7thJuly2012

I'm feeling very close to how I was last night,sad that so many friends have been so willing to leave me behind, and again JR in particular. The whole situation of what happened with us really plays on my mind once I have him in my head for a few minutes. I even had a dream with him in it last night because I was thinking about him just before I slept and he's been really on my mind, in the dream we didn't speak, we were just closely by each other as we were hanging out with the same few people. I really do wish things ended up differently with him, I may have quite possibly never given up trying to get him back if he didn't have a girlfriend, as then it was just awkward and I could imagine she would take the complete wrong impression.
The Wombats are one thing that nearly always manage to bring me back up though, so I listen to them continuously thoughout all my days depending on how I'm feeling. They are my favourite band, have been for a year now, I've seen them twice; once at a festival and once at their own gig, my favourite song of theirs if Lets Dance To Joy Division, however that's their most known song, and what made them famous really. I love all their songs, but those that stand out for me are: Dear Hamburg, We Don't Mean That Much, IOU's, I'm A Robot Like You, Happily Screwed, Reynold's Park, Avalanche, Trampolining, The Barman's Fault, My Circuitboard City and Guillotine. All those songs listed are their less known songs though, of course I love all the songs which were famously on their CD's too. My first time seeing them at T4otb '11 was amazing, as the sun was blazing down and I was mainly enjoying it with Alex, as the rest weren't too aware of who they were. They only played 4 songs, but it was the best few moments of quite possibly my life. So careless of who's listening or watching you, completely carefree and happy. They played Tokyo [Vampires & Wolves], Jump Into The Fog, Techno Fan and Lets Dance To Joy Division. The whole crowd went absolutely crazy, and it was the best atmosphere I have ever been with. I definitely want to live it again! Sadly they were't at the festival this year, and I'm too poor to see any they're playing at this summer because they're all too far away or difficult to get to. Ahh I love The Wombats!
I'm quite angry at Alex at the moment, I just really can't handle the whole him taking drugs thing. Alex said 'Hello beautiful' to me on facebook chat, but angry with him so I left without replying. He rang me a while after, but again I ignored it, and a little bit after that he rang again [just now]. I picked up the second time and tried to sound like everything was okay, but slowly I got myself more upset and spoke less words so it was less obvious how upset I was and that I was crying. I managed to hold it in well enough while on the phone, but it was only a short conversation as he had to go. I don't even know what's wrong with my, I'm feeling so down lately for no reason whatsoever. I can only assume though that it's many things put together that's getting me down. I really have not been coping with Alex taking drugs, JR has been brought up again and college is over with and I'm doing the same thing of nothing daily. I'm feeling quite lonely, but I don't feel there's anyone I can talk to who I would feel comfortable with or can help.