31stAugust2012

After the big argument with my parents last night I decided it would be best to stay away from them for a while, but I had nothing better to do other than drink with them as they had turned my internet off. The internet is one thing that seriously gets me down and affects me, I honestly go crazy if it gets turned off. I really have no clue what to do with myself so instead I turn hopelessly to drink. I got on well with my dad in the afternoon / evening, but again not so much my mother as she was complaining that I'd broken a washing basket and my bedroom door a little bit more. That was out of order, however I think anger management lessons or something or equal standard rather than winding me up would have worked out much better. I eventually got my internet back late in the evening, however didn't run for it straight away as I was enjoying my dads company; we were talking about animal things. I went to join my mum in the front room and watch telly with her, however she soon left simply because she was tired and not because she was still angry with me. I laid down on the sofa and fell asleep quickly with Webster, it was safe to say I was pretty knackered! One thought that night was telling Alex how I felt through a phone call, but very thankfully I chose to sleep rather than give him a drunken phone call. I think I may have to tell him in the next few days how I feel though, and probably on the phone too as it's unlikely that I'll be seeing him any time soon. I never have the confidence to tell him any more, it's always the same outcome of us two being more than friends but no dating.

30thAugust2012

This is the third night that I've been extremely upset, and definitely the worst. Our argument was over the fact that they wouldn't allow me to clean my animals out after I had ended my driving lesson, instead they wanted me to have finished cleaning them all out that would have taken around 4 hours to do and be done at 1. By then I would have been tired out from waking early, tired from cleaning the animals out and far too tired to be driving around for 2 hours. I ended up getting so angry and upset at my parents that I decided to walk to Alex's for comfort. I hadn't spoken to him for a week at this point, but after my second phone call and a bit of persuading he allowed for me to walk to his house to see him at around 10 in the evening. It took me around 40 minutes to get there, and another 40 waiting around for his dad to go upstairs so either I could sneak in or Alex could sneak to the door. I finally got into Alex's house and we sat downstairs in the living room curled up on the sofa with a duvet, as it was a very cold night and it had been ages that I was out there for. I love the moments where we're together alone, but have not kissed yet and the tension's building up; our faces close together but not touching, out hands across each others bodies but nothing too much and our eyes deeply gazing into each others. It takes my breath away when it seems as if we're about to kiss and have not yet done that day, it's an amazing feeling being freed from the worry that we may not make that close connection ever again. We of course did eventually kiss, with out hands all over the other's body and the urge for more. As I'm physically unable to have sex at the moment, I wasn't feeling to go near his private parts or have anything like that happen. I did enjoy nothing like that happening for a while, and then realised I cannot bear for a moment like that to slip away from me without doing anything. We were both happy with what happened, but possibly were both thinking why is this still happening. We laid down and embraced our last few moments of being with each other for a while and then I quietly left, leaving him safely in his own home. He did allow for me to call him on my walk home, and even for quite a while after while we were both in bed, very sleepy and not having targeted conversations. I appreciated greatly that he was there for me in my time of need, and stayed on the phone to me too. It was Alex who came on to me, unlike the usual other way around, it makes me want to think that he does still have big feelings for me, and gives me hope that one day we'll get back together. I want to tell him how I feel, and I was close to it tonight however I don't feel comfortable as I think it's been said too much. Our 3 years would have been coming up next Wednesday, I would love for him to ask me out on the anniversary but sadly that's far too perfect for either one of us.

29thAugust2012

Well my dad’s really fucking pissed me off once again today, he did it yesterday too so I spent my afternoon and night drinking myself to happiness, and for once, it worked. I’m drinking again tonight, and if he thinks he’s going to have an easy time he is thinking very wrong. I borrowed £5 earlier from the cabinet so that I could get the bus into town, when I got back I was chilling for around 30 minutes until he started an argument with me. He came to my room and said give me my £5 back, I said okay I’ll bring it down as I’m coming downstairs anyway in 4 minutes. As he was walking back downstairs he rudely shouted give me my money back, which pissed me the fuck off and made me realise that he owes me money for my mouthwash that he stole from me, and he followed that with shouting abuse at me and then turning the internet off. I wish my parents weren’t together, that was fucking great as he knew we both hated him and he was very unwanted. Yesterday he pissed me off by taking a whole pack of biscuits bar the few that were given to us, one each and he walked away with the rest of them. I said that I wanted more to my mum so she went and got one, my dad’s such a greedy fucking cunt and shoved loads in his mouth while rubbing it in my face, right now’s not a great time for me so I flipped and hit him. He kept saying “how old are you?” in a really aggressive tone and then hit me several times, I don’t see how you can teach someone not to do something by doing the exact same thing as they did, he truly is fucking retarded. I seriously hate my dad, and if you want to argue this out with me feel very free as there’s no way I could lose or even like him in the slightest. He is horrible to me, and I would much rather he wasn’t in my life. I’ve been feeling really down lately, harming myself has been happening and so have suicide thoughts, I know I couldn’t do it, but it does come across my mind often.

I still haven’t spoken to Alex since he’s been back, so that’s a week that we haven’t spoken for now. It is getting to me and it feels really strange. He’s always on my mind, but I can only assume I haven’t been on his otherwise he would have called by now, like I asked him to as soon as he got back on Monday. Again I will say this, when I have problems with Alex, all my other problems intensify. I wish he had more common sense about what I want, but unfortunately he is clueless even though I have told him what I’d like several million times. I don’t want to talk to him ever again at times, but then I want to be back with him. I don’t know if our sexual friendship will carry on, as I’m pretty sure he said to me at one of the later times something about why are we still doing this with each other, as if we’re going to have to move on eventually. It would have been our 3 years on the 5^th, which is a week today but I can imagine instead I’ll just be having a down day by myself thinking about him for the whole entire time and having deep thoughts about what could have been with us. Although I did cheat on him a terrible two times, I did truly love him, and I still do. I have thought at times that I’m over him, but really we all know that’s not true otherwise he wouldn’t be on my mind like he is as much as he is. I have always thought we would get back together, and still reality has not struck me. I do want to move on, but I want to be with him more which is why I can’t do that. I get far too attached to people and far too quickly, which is a very fair thing to say.

I’ve got my uni course starting on the 13^th, I am excited but I can’t help but worry about fitting back into a friend group. I know the majority of people coming back, but still it will be strange and I’ll feel like an outcast at times. Not only that, but I’m worrying about the course work too as it’ll be a lot harder and I don’t want to get behind on it like I usually do.

I need to sort out my life eventually but I feel I need help with it. Writing most definitely has helped me but I think talking about it to a therapist would do even better, as they could help me shape and guide my life.

28thAugust2012

Some people are very boring and doing the same thing over and over again can be extremely irritating. I've still not spoken to Alex and he hasn't made effort to contact me, although I haven't been appearing online to him. I would have loved for him to call me, and think I may stay away until he does so. Tonight has been really hard with missing him, so far I've been thinking about him continuously all night and have looked through all of his profile pictures. There were a few pictures of us two where I had a smile on my face that showed I was truly happy, feeling butterflies in my stomach because I was with him and showing the results of a beautiful relationship. I'm really fucking missing him tonight and can see this'll be a night of tight hugs with my teddies.

27thAugust2012

Today's the day that both Alex and Chris come home. It's safe to say that I was much more excited to talk to Chris than Alex as I knew everything'd be alright with him. It was amazing when Chris finally got back and messaged me, we had a nice reuniting phone call where we bitched and moaned about Peacock getting back with his skank of an ex. Although we don't usually talk once a week any more, I really have missed Chris while he's been away, I can assume that's because even if I have wanted to contact him I wouldn't have been able to. Alex on the other hand hasn't made the effort to speak to me at all today, even though I asked him before he went away to politely ring me when he's back, but obviously there's been nothing. I am pissed off with Alex, obviously all the drug taking has gotten to me quite badly as I'm feeling very negative towards him.  Since Wednesday since we last spoke time has gone very quickly, and now that it's over it doesn't seem like he was gone for very long at all. Ahh hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

26thAugust2012

I've had a nice day at work, instead of being on the usual women-swear I was on the home-wear. It was nice as I was by myself, and I was completely in control of the section. I had my full amount of work hours again and got on very nicely with those that I talked to throughout the day. After work I was very sleepy but went over to my friend Sean's house where we sat around a bonfire drinking Strongbow. Later on I had a friend called Leaver over whilst Sean was over too, we chilled with the telly. I sadly feel I didn't impress Leaver as I like him a little, however he's moving away in 3 weeks to uni so that's out of the question anyway. Leaver left at just before 3 as he had to watch a programme, and Sean and me later fell asleep on the sofas and woke at 4.45, he went home and I went to bed.

25thAugust2012

I've had a nice day at work, although I'm terrible at remembering people's names. I must sleep now as more work tomorrow, wish me luck

24thAugust2012

I actually think I look really pretty tonight, and I don't think that often! My dress looks nice too however I may have a few problems with the boob area as the dress comes out a little far, but that's nothing some tit tape can't help. I'm feeling excited for tonight, but am feeling a little tired already although I haven't even done anything today and it's only 7.30 in
the evening. Hopefully you'll agree that I've made enough effort, but if not that's absolutely fine as we've all got out opinions :)

23rdAugust2012

I really don't like this mouse tonight, I just wasn't supposed to catch it obviously. It's been a good 4 hours since the first sighting of it and the preparation / attempts of catching it. I woke up around 12.30 today, got to sleep really quickly as I was knackered last night. It's quite late now so hopefully I'll get to sleep quickly and won't have things playing on my mind for too long. Today's seemed to go quickly in relation to talking to Alex, usually days drag themselves out when I haven't been speaking to him. I haven't minded today so much, although I have eaten far too much, done absolutely nothing and have been pretty sleepy.

22ndAugust2012

I decided to go to my friends last night and then stay there, his name's Jordie and we've known each other for a good 4 years now. We don't talk that often, but are always friendly when we see each other out and about. I didn't know who would be there until I got there, but the people turned out to be decent enough and I know 1 of them decently well as she lives down my road and we've known each other for a good 10 years now. Her name is Vic and she can be nice, however often over the top as she's a lightweight, gets drunk and turns into an emotional wreck every single time I see her drinking. Apart from her and a boy she's been having sex with for a while arguing all night and keeping me up it wasn't too bad. My good friend Jordie kept trying it on with me, but I had to keep repeating that nothing was going to happen. I wouldn't have thought he would have been like that with me, but I guess I'm not that surprised as he seems to be able to work himself around girls pretty easily. We got into a short conversation about his ex, which is now obvious that he has strong feelings for as he had to leave the room as he was crying. When he came back he told me everything was fine, although it was far from it. While laying down in the bed I attempted to comfort him my laying close to his back and having one arm cuddled around him, from this though I could feel how much he was trying to pull back his tears and how upset he was, it was that sort of crying where you're so upset that you can't breathe properly and your whole body starts shaking. Jordie has been known to get upset while drinking, and just upset in normal times quite often, I really do feel bad for him because honestly he is one of the nicest people I have ever met, he's always so friendly towards everyone and keeps everyone involved / makes sure they're okay. I finally managed to get to sleep in Jordie's bed, facing bum to bum at 7 in the morning to then wake up at 10 as Vic once again kept people awake. I stayed there until around 3 in the afternoon as my friend very kindly gave Jordie a lift into town so that he could go to the shitty Reading festival.
I don't approve of Reading festival at all, there are far too many drugs for my liking and it's a shit hole. I'm really angry with Alex at this precise moment, but my moods towards him will be all over the place for the next 5 days. I will want to ask Alex about it when he comes back, but I know I'll be scared of hearing what he's done. I genuinely feel like I don't know Alex so well any more, he's changed ridiculous amounts.
On a happy note though, my dad has humane mice catching traps, he caught one through the night and I've been taking care of it today as it was all wet, very frightened and looked very lifeless. Since then I have washed dirt from it's body, dried it all off, gave it a home and kept it near me. It's nesting in my hair at the moment, it seems to like it there very much. I think it's incredible how this house mouse is friendlier than my Syrian hamster [both girls], seems as one is wild and one has been with me for a good few months now.
The conversation got brought up with Vic and me earlier about how Alex and I should get back together, to which my easiest answer was that 'it's never that simple'. I would love to go back out with Alex, I would die to be able to but in reality this is not always my opinion, I get mad at him so often and I'm sure he gets annoyed with me just as often. I do love Alex, but I can't imagine being in a relationship would work out for the both of us at the moment :(

21stAugust2012

Well I finally got to sleep at 5 in the morning, to be woken and said goodbye to at 10 and then eventually properly wake up by myself at 2 in the afternoon. It was a very glorious sleep I must admit and I'm very proud with myself for being able to get back to sleep. I told Lean I'd assist her in getting STI tested so had to be ready for 3, which allowed me to do basically nothing to prepare for town. Lean has had sex with 12 people now at the age of 18, I do find this rather disgusting I must say. I have no doubt that there isn't any chance that the two people I had sex with have anything unhealthy as I believe them very much so that they were both virgins, one I'm certain of. I guess it would have been better for me to get tested too, but that would have involved a blood test so I can imagine I'll never get one done, instead just stick to my safe ways. I think the reason I'm so refined when it comes to getting off with people is because of Lean, seeing her do it several times it's made me see how truly revolting it is and how much I don't want to be like that. I don't see the need in doing anything sexual in the slightest with someone if you're not together, I know I'm a hypocrite for saying that but really it doesn't make sense. I guess I still allow Alex and me to do things together as I have seriously strong feelings for him and I'm a sucker for his adorable face that I love so much. In town we went to various shops, walked around a little and got NN too which was delicious of course. After this we both had to go home and get ready for going into town drinking in Yates, which is fairly the busiest place in town but the dance floor is far too small. I stayed on the phone to Alex throughout the whole of my bath, which is pretty impressive I think. I would have loved to stay on the phone with him forever meaning he wouldn't be able to go to Reading, but he wasn't up for that sadly. I managed to not spend too much in the evening and not get wasted either, not even drunk but still enjoyed myself with all the music playing, even if it was a lot black music. I hate what alcohol does to people, but I feel safe with it.

20thAugust2012

Today I've been cleaning up my room and cleaning out my animals ready for Lean and Adam to come over, I can safely say it was very boring and long however quite a bit rewarding too as it looks nice and I've even moved my bedroom furniture around. There are a few disadvantages of this set out, like the hole in my carpet being on show, not being able to open one of my cupboard doors open properly and having no wall side to my bed, but I do like a change around and this now means I'm able to get into my cupboard without having to move all the animal cages.
Lean and Adam came over in the evening so that we could have a film night, which consisted of watching Space Jam, Daddy Day Care and then Disturbia. It amused me though how Lean and me were the ones who chose the scary film and Adam chose the family one. I do enjoy spending time with the both of them, but Chris was supposed to be there too as it's our little friend group, but sadly he's in Cyprus at the moment so missed out on the amazing experience of having a film night with us. Lean's sleeping in my bed tonight, will be very compact and sweaty I can imagine.

19thAugust2012

It has been an extremely hot weekend, but sadly I've been inside working rather than outside sunbathing in it. Work was enjoyable again, and I much prefer the shop floor as it means I can zone out a little while working, and I also strangely love re-arranging things. I spent around an hour and a half checking the section in women's-wear that I was on looked presentable and all the sizes were in the right order, then another hour and a half sorting out the sale items which were absolutely everywhere. I enjoyed sorting the sale stuff out more simply because I like making things organised.
I can only assume it's going to be a quiet two nights for me on here as Monday I've got Lean and Adam over and on Tuesday night I'm going out drinking, I'll apologies for shit-ness in the blogs now.

18thAugust2012

Well he's made the effort of talking to me tonight, but I'm not having much of it. I far too upset about all his drug taking, really cannot be bothered with any of it. I am happy we've spoke for a little bit tonight, although this will in no way get him off my mind. If things are going wrong for Alex and me, then everything else will go wrong for me too as I get very stressed.
I've had my second day at work today, it went well and I was being till trained that went well in my opinion. I'm a little poor at finding tags, folding clothes and remembering to use their Matalan card but I can only get better. I prefer to work on the shop floor rather than on tills because it seems like easier work, you're not standing in the same place and it's more relaxed. I hope I'm on women's-wear tomorrow but we'll see. The only problem is though that I get very tired afterwards as I'm not use to getting out of bed all day let alone doing something productive for 3 - 4 hours. I'll have a good nights sleep on Sunday night I'm sure!

17thAugust2012

I'm really getting along with my driving now, from today's lesson I've noticed I'm getting much better. I still slip up often of course but it's less regular, I have problems with keeping to the speed limit, slowing down in correct time, being smooth with the clutch and my main problem is checking the mirror before everything else. I enjoy driving and may start learning in my parents car which is a Vauxhall Vectra.
I'm pretty bummed out that I haven't spoken to Alex once again today, just feel as if I don't know what to do with myself.

16thAugust2012

Once again so far today there has been minimal contact with Alex, which is feeling a little great, a little lonely, a little powerful and a little sad. I'm not too sure how to take it as the past two days it has been him who hasn't been available, from not being online or being out and today I've given a blunt reply and appearing offline to him. My feelings work in a strange way towards Alex with seeing him, once I have seen him face to face I want to see him really soon again and miss him major amounts, then the longer it gets left the more I simply don't care and would rather not see him. This has always been a problem with us as he works in the normal way, but for a long while he doesn't seem to care about seeing me, it's always me asking to see him but it's been this long now and I've just been so disappointed with him that I'm going to hopefully be stubborn and not ask to meet up with him.
I've finally cancelled my ucas application to Nottingham Trent University today, as instead I'm doing the level 5 course which is at my college. I'm excited to go back to college and see the new animals, however I'm a little gutted that I didn't go to a proper university. I'm thinking at the moment that I may want to go to uni after my two years at college, or even possibly one which would afterwards allow me to go to uni with my best friend. My course isn't too bad as if I drop out after just 1 year I'll still get a certificate for it and it wouldn't be too much of a problem. I can imagine the Uni experience would be amazing, and it would give me a good start on living by myself and being properly responsible of myself. Although I would be extremely nervous at first, it would really help me and I wish I could experience it this year. I'll start looking at universities soon :)

15thAugust2012

Right so self harming has got my attention tonight as someone publicly announced online that they're doing it. Personally thinking in a sober mind I would think that they're just doing it for attention, but as I've been drinking tonight I want to support them. I have self harmed in the past by cutting myself, usually the wrists as you can get to veins easily or on my shoulder where it's easy to go deep. I hate that anyone feels the need to ever do it, but it does happen and it is a big problem. I would love to help people who are depressed or in need, maybe I'll join Samaritans. I love people who do free work for others :)

14thAugust2012

I'll be getting an earlier night possibly as Alex isn't online or able to talk to tonight, which doesn't bother me too much as I've spoken to him a bit earlier however that won't stop me from laying in my bed for far too long trying to get to sleep but instead having deep thoughts about him. I've realised today that it's only 2 weeks away to when he goes to Reading Festival, where he will be taking various drugs and getting high off his face. I disapprove of illegal drugs tremendous amounts, and especially when it's someone I care about dearly. Although Alex has taken drugs several times before, weed and ecstasy is all I know of, it does not get easier being aware that he's doing it every time. I get deeply upset when I know he's doing it, at one night gigs I'm a wreck for the whole night and I can imagine while he's at Reading for the weekend I'm going to have a breakdown. I can feel myself getting emotional just thinking about it now. In all honesty, if Alex died I would kill myself. I'm a sucker for love and my life seriously wouldn't be worth living; although eventually I'd be able to cope with it, I can imagine I'd suffer from depression for a hell of a long time. It's amazing where my thoughts can lead to, from me having an earlier night, Alex being out, him being at Reading Festival and taking drugs to him dying. I'm not too sure why but I always link drugs to death, and feel like that's the only possibility if it's carried on. People may say weed's not so bad, but even that causes problems to people's minds and body functions. Less harsh substances such as weed can easily lead up to heavy drugs which are heavily addictive and have serious consequences for. I feel so sick now thinking about Alex going anywhere near that shit.
On a more positive note I have all 4 of my baby hamsters, they all look healthy and are growing well. They're eating food now too along with their mothers milk which makes me a lot more relaxed as it means they've got an alternative to Mini, as she's not always near them where as they're always able to reach food. I haven't caught sight of any of their eyes opening yet, but it should be sometime soon as they're now 2 weeks old. I really can't explain to you how much I love them all, they're so adorable and I'm very willing to look after them for as long as needs be.
Here's a little bit about Kids In Glass Houses, who I have listened to in past years only a few amounts but am now getting back into as they're playing in my local town next month. So far from what I can tell is that they have a good variety of songs, those that are fast, slow, happy and sad. Personally I like the upbeat happy ones, but I can get into their other songs too. My favourite song so far that I have listened to of theirs is Church Tongue, but I believe that Undercover is a very popular song of theirs. I'll be very gutted if I'm unable to see them when they come near me, but I'm sure I'll let barely anything get in my way of seeing them.

13thAugust2012

I have left this far too late to white something once again, very silly me indeed. Nothing's really stood out in my day worth mentioning [other than the babies of course], so I'll tell you about my day instead. I woke up at around 12.20, chilled with the hamsters, showered, chilled with the hamsters some more, been online all day and watched the Big Brother Final tonight. That's as exciting as my life gets right there.
Now for the 4 baby hamsters, who are very adorable I must say! I've started handling them properly now as it's been 2 weeks since they were born and Mini seems to allow me to do so with little stress. All of the babies are now eating solid foods along with their mothers milk now, which I must say is rather cute as they're so tiny. While holding the smaller one earlier I laid it in my hand and placed food around it, including hamster chocolate which of course if preferred over the others. For around 20 minutes it kept switching from eating chocolate to sleeping, having a change around every 5 minutes. I have hope for these four and have even picked names for them all; Mash, Scramble, Barley and Marble! I'm feeling for Barley and Mash to be the two brown ones, and Marble and Scramble to be the brown and white patterned ones. I'm definitely feeling to keep them all now :)

12thAugust2012

The Olympics is now over, and it was properly celebrated by a very impressive closing ceremony. Although there's so much I could complain about England, they really have done well for themselves over these past 2 weeks. It fills me with joy knowing how many people put time, effort and dedication into the Olympics. There were over 70,000 people who applied to help out, which by my poor calculations is around 1/1000 of the United Kingdoms population. Everything was so well done, and will honestly be something I will always want to remember. Because the Olympics has been held at my own country, I feel much more of a part of it whereas if it was somewhere else I wouldn't be able to go see a sport live or understand the opening and closing ceremony properly. Whenever GB people would perform, the crowd really went wild as for the majority of us, it's our team. It was so spectacular I want to cry.
We cannot though forget the Paralympics which is coming up in two weeks! We all know that it doesn't get enough recognition, but hopefully because of this a lot more people in our country will want to support those with disabilities this year and every following year. I will be seeing Paralympic Athletics next month, I'm very excited! I'm so in love with my country right now <3

11thAugust2012

I am seriously fucking amused right now! A guy who I have been talking to for just ONE night, less than a hour conversation, now thinks that we are dating and that he loves me. It's all happened so fast I can't believe it. My relationship request is there on Facebook waiting for me, along with a status shortly declaring his love for me. I am rather scared, although his friends taking the piss out of him make me feel a whole lot better.
So now onto a sad note, 2 babies have died today as they're not getting enough food from their mother and I think another will be gone by the morning. This has distressed me greatly and I feel terrible about it. That's 4 gone now and a likely 5th by tomorrow. The other 4 pups though look healthy and are starting to move around the cage a lot more. I feel terrible, like I could have done something differently for them to all still be here.
Again I do not like people who do drugs, my uncle wanted one of the hamsters for his daughter, but now thinking about it I don't think I will be. My uncle does weed when he has children, he doesn't treat his dog nicely, he'd go shooting and I don't feel he's good enough to look after MY babies! I'm feeling to keep all of them at the moment, I love them so <3
Another thing stressing me out is that Alex and I haven't spoken at all for a couple of days now, I don't know where he's been as he hasn't been online, he hasn't texted me and I have no clue as to what he's been doing. Even a few days before this we haven't spoken as much and it's really getting to me. I miss Alex!

10thAugust2012

It's the long days like this that I feel I just don't have enough energy to write a decent blog, and I'm absolutely right. I have been to the beach today and it was very enjoyable, family arguments were minimal, the majority of things I wanted were bought for me, it was a sunny day and I got to see family.

9thAugust2012

I've been into town today to get some work clothes, seen my best friend Lean, been over to Seans and given all my animals attention like I should do daily. I should really be getting to sleep early today as I've got an early morning to the beach tomorrow, I'm exited but sadly I'll be spending it with just my parents as most of my friends are busy :(

8thAugust2012

I've spent all of today chilling with my friend Sean, he's a free house so it's nice a relaxed without his family there. I get on with all of his family, but this just means I don't need to watch out for my use of language, my drinking or smoking which is nice. My friend Sean's easy to get on with, however is a little full of himself so that may make other people get irritated with him easily sadly. I like Sean though :)

7thAugust2012

I had an absolutely fantastic time today spent at the London Olympics 2012! They have really done well for themselves and there's not that much that I could fault. Obviously there's many things which they could have improved on, but that was expected. I saw the Synchronised Swimming Doubles; personally I thought Korea was the best however Russia came overall first. Before I went I thought that synchronised swimming is a little geeky, but really it's not and you have to have so much talent to be able to do anything at all impressive! The sport was really amazing and it really mesmerized me. The only thing I could complain about it though is that it should have gone on for longer. Mother and me spent the rest of the day at the Olympic Park and that was all rather enjoyable too other than the English weather of course. The atmosphere is really something, so many happy faces and all supporting their teams. This really was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm happy that I got to go!

 

6thAugust2012

I've had my first paid hour at Matalan today, however it was training rather than proper work. The training involved signing paperwork, going through bits of text and watching three basic videos of how you should behave and such in the workplace; this was spent along another 5 new employees which were all around the same age as me. I got along with all the other new staff and they all seemed easy to get along with, which I guess would be the reason they were hired. I am excited for working properly in Matalan, everyone working there is smiley, friendly and welcoming which leaves me feeling less nervous and okay to get help if I need any. I can already see my first workplace is going to be an enjoyable one.

Sunlight & Moonlight

Jasper

Webster

Nothing will every make me as happy as my animals do, that is a simple fact and it's most definitely always going to be the same. Other things may make me happier at one point in my life, however that would only a short period where as my animals never fail to make me happy. I think that I lose those people that I'm close to more than I lose animals. My first ever animal is my cat Jasper, who I still have to this day; in the past she really was not keen on me as I use to force her to do things she didn't want to do such as wear clothes and stay in my toy pram, however I've grown up now and realise when she's had enough. Jasper is much more relaxed with me now and in fact I do believe she appreciates me and loves me, our cuddles are quite amazing and she often sleeps on me while I'm asleep or lays on my bed with me. For my 5th birthday I got a rabbit and a guinea pig for my birthday, they both lived happily with each other. Sadly though I remember my rabbit Flip-Flop passing away when my mother was in hospital, and I have always blamed this on my dad for not looking after the rabbit properly. The rabbit was a mini-lop and I named it Flip-Flop as it always had one ear up and one ear down, it also use to push a football round the garden. The guinea pig lasted a couple more years than the rabbit, but sadly by itself

Rou

Tux

from what I can remember. It was called Nala, named after a character in The Lion King, she was a short haired breed and when she died I had my dad make up a wooden box so I could put her in it and bury her in my garden, I'm deeply upset to now know that they dug the box up, I feel it's a bit disrespectful. After that guinea pig I had two more, which were thought to both be the same sex, but that found to be an obvious mistake when there were babies in the cage one morning. To stop them from breeding again we separated them again and put the once grown babies separated equally in the parents enclosure, but then the father had offspring with it's own offspring, once again causing us to have lots of baby guinea pigs. I'm not too sure about all the details of the guinea pigs as I was young, however I know the parents were called Moonlight and Sunlight as one was black and the other white. For my 10th birthday I got Webster, who is my border collie male dog. We're very close with each other, love to cuddle each other and play fight too, in the end a dog is a man's best friend. He's a gorgeous dog, however very malty! He loves walks, cheese and attention, he hates baths, children and is scared or near enough everything. In 2009 I got a Syrian Hamster called Tux, he was a very bright and adventurous hamster. He was very friendly and rarely bit me at all, he even had the same birthday as me! I loved that hamster very much and I'd say that he was the animal I gave most attention to out of all the rodents. Sadly though, he died around 1 year and 8 months old [they live roughly up to 2 years], I hope this was to do with his age and it upsets me so much that I did not give him attention a couple of days leading up to his death as I had been broken up

Nibbler

Mini

with from a long term relationship with Alex. He was the first animal which I can ever remember me finding dead, it was really heart breaking and I am not looking forward to it happening again any time soon. Next was Rou, my chinchilla who I have now and had while Tux was alive too. He's a lovely pet to have and wish that chinchillas would get more popular, he never bites me, is very friendly and I can even get him to sit on my shoulder and behave. My last purchased additions were Mini and Nibbler, both Syrian hamsters that I love dearly. Mini the female is a little territorial, which means she's protective of her own space [her cage], she is a biter and has bit me lots of times considering I've not had her too long. She tends to be fine once she's out her cage though, however I do need to keep an eye on her though because she's a smart escape artist, and has even done so today. Nibbler on the other hand doesn't bite at all, he's a very gentle and graceful creature who often gets very sleepy and seems a little dopey. I love all of my animals and wouldn't want any harm to come to any of them <3

5thAugust2012

I've had a lovely day today spent with my friend Sean. His family are away at the moment on holiday, however he had to stay home to work and it meant that there was someone to take care of the animals too, they have a cat and dog who get on perfectly. I wish my Jasper and Webster had the relationship they have, it would be rather adorable and I'd like it very much if they got on together at least a little.
I've become addicted to a song called Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey, I wouldn't have thought her music would fir into my taste so much, however the only other song of hers I've heard I was in love with too. I suggest checking her out.
My plans for going to Newquay this summer are slowly falling apart. The starting plan was that myself, Nick, his cousin Luke and Luke's friends would all be going up there for a few nights, but sadly Luke's friends bailed leaving those two to find someone else to go without notifying me. Before Luke's friends said that they wouldn't go, it was going to be Nick in a room with me and Luke with his friends, which I was fine with. Nick then invited a girl he likes, who he is now dating and she's coming along. I expected Nick to tell me that I'd be in a room with his girlfriend Lauren, but instead he said that I'll be in a room with Luke and asked if that was okay. Being put on the spot the other day I said yes but in a way that he could see I was a little not okay with it. I've been thinking about it and text him today that I'd not be okay as I don't know Luke very much at all, I've only met him once and if it'd be easiest to just refund my money if there's no other solution. He said that I could bring a friend, but Sean's busy with work and I can't see Alex being up for it at all. Me being me will ask him, but only setting myself up for being shot down. I wish Alex would go with me, nights out drinking, beach time and an alone apartment with him would be very nice. I wish I got to spend more time with Alex <3

4thAugust2012

Well all the 8 babies are doing doing well today, and again their skin is getting thicker with more patches and hair growing along with them getting more distinct features. I am happy with how things are going at the moment, but there's not going to be any set happiness until I'm either back with Alex or in another relationship where I can actually think about this new person more than I do Alex. I want to stop doing stupid shit with Alex, but then I'd rather do stupid shit with him than have nothing. I'm quite sleepy tonight as I woke up earlier than I usually would do because I had a driving lesson from 10 - 12. It was an enjoyable lesson, and I do feel I'm getting better as I go. I'm very proud of my achievements in the last week, and hope that there'll be very many more in the future. My mum has high hopes for me, her dream job for me would be that my cousin Aleesha and me create our own business which is taking professionally photos of animals. It could work out if we had enough money to start off with, because we both most definitely have the passion and dedication! I was thinking about it deeply in the shower earlier, I really wouldn't mind that job at all. I love taking photos, however I'm no way professional standard and haven't even done any photo or media classes. My cousin however has done journalism and photography, and I have done animal education so it would be a really good match. My cousin lives in America, however was born here and would like to move back in the near future. I love my dream job :)