14thAugust2012

I'll be getting an earlier night possibly as Alex isn't online or able to talk to tonight, which doesn't bother me too much as I've spoken to him a bit earlier however that won't stop me from laying in my bed for far too long trying to get to sleep but instead having deep thoughts about him. I've realised today that it's only 2 weeks away to when he goes to Reading Festival, where he will be taking various drugs and getting high off his face. I disapprove of illegal drugs tremendous amounts, and especially when it's someone I care about dearly. Although Alex has taken drugs several times before, weed and ecstasy is all I know of, it does not get easier being aware that he's doing it every time. I get deeply upset when I know he's doing it, at one night gigs I'm a wreck for the whole night and I can imagine while he's at Reading for the weekend I'm going to have a breakdown. I can feel myself getting emotional just thinking about it now. In all honesty, if Alex died I would kill myself. I'm a sucker for love and my life seriously wouldn't be worth living; although eventually I'd be able to cope with it, I can imagine I'd suffer from depression for a hell of a long time. It's amazing where my thoughts can lead to, from me having an earlier night, Alex being out, him being at Reading Festival and taking drugs to him dying. I'm not too sure why but I always link drugs to death, and feel like that's the only possibility if it's carried on. People may say weed's not so bad, but even that causes problems to people's minds and body functions. Less harsh substances such as weed can easily lead up to heavy drugs which are heavily addictive and have serious consequences for. I feel so sick now thinking about Alex going anywhere near that shit.
On a more positive note I have all 4 of my baby hamsters, they all look healthy and are growing well. They're eating food now too along with their mothers milk which makes me a lot more relaxed as it means they've got an alternative to Mini, as she's not always near them where as they're always able to reach food. I haven't caught sight of any of their eyes opening yet, but it should be sometime soon as they're now 2 weeks old. I really can't explain to you how much I love them all, they're so adorable and I'm very willing to look after them for as long as needs be.
Here's a little bit about Kids In Glass Houses, who I have listened to in past years only a few amounts but am now getting back into as they're playing in my local town next month. So far from what I can tell is that they have a good variety of songs, those that are fast, slow, happy and sad. Personally I like the upbeat happy ones, but I can get into their other songs too. My favourite song so far that I have listened to of theirs is Church Tongue, but I believe that Undercover is a very popular song of theirs. I'll be very gutted if I'm unable to see them when they come near me, but I'm sure I'll let barely anything get in my way of seeing them.