18thJune2012

I've been so stressed out lately and I don't know why. It could be because of the guy I like has been taking drugs more regular than I find even a little bit okay, or that the same guy I like is continuing on the relationship we use to have and still I want more, it could be because my dad has been doing drugs and drinking more, thus making him more of a prick towards me, or because the end of college is soon approaching and there's still so much work I need to be doing for it, or even because I'm slowly getting more addicted to cigarettes and my money is quickly disappearing because of it and because I've turned 18 and have been out drinking more.
I never help myself in situations like this, and they end up getting so bad that I give up hope and hit a low streak. I guess though this is just the pains of getting older, and a lot of people have to go through situations like this. There are many solutions to my problems, but I'm the kind of person that will always be able to find another problem with my life, no matter how positive I try to be and show.
I've always been quite a tired person, yet never seem to learn that I do need to get to sleep earlier otherwise I'll end up like this. I should go to the doctors too, I have hope that they'll be able to help me however I'm scared of going encase they find something wrong with my mental brain, and then it would be official.
I think disorders are scary and if I ever found out that I had one it would send me even crazier and have more of a panic. I often think I have mental problems, but this is not something I'm willing to find out, or let people who properly know me find out about. I want help, but I'm too scared to seek for it.
Maybe one day I'll learn for all of this, but maybe not.