5thJuly2012

Saying I hate my dad is such an understatement. He honestly lives to make other peoples lives hell. He's such a horrible hearted person and doesn't care who he hurts through his life. He hasn't angered me tonight, just annoyed with his usual comments in attempt to put me down. I've dealt with bullying in my past, through the last years of primary school and all of secondary school. In a conversation about bullying the other day I was having with a friend they asked if I had ever been bullied, to which I replied yes. Mother was sitting in the same room and said you haven't have you?! I brushed it off and avoided giving her a serious answer back. I think she must have been pretty clueless to not know I was bullied, but maybe she classes being bullied differently to me. It was all verbal bullying that I had, and thankfully no physical. I think all the people at my secondary school were too pussy and fucking retarded to actually physically bully me, I may well have gone mental at them. Verbal bullying definitely isn't as bad in ways, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me', of course that's absolute bullshit, words most definitely can hurt you, but in a much different way. I wouldn't say anyone bullies me now other than my dad, and even then he doesn't realise how much of a prick he's being or what it does to my self confidence. I will be a much happier person once I'm out this house and don't have to see him everyday with his continuous negativity towards me. Things are far different at college, I haven't been bullied once there and in general most people are nice and know how to act with people and in public. All that's happened there is my friends saying comments, but in a way that all friends do and mean them jokily, which I do back and we're all absolutely fine with. I have actually been a bully towards people before, which now looking back is really fucking disgusting and I hate myself because of it. I think the reason was because it made me feel better in my own body because I was 'higher' than the other person, but that is completely sick in the head and I don't wish to be like that ever again. People say don't hold grudges, but I don't see any reason why not to, you wouldn't get much out of accepting them as a person because the likeliness is they haven't changed one bit and they still wouldn't regret their past decisions. People these days are not accepting enough, it would be much easier if we were all blind and couldn't judge people by what they look like in this respect, obviously literally it wouldn't be easier because most of us would die by walking off a cliff or something stupid.