30thAugust2012

This is the third night that I've been extremely upset, and definitely the worst. Our argument was over the fact that they wouldn't allow me to clean my animals out after I had ended my driving lesson, instead they wanted me to have finished cleaning them all out that would have taken around 4 hours to do and be done at 1. By then I would have been tired out from waking early, tired from cleaning the animals out and far too tired to be driving around for 2 hours. I ended up getting so angry and upset at my parents that I decided to walk to Alex's for comfort. I hadn't spoken to him for a week at this point, but after my second phone call and a bit of persuading he allowed for me to walk to his house to see him at around 10 in the evening. It took me around 40 minutes to get there, and another 40 waiting around for his dad to go upstairs so either I could sneak in or Alex could sneak to the door. I finally got into Alex's house and we sat downstairs in the living room curled up on the sofa with a duvet, as it was a very cold night and it had been ages that I was out there for. I love the moments where we're together alone, but have not kissed yet and the tension's building up; our faces close together but not touching, out hands across each others bodies but nothing too much and our eyes deeply gazing into each others. It takes my breath away when it seems as if we're about to kiss and have not yet done that day, it's an amazing feeling being freed from the worry that we may not make that close connection ever again. We of course did eventually kiss, with out hands all over the other's body and the urge for more. As I'm physically unable to have sex at the moment, I wasn't feeling to go near his private parts or have anything like that happen. I did enjoy nothing like that happening for a while, and then realised I cannot bear for a moment like that to slip away from me without doing anything. We were both happy with what happened, but possibly were both thinking why is this still happening. We laid down and embraced our last few moments of being with each other for a while and then I quietly left, leaving him safely in his own home. He did allow for me to call him on my walk home, and even for quite a while after while we were both in bed, very sleepy and not having targeted conversations. I appreciated greatly that he was there for me in my time of need, and stayed on the phone to me too. It was Alex who came on to me, unlike the usual other way around, it makes me want to think that he does still have big feelings for me, and gives me hope that one day we'll get back together. I want to tell him how I feel, and I was close to it tonight however I don't feel comfortable as I think it's been said too much. Our 3 years would have been coming up next Wednesday, I would love for him to ask me out on the anniversary but sadly that's far too perfect for either one of us.