16thAugust2012

Once again so far today there has been minimal contact with Alex, which is feeling a little great, a little lonely, a little powerful and a little sad. I'm not too sure how to take it as the past two days it has been him who hasn't been available, from not being online or being out and today I've given a blunt reply and appearing offline to him. My feelings work in a strange way towards Alex with seeing him, once I have seen him face to face I want to see him really soon again and miss him major amounts, then the longer it gets left the more I simply don't care and would rather not see him. This has always been a problem with us as he works in the normal way, but for a long while he doesn't seem to care about seeing me, it's always me asking to see him but it's been this long now and I've just been so disappointed with him that I'm going to hopefully be stubborn and not ask to meet up with him.
I've finally cancelled my ucas application to Nottingham Trent University today, as instead I'm doing the level 5 course which is at my college. I'm excited to go back to college and see the new animals, however I'm a little gutted that I didn't go to a proper university. I'm thinking at the moment that I may want to go to uni after my two years at college, or even possibly one which would afterwards allow me to go to uni with my best friend. My course isn't too bad as if I drop out after just 1 year I'll still get a certificate for it and it wouldn't be too much of a problem. I can imagine the Uni experience would be amazing, and it would give me a good start on living by myself and being properly responsible of myself. Although I would be extremely nervous at first, it would really help me and I wish I could experience it this year. I'll start looking at universities soon :)