be needing a lot of extra help over this next year I'm sure.

I've just done my daily check on the babies, they're all still there and alive. I can't say that I really notice much difference from yesterday, but I guess they're probably already bigger. Their whiskers seem to be showing today and their belly buttons look more formed than they did yesterday (however some photos were taken straight after they were born). I feel daily updates of photos are a good thing too, makes it clear with their differences throughout the days.

Enjoy ^.^

17thOctober2012

Let the hamster diary begin! It was today that I expected Mini to have her litter originally  then from working out the hours I was expecting them anytime now, up to tomorrow evening. It has been seventeen days since I walked in on Mini and Nibbler having sex, which was completely unplanned by me and I had a big panic over. It was late at night when they had sex, around midnight and I'm not aware of how long they were having sex for. What happened is I put them both in separate balls to get some exercise while I went downstairs for a while. This was quite obviously a stupid idea, which I will make sure to never happen again. Remember kids, always keep an eye on your hamsters, even when they're 'secure' in their balls! It was around 5.20 when I first noticed blood on Mini's substrate, I then moved her cage over to my bedside desk so I could keep a close eye on her. It was 5.30 when I first heard the noise of a pup, and from research it shows that they are born once every 10 minutes, so Mini has another good hour of labour to go still. I'm updating this as we go along, which I feel may be quite obvious. She's now had her at least second pup, which was born outside of her house. I am what you can call a badly influenced owner, I cannot control my interest or excitement so will watch the mother closely, although the correct way would to leave them completely in peace with no interference of noise. The babies look even smaller than last time, even though Mini is much larger than the last littler, this makes me want to assume that there will be a larger litter than last time (9). Sadly a ridiculous amount of 5 babies did not survive last time, I think this is due to Mini not being supplied enough extra nutrients and because it was her first litter. So far I think we're onto number 3, I've had quite a few glimpses of the babies and they're looking very adorable. She went for a walk around to put some more bedding in the house for them, which sadly means there's a chance of a pup being dragged around for a little bit. I think that's as much as I'm going to see until tonight when I do a final check of the babies and to see how she's doing, I'm sure I'll do an update later with photos and videos too [if I'm able to].

16thOctober2012

I woke up feeling pretty annoyed at Alex, I of course tried phoning him last night but there was no answer, that I am fine with. What I am annoyed at is that he hasn't bothered to talk to me whatsoever, he hasn't acknowledged my phone call which is the main annoyance. I know he's awake now, and I'm sure he has seen it, if not even last night. I feel like it's a personal thing, which it may well be, but every time after this happens, he apologizes and everything is fine.
He still hadn't bothered to contact me throughout the day, it bothers me a lot and I'm now starting to feel angry over it. Of course once he does, I'll be perfectly fine about it and be all loved up with him again. I just miss him, that is all.

15thOctober2012

Webster's been ill for the past couple of days as he's been given liquid that is supposed to stop him from malting so much, sadly there's no obvious change to his loss of hair at the moment, but it's evident that he's got a bad stomach. He hasn't eaten his food today or anything else today that we have given him other than a few chicken slices and minute amounts of cheese. He's a very poorly baby and barely wants to move around anywhere, he didn't get out from his bed when I came home as he's feeling that bad. It's very adorable though, he tries to get as much sympathy and attention as he possibly can.
I've been working overtime today, allowing me to meet new people, whom of most were very friendly. One of the main things that made me want a job at Matalan [other than of course money], was to the fact that everyone's so friendly there and they all looked welcoming and reasonably happy. I feel I fit in nicely, it's strange working with new people though as I feel like I'm an odd one out, as if I was a little bit of an outsider and I didn't know many people. Although they were all nice, it was still rather strange. One person I don't seem so keen on though, is a manager who I met for the first time today. It's not that I don't like her, it's more that I don't like her approach in any way at all. Along with the fact that she was a manager, she was panicking me by the tone of her voice and the attitude towards me. As the process for usual tills was different by her having something saved, her wanting a suit bag and her being an employee, she acted as if it was my fault that I wasn't aware of what was supposed to be done. She's so far my worst manager, but thankfully I shouldn't have to be seeing her a lot at all as I think she's only weekday staff.
I will hopefully be having a good night phone call with Alex tonight, it's not definite that he'll pick up, but I will at least try. We haven't spoken properly in the past few days, there's no reason for this other than the fact that I've just assumed he's busy all the time and haven't bothered to talk to him properly. It's not often that he will start a conversation first, but he sometimes surprises me with it after a few days like this, so I can only hope :)

14thOctober2012

Fucking hell I am tired, it's not even half ten yet and I'm ready to go to sleep. It's been a long day at work, starting at 11 and ending at 7. It hasn't been a bad day at all though, it was much calmer than it has been for the past few weeks. I'm a little nervous about work though, as my friend from work got told today that she won't be able to be kept on after christmas. It makes me worried that I too will eventually be let go of, although I do work reasonably hard. I guess that my friend wasn't that much of a hard worker, it seemed as she saw it as a bit of place to socialise more than a workplace which is a shame. My managers seem to like me though, so hopefully I will be kept on after my probation, otherwise it'll be back to the poor life for me. Having money is seriously awesome, I can't believe how poor I've been for so long. I'm going to promote work to all of my children at a young age, having money makes me happy. Last year I was unable to buy anyone christmas presents, other than my mother as I had no money, it was very sad times indeed. I can't wait to earn proper amounts of money, my problem though is that I'm scared to use up big amounts at one time. I can imagine I'm going to have money issues when I'm older, a non willingness to spend it and eventually it'll drive me crazy.

13thOctober2012

It's safe to say that hiccups are not fun at all, and oh so very annoying. I've had a nice long morning and evening relaxing, and a starting hour at work of 11. I worked for just 4 and a half hours and made some decent bonds with other people who I work with. One in particular called max, who is a definite charmer. Personally I think he's widely attractive, but he's not my type to be attracted to. It's so weird talking about him like this when I barely know him, this is very strange and I'm going to stop it now.
I'm very weird when it comes to liking people in that way, it's very awful and I do wish that it wasn't so intense. I ended up dreaming about Iain last night, possibly for the second night in a row as I saw him on Friday. The dream went something along the lines of Iain being into me, and him being in his happy way telling Alex about how our kisses can't be beat, with Iain unaware about Alex and me and Alex not knowing who Iain was. What a suckish dream that was, all rather irrelevant but at least it gives me some amusement when I wake up.

12thOctober2012

Another tiring day for me I'm afraid, which tends to result in my blog being shity and small. It's ridiculous how much I complain about being tired, I can imagine it's down to the lack of sleep I get and possibly even lack of nutrients. Being a vegetarian I should be making sure that my diet consists of sufficient amount of minerals and vitamins, however this is not the case at all and I don't give a variety in my diet at all. I think I may go see a doctor sometime, to talk about multiple things. Right, that's my small and shitty blog done for the night, I apologies again but cut me some slack being a student!

11thOctober2012

Once again, I am well fucking knackered. I had an early morning as I've had college, which went well but got a little boring to the end and sadly my brain switched off and no information was being taken in. There won't be any college coaches running tomorrow, so instead I've been forced to go in an hour early, taken by mother so that I can learn what I have paid for. I think it's a little out of order that they've done this, and especially as they'll be doing it in another fortnight, but I suppose there's nothing I can really do. I'm planning to research and do coursework for the hour I'm in college early, but that all depends on if I can actually get onto any computers or not. After college I had to walk 15 minutes in the pouring rain to my house, it ruined my wavy / curly hair that I'm upset about and instead it's now a frizz ball. At least it means tomorrow I don't have to make any real effort though, instead my hair can be simply tied back and possibly no make up either, seems as we'll probably have practicals out in the rain. Since being at home for a while, I went out with my friends Nick and Ben to Superdry so that they could get 20% discount through my student card, they were very thankful but it was a long process. I was amazed to hear that the High Wycombe store had made a profit of £70,000 in just 50 minutes, from overhearing a manager like person [I could tell as she was stressed, a little demanding and rushing about]. After that we headed of to The Harvester, which as per usual left me feeling bloated and feeling as if I shouldn't eat anything for the next week. This was paid for as a thanks from the two of them, although I tried to pay, they insisted that I didn't. I'm feeling really tired now, I'm definitely up for getting my bedtime routine sorted at just 11.30.

10thOctober2012

Things today went fine with Sean, at first it was awkward but we got past that down to the fact of how simple minded he is. The film sadly wasn't so great, personally I think it's the worst one out of the sequence, but all in all, I sill enjoyed it simply because it was a Resident Evil film. I can't believe that I've done no uni work this week at all, and I'm sure I'll have to be making up for it tomorrow.

9thOctober2012

It's been a long and productive day for me. Today I've changed the water in my fish tank, had a two hour driving lesson, cleaned the rodents out and cleaned up the rest of my room. It's been a good evening though, spent watching Resident Evil 3; Extinction. I thoroughly enjoy all Resident Evil films, however I think they're being done up too much now, too many special effects which are simply ruining the films. I'll hopefully be going to watch the 5th one out tomorrow in the cinema, the only problem is that it's a 3D film and there's no way around that. 3D films tend to give me headaches and I always use to have the problem of not being able to watch any as 3D glasses don't go over usual glasses too well. I'll give this film a chance though, hopefully it'll overdo my expectations.
My driving lesson went really well today, we practiced all the maneuvers and it's safe to say that they went far better than they did two weeks ago in my lesson, where I hit the curb and such. My driving's well on its way and I'm comfortable with being able to pass my driving practical test in two weeks, with obvious nerves kicking in. My main problem is focusing, which tends to drop after an hour of driving. I enjoy driving, and may have to practice in my parents car sometime over the next two weeks.

8thOctober2012

Well today has been an unproductive day, as expected. I was planning on cleaning out all of my animals, but obviously so for a total of none have got cleaned. My room's still a mess and my coursework hasn't been done. I don't mind so much though, there's always time tomorrow or Wednesday to get that done before the busy few days of college and work. I have done some professional cooking today, it was really easy for me though because obviously I'm a pro, the chocolate rice crispy cakes taste delicious too!
I had a little attempt of getting things with Sean and me right again, but that plan failed as he was too busy with gym to come over mine and watch a film like we had planned to do. Now thinking about it, it will benefit me not being with friends as he always use to touch my boobs, bum and be perverted which got very irritating. He was nice to me though, looking out for me and wanting to be with me as we get on so easily. I don't know what brought his texts on, but maybe it'll be better for us just to go our separate ways. I guess this is stressing me out a little now, but not as much as I would have thought it would.
On a happy note, Nibbler and the two boys, Scramble and Marble are able to go in a cage together perfectly fine. The babies are a little nervy at times, but really Nibbler's too soft and dopey to do any proper harm to them. I think it's nice that they can be reunited with their father :)

7thOctober2012

Work has definitely be knackering me out this weekend, my eyes are going cross eyed where I'm so tired at the moment. I'm having to clean out my animals tomorrow, and probably my room too which will take all day for me, with a possible evening bath. Baths while it's dark outside are lush, which are especially easy when it gets to winter time as I can have a warm bath right after I get home from work. I must go now though, I have no idea what I am talking about.

6thOctober2012

Today has been a very long day at work, nothing has been done apart from selling stock, picking up clothes from the floor and putting things from the rails back on the shop floor. The last few hours were very angry ones for me, as I wanted to be out on time but knew there was no chance of that. I did ask two managers if I could go on time at 8, but my reply was that as long as everything's tidy then we'll be out. I even mentioned that I had a family thing I needed to be at, but still there was a bit of arrogance. My uncle Silbert was picking me up today, an uncle that I barely get to see. The last time I saw him was only a few weeks ago, which was only for around 20 minutes, and the time before that was over a year ago. I was thrilled to see him as it was a surprise visit, and this time I really wanted to get to spend decent time with him as I don't know when the next time I'll be able to see him is. It's sort of planned that he'll be over on the 20th, so I may book off work and hopefully we'll get to spend the night together drinking, watching films and eating / throwing popcorn at each other. I love my uncle Silbert, we're very close and I very much enjoyed seeing him. I was working from 12 - 8 today, an extra 4 hours as I got asked to work extra because it's been an extremely busy week for us. Everything's been fo manic at work and it's resulted in me enjoying it a lot less. I think I may call off work tomorrow as I'm  feeling so knackered and today's really pissed me off. Things with Sean haven't got much better, he's at the stage at the moment where he's begging me to be friends again, but still there's been no reply from me as I have no clue still how I feel about everything. I want to be friends with him but I can't believe how willing he was to let go of our friendship.

5thOctober2012

My friend Sean's really got me down today, he sent me a text this morning directly telling me that he wants to "leave and forget our friendship", at first I thought he was joking around and he had something funny to say afterwards, but he continued this on with how he doesn't care if I won't allow him to or not, and how it was easier when he never knew anyone around this area as he has only been here for a few years. From then I realised this was pretty serious, I took the smart idea of not replying to him as I'd let my emotions get the better of him. He considered me as a best friend, but how he can say something like that, I have no clue. He followed that up with "sorry, love you", but truly I think that even if you love someone as a friend, there's no way in fuck that you'd be able to simply cut the person off like that. Of course I was upset, but mainly I felt anger and just wanted to beat the shit out of something, sadly by then I was already on my way to college, which I guess is quite likely because if not then I would have made my way back home. I haven't replied to Sean since, but since the morning texts he has apologised and told me that me didn't mean any of it. I'm going to really struggle with trusting him now, he did the exact same thing to his ex best friend simply because she's dating a guy he didn't like. Sean has now told me that he's pretending to be friends with her, but truly doesn't care one bit about her. If he can say that about her after knowing her for many years and being best friends with her for many years, how the fuck is there any chance whatsoever that he's not going to do the exact same thing?!
Sean and my dad talk a reasonable amount and see each other as friends too, they were talking earlier on the phone simply for my dad to congratulate him on passing his test [today], but the topic of problems with Sean  and me came up and now my dad's trying to get involved which I don't appreciate at all. Dad mentioned something about it somehow relating to my best friend Lean and another friend of mine called Peacock, one that I haven't talked to for a while as he's back with an ex that all of his friends hate, which is a very reasonable thing. Anyway, I haven't talked to him in a very long while as his girlfriend tends to kick off at stupid things, for example me even saying hello to Peacock would make her have a huge go at Adam, so I just haven't bothered, to save arguments from them.
I don't know how I feel about my situation about Sean, and I don't know how I should feel either. I would phone Alex as just talking at him about situations make me feel better, but unfortunately for me, he is at a gig tonight so wouldn't be able to pick up for a good while, and even then he would be with friends and even possibly high because he's a disgusting drug user.
Ehh, we all knew thing's couldn't stay on a good note for long, just hopefully things will change again soon. I cannot handle sadness, especially while I've got uni work to focus on.

4thOctober2012

I've had another painful morning, getting up for college doesn't do me well one little bit. Personally I think it would really benefit me if classes started at 12 and ended at 8, or something late and similar. My brain doesn't process things well at all in the mornings, even though it's been 3+ hours from when I have woken up to my first class at college. Fair enough not everyone's brain works like this, but thinking about it now it seems a little unfair. I guess this is just me being lazy, I should really work out how not to be. I've been working on coursework for anatomy and physiology this evening, science related things are another thing that my brain doesn't like to process either, so having science in the mornings doesn't work out for me at all. Although my concentration's been a little poor today, I'd say it's gone well. I got to see faces I wanted to see, had to put up with a couple that I didn't but it wasn't too bad. My plan was to get to sleep before 12 tonight, but I've taken another 20 minutes online than I should have done, night time routine now: Interwebs check, cigarette, bathroom; teeth, contacts and face, downstairs for a drink, goodnight to Webster and sometimes Jasper depending on where she is, another interwebs check and then a good while positioning myself in bed properly and a few turnovers while I struggle to get to sleep. Goodnighty :)

3rdOctober2012

Being on top of my blog feels really good, it's all a lot more relaxed. While in a phone call with Alex last night, we discussed meeting today after his driving lesson as it ends at 2 and he could easily end it at my house and make his way back later. I woke up feeling decently well, and then soon after remembered about our plans and the excitement kicked in. I truly do look forward to seeing him so much, the best time is time spent with Alex. Nothing worth mentioning happened in the morning, just a usual cleanup of my room before he was around, getting cleaned up myself for him and a decent trip to Pets At Home. I bought 8 fish while there, and my tank's looking much better now, far more lively and beautiful. My problem with animals, is that I want them all. There was a very adorable rabbit there, that was very fluffy and little, a grumpy/sleepy chinchilla who had a gorgeous coat and I feel would fit in nicely with Rou. When I got home, Alex was in the car with our driving instructor and they were looking through the BSM handbook which has diagrams of road markings and such, it's much easier to understand things that way. We had a nice cuddle when he finally finished his driving lesson and came into my house, he said hello to my mum and Webster, then we made our way upstairs and into my room as usual. We did our usual thing of kissing and stopping just before we get to the sex part, which is a huge disappointment for me but I guess it's easily done if I was in that much of a desperate need. He gave me an amazing massage, which used up a lot of a massage bar that he got for me, possibly for my birthday. He put lots of effort into giving me a massage, and gave me lots of attention which I enjoyed thoroughly. It was a very lovely afternoon spent with Alex, however ended shortly at 5 after I had walked him just over halfway to his house with Webster and gave him a kiss goodbye. He told me he loves me a couple of times just as we were about to say goodbye, oh how I wish he meant it like I do.

2ndOctober2012

Today has been another lazy day, however definitely spent with the wrong person. I've spent the day over Sean's house watching Resident Evil together, the films are very enjoyable and we're preparing ourselves to go watch the 5th one in cinema next Wednesday. My day was spent with the wrong person as at the moment, Sean is just getting over an illness, and it may well be fucking likely that I have caught it. I've either got a sore throat and a headache at the moment, or paranoia. I definitely hope it's the second one as I don't want to be missing any more of uni! I mentioned last night that Mini and Nibbler have had sex again, and that it's worrying me. That was the main thought on my mind last night before I went to sleep, and I really do hope she's not pregnant. Unfortunately it wasn't a planned mating session, and I will not be able to keep any babies if she is pregnant. It won't be too bad for her health as it's been a good while since she had the first lot of pups, but just like any pregnancy, it does risk her life. Personally I think she will end up pregnant, but I'm in desperate hope that she won't be. This all happened because I left Mini and Nibbler in separate balls for too long, unsupervised. There's no chance I'll make this mistake again and I'm very wary of it now. Of course I'll be excited if she does have babies, however I know that I'll have to get rid of them ALL and that will be very hard for me. As this would be Mini's second pregnancy, I can imagine she'll know what to do a lot better now and the babies have a much bigger chance of survival. At the moment I still have the two girls in one cage, and the two boys in another cage. I've had no problems with the boys being together, but the girls fight every few days and today blood was drawn. It's obvious who the dominative hamster is in the two females, but I cannot tell out of the boys, they just seem to live in harmony instead. I love all of my animals <3

1stOctober2012

I’ve been so lazy with my blog this week it’s been ridiculous, it’s all gotten on top of me but finally I can save I’ve got there and I’m back to my usual daily updating. Today I have done absolutely nothing other than being a couch potato. I’ve watched Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, South Park, Love Actually and Knocked Up. South Park is my personal favourite out of all of them, however I still found all the others very enjoyable. I’ve been really sleepy today for no reason, probably because I’ve been making nothing out of my day, I ended up nearly falling asleep on the sofa with Webster. One thing I will mention but not discuss is that Mini and Nibbler had sex again tonight, it’s safe to say that I’m pretty worried and stressed out about it.