22ndAugust2012

I decided to go to my friends last night and then stay there, his name's Jordie and we've known each other for a good 4 years now. We don't talk that often, but are always friendly when we see each other out and about. I didn't know who would be there until I got there, but the people turned out to be decent enough and I know 1 of them decently well as she lives down my road and we've known each other for a good 10 years now. Her name is Vic and she can be nice, however often over the top as she's a lightweight, gets drunk and turns into an emotional wreck every single time I see her drinking. Apart from her and a boy she's been having sex with for a while arguing all night and keeping me up it wasn't too bad. My good friend Jordie kept trying it on with me, but I had to keep repeating that nothing was going to happen. I wouldn't have thought he would have been like that with me, but I guess I'm not that surprised as he seems to be able to work himself around girls pretty easily. We got into a short conversation about his ex, which is now obvious that he has strong feelings for as he had to leave the room as he was crying. When he came back he told me everything was fine, although it was far from it. While laying down in the bed I attempted to comfort him my laying close to his back and having one arm cuddled around him, from this though I could feel how much he was trying to pull back his tears and how upset he was, it was that sort of crying where you're so upset that you can't breathe properly and your whole body starts shaking. Jordie has been known to get upset while drinking, and just upset in normal times quite often, I really do feel bad for him because honestly he is one of the nicest people I have ever met, he's always so friendly towards everyone and keeps everyone involved / makes sure they're okay. I finally managed to get to sleep in Jordie's bed, facing bum to bum at 7 in the morning to then wake up at 10 as Vic once again kept people awake. I stayed there until around 3 in the afternoon as my friend very kindly gave Jordie a lift into town so that he could go to the shitty Reading festival.
I don't approve of Reading festival at all, there are far too many drugs for my liking and it's a shit hole. I'm really angry with Alex at this precise moment, but my moods towards him will be all over the place for the next 5 days. I will want to ask Alex about it when he comes back, but I know I'll be scared of hearing what he's done. I genuinely feel like I don't know Alex so well any more, he's changed ridiculous amounts.
On a happy note though, my dad has humane mice catching traps, he caught one through the night and I've been taking care of it today as it was all wet, very frightened and looked very lifeless. Since then I have washed dirt from it's body, dried it all off, gave it a home and kept it near me. It's nesting in my hair at the moment, it seems to like it there very much. I think it's incredible how this house mouse is friendlier than my Syrian hamster [both girls], seems as one is wild and one has been with me for a good few months now.
The conversation got brought up with Vic and me earlier about how Alex and I should get back together, to which my easiest answer was that 'it's never that simple'. I would love to go back out with Alex, I would die to be able to but in reality this is not always my opinion, I get mad at him so often and I'm sure he gets annoyed with me just as often. I do love Alex, but I can't imagine being in a relationship would work out for the both of us at the moment :(