30thJune2012

In just a few minutes I'll be able to eat dairy again, I've ordered myself a pizza and I'm very excited to be able to have toffee popcorn in just a little while. We're going out for dinner tomorrow night too for passing my course, to The Harvester where I'll probably have pasta with spinach inside.
I have quite a disliking for my dad, he always makes me feel so worthless.

29thJune2012

Well I'm writing this in the morning after as I was out drinking again last night. My day didn't consist of much at all, I literally did nothing other than in bed with the laptop. I went out drinking with my friend Nick and his cousin Luke, which was the first time I had met him and needed to as I'll be going away for a few days with them in August to Newquay. I got along with Luke however feel it could have been better, still no problem with how we were though and I'm sure I'll be able to last a few days with him. I had two cans of Strongbow before I left my house, and two pints of it while at the pub, which would have all been fine on my stomach if I didn't get home and have the munchies for Weetabix. I was on the phone to Alex last night, as he asked me for a call, the call didn't last too long as I had to quickly hang up to throw up, but once it was out I was all fine and my stomach was much better. I phoned him again after and we talked for a good while, which included some phone sex. I don't think there's anything wrong with phone sex, but it should be restricted for people that you genuinely like just as real sex should be. Sadly I was a little drunk while on the phone, so I can't remember a great deal of it. Alex is very kind to me at times :)

28thJune2012

I have successfully secured my merit for the course I have been doing for two years at college. I am very proud of myself and am so happy at much I have grown in two years. Throughout all of secondary school I worried about what other people thought of me far too much, and had to deal with bullying while at the school for five years. My confidence has grown a hell of a lot bigger and I accept myself as a decent person now whereas before I felt shitty nearly every day. In my classes at secondary school I had barely any friends, and would be picked on by a good portion of the class, I use to sit there be quiet and not stand up for myself. There's no way I would let something slip at all, I am happier like this, however at times I do get a lot more angry than I should instead of staying calm. I use to be scared every day of what people would think of me, but really now why should I care?! I have changed for the better over the past two years.
As I will be receiving a merit for my course this enables me to do the level 5 course at the college, which was my main focus rather than being a bum until I get hired. I had either this choice or Nottingham Trent Uiversity which only required a pass to get in, however I did not check out the university and now most of the accommodation has now been taken. These are the kind of things I need to improve on, ensuring I get things done on time rather than leaving them to the last minute. I need to get more on track of myself, set myself goals and limits. I take my life for granted far too much, but then again who doesn't.
Blogger is being crap with the back ground colours for some reason -.-

27thJune2012

I've just had a nice phone call with someone who I love, a 43.55 minute one to be precise. I enjoy phone calls with him very much, and they've been very regular since we have broken up, I think it's got a lot to blame to how we've stayed so close to each other after a year and four months. It seems strange saying a year and four months now, seems like ages I was calling it a year and three months. Time goes quickly, seems only a little while ago we were dating, oh how I miss those days.

He apologised about him seeming off with me today, however I didn't notice that at all and continued to ask why until he was willing to tell me. We have a special thing together where we like times which have the same numbers or whatever, such as 22.22 [our favourite], 12.34, 3.33 and so on, also 1.16 as this is the time that we officially started dating. I had a conversation with a friend over facebook which mentioned that I wake up at 06.06 so I can see the time and that I woke at 11.10 and got to see 11.11 today, which Alex got a little feeling sorry for himself over and felt like this was our thing which he was sharing with other people. I cleared this up though telling him this was just a conversation about it, not that I send anyone else the time and he was then fine with it, which is the truth by the way.

Our phone conversations are usually nice, we tend to be more caring and loving on the phone rather than typing conversations which I like. I especially like ending my night in a call with him, however that only happens every few days as he's not into conversations as much as me and I like to give him a break, often thinking I pester him too much. All is well though, we both enjoy and love our phone calls.

My day doesn't consist of anything that interesting particularly, I've just been at home for most of the day and cleaning out my two hamsters, chinchilla and the fish along with all the rooms which I made a mess of. There was one panic through my day though, when I had my hamster Mini running in her ball upstairs while I was downstairs watching the telly. I was going to check up on her after 30 minutes, but forgot for another 15 and when I got upstairs the ball had opened and Mini was no where to be seen. I instantly panicked and checked all the upstairs rooms even though the doors were closed, as she could have gotten under some of them with little struggle, still no sight of her. Back downstairs I went with moral support from Webster my dog, again nothing. I turned off the telly and took the clock batteries out so I could have silence, a few minutes passed and still nothing. The main thing that panicked me was that the back door was open, which she could have quite easily gotten out of to ran away and never be seen again. I sat on the floor in misery, thinking what a bad owner I am and how Mini would be out in the wild. I heard a few foot steps, but then thought I was just hearing things once it stopped for a good while. My old hamster Tux use to go under the cupboard when he accidentally got out of the ball, so I pulled the bottom out so I could see slightly under. There was pure silence and I still hadn't found Mini, a few minutes passed while I was sat on the floor and I heard the footsteps again, it was Mini coming out from under the cupboard! I was so happy once I had found her and rushed her strait to her cage, where she is now safe. I will most definitely be making sure my hamsters are in the ball secure in the future, don't want that panic of losing an animal carelessly ever again!

26thJune2012

WE FUCKING HUGGED! Seriously so much excitement from today, I'm still smiling over something which happened many hours ago. Okay lets explain properly now, I've talked about the story before but will have a little bit of a catch up. There's a guy from college who I think is very attractive, they've got the blonde hair and the blue eyes I like. I took notice of him at the start of this year, but at first wasn't doing anything more than a harmless bit of facebook stalking and drooling every time I saw him around at college. What made me first notice him was his hair, as it was not only blonde but had a black dyed fringe which looked very nice. On March the 23rd we both went to a gig to see Modestep which was in my home town,  I was aware he'd be there because of the facebook stalking and was preparing myself up to say hello to him. We didn't talk at all that night, however I noticed he knew a girl I know and then proceeded to have a long walk home. I was still intoxicated when I got home, so added him on Facebook which I was a little embarrassed about, he accepted and we got talking for a bit on there. The conversation died down after about a week, and we talked face to face a couple of times but nothing more than that really, and any conversations on facebook afterwards seemed a little difficult as he didn't seem too interested in talking to me. The last time we made eye contact was when we were walking past each other, he smiled and said hello but me being very nervous smiled and waved back, then carried on my way. I've been a little shaky and very nervous when I've talked to him face to face before, mucking up my words and looking a little bit silly so it was best to keep our conversations to a minimum. The last time we had any interaction was around two months ago, so I was thinking lately that I should really forget about him, especially as the summer holidays are just coming around.

I hadn't seen him for a good month now, as I was taking quite a few days off college for good* enough reasons, and was very much hopeful that I'll see him today and on Thursday too, which are the only two days we're at college together. As I sat down on a computer a guy was being an absolute dick to show off in front of his friends, he kept chucking things at me and messing around with the chair that I sat on. I went a little crazy at him a few times and it didn't take me long to get raging. My friend Rhys had just walked onto the floor so I went over to go see him, as well because I saw Iain was right next to him and they were in a conversation together. I squeezed Rhys and said hello to Iain with a big smile on my face, he gave a big smile back, said hello and grabbed me closer so we could hug. The hug was a little awkward, simply because he was sitting down and I was standing up. We were really getting into conversation and sat next to each other, there were very many hugs involved and hand holding. His friend wanted to get a drink so invited me to come along with the two of them, but instead the two of us went for a cigarette break while his friend disappeared, which I most definitely didn't mind at all! It was just the two of us outside under the cover, which sent my heart racing and my body a little shaky. 

He even called me "his Amy", so I felt comfortable enough to call him "my Iain", which felt really fucking awesome. This would have all been very forward and awkward if I didn't like him as more than a friend, but luckily I do and appreciated every second of it. Sadly the conversation came to an end when a girl called his name and they started a little conversation, so I moved over a little to sit with friends and after another while moved to the other side of the row to where I originally was. I feel bad now for not hugging him and saying bye or talk to you in a bit, but I can make up for that next time and hopefully he didn't take too much offence.

I feel like such a little girl here, such wild emotions and very easily excited by someone I really like. It's really fucking incredible how easy it is to get use to him, I feel we'll most definitely have to talk a lot more soon!

BLOGGER IS BEING STUPID AND IT'S ANNOYING ME =| Sort it out blogger team! :(

I've had a friend talk to me today about Iain, which was quite obviously brought up by me. My friend Rhys is known to tell lies, often and big ones! I'd say the worst thing that he's lied about is having another brother and him dying, which is most definitely not true, and if he's willing to lie about this to get sympathy votes from me, there's not really much of a chance I'm going to trust him. As soon as I mentioned Iain he lead it onto the two of us dating, which I wasn't thinking of at all but was willing to have a conversation about it. He said that Iain was not trust worthy with girls, but really avoided his main point to how he is bad with relationships. Rhys did say however that Iain proposed to a girl after very soon and had sex with another ones sisters, the second I don't believe but the first may well be true, he's a year younger than me and about 3 years maturity under me. I do like Iain, a lot but I barely know him, today has been far too strange.

25thJune2012

Today hasn't been one of my worst, I got a decent amount of coursework done at college and no one managed to piss me off other than the computers and networking being a little crappy. I haven't done that much in the day, and nothing much has gone through my mind. I'm slowly getting  more and more addicted to cigarettes though, I really need to limit myself a lot better. I'll leave that on the end note, good night (:

24thJune2012

I feel like such a mug, such a fool with willing to do anything he wants me to do or act how he wants me to. He has me so badly wrapped around his little finger, and I reckon he knows it even if he tries to keep it from me. He's not as innocent as he's letting on, but I'm far too deep in love to see anything past that cute little face of his. While on the phone to me last night he asked if he could see me today, and invited me around his house. Of course I said yes, and would have dropped any plans for him. I don't know why he asked to see me today, but I'm happy he did. We're going to be okay, I hope

23rdJune2012

I'm feeling quite lonely at the moment when it comes to my love life, I just want to be with him. I would do nearly anything to have him back, for him to love me like he use to and feel about me the same way I feel towards him. Unfortunately things will never be the same, which upsets me greatly. There have been many times when I've thought things would get better, and we would get back together but of course they haven't and I can't imagine they ever will be. I have never wanted anybody so much in my life, and I don't think I'll love anybody as much as I have and do him. He cares about me, he is here for me and we've kept the friendship which is as much as I should really be asking for, but I can't help but want more. Even though he does stupid things which I hate, he is perfect to me. I just want what we once had.

22ndJune2012

I've bee drinking tonight, so apologies for the shitness of the blog. I love music, it is my life! You can check out my music profile at http://www.last.fm/user/Webstermad
I'm hating Alex for doing drugs so much, I don't want to speak to him over the summer.. Or at all every again

21stJune2012

I've gone vegan for the past 21 days no and there seems to be no change in my weight in the slightest, I need something far stricter as I can't trust myself to limit my food intake. I eat small nibbles all the time, and don't have much restraint and control over this. I don't think I would mind going fruitarian for a little while, which is if you haven't guessed, just eating fruits and apparently seeds and nuts too. I'll have to be researching into it a little too, but there's not much to understand and get confused over. This would also require me to drink only water, which is the thing I can imagine I would struggle with. I refuse to drink water unless I'm dying of thirst and that's the only option.
I'm going to a photo-shoot on the 13th that I can and will be taking my animals to, it's my first photo-shoot and I know I'll be quite nervous however I'll feel much better that they'll all be there. I'm not decided on whether I'll be taking the hamsters yet, but it'd be nice. Jasper I've had all my life, Webster I've had half my life and Rou will be with me for another 12 years so they'll all be definitely coming with me, but hamsters only last two years, and I think it'll be sad to have proper professional photos of them when I've only recently got them and I had a hamster called Tux before, who I miss dearly. I am excited for it though, hopefully everything will go as planned and it'll be amazing <3

20thJune2012

I've been reading up on a story of Lake Superior Zoo today, which is about it flooding and several animals being drowned and a few escaping. The happenings made me upset and a little angry, I can't help but feel like they could have done more to save the poor animals. Two seals and a polar bear escaped, the two seals down the public street and the polar bear just outside of it's enclosure, which then had to be shot to make it unconscious but no harm came to it apparently. I don't understand why they couldn't relocate those animals which were in danger before the harm came to them, but I guess it was a difficult night and 'they did as much as they possibly could', however evidentially that was not enough.
I'm very dedicated to animals, and am willing to do just anything reasonable to give them the recognition that they deserve, rather than just being seen as something to put on a plate and see in a zoo. Far too many animals are being tortured in the world of today, and this is done mostly for humans benefit. I'm happy that there's people out there who share the same opinion as me, and realise that it's not okay to eat animals just because we are able to. I feel as if animals are weak in the food chain in comparison to people, just like disabled people are to those without disabilities. We wouldn't take advantage of disabled people, children or the elderly just because they aren't as strong or as smart as us, so why should we with animals. It is disgusting to me, and I accept cannibalism a lot more than I do animals as they're vulnerable where as people do many bad things in their life and make others suffer.
I would love to bring back the death penalty, there are so many advantages of this and I can imagine it would gain our country a lot of money too, however I'm sure those in charge and the public would go crazy. Those which cause serious pain to others should not be allowed to survive or live even a little bit of a decent life once they have been caught, far too many people get away with too much these days.

19thJune2012

Instead of attempting to get the general stress away from me today, I just forgot about it and instead made it worse by doing so. My coursework won't be getting any longer or harder, however I am giving myself less and less time for it. After yesterday I felt like I just needed to relax and not care about the things going on around me, but of course this couldn't last too long.
I don't actually think me and my dad can go a day without arguing, however I don't blame myself for this at all. If he simply didn't speak to me at all, I would be much happier with my life. He always puts me down and makes me feel shit about myself, and he always has done from many years ago, however he's getting worse. I wish things were different.

18thJune2012

I've been so stressed out lately and I don't know why. It could be because of the guy I like has been taking drugs more regular than I find even a little bit okay, or that the same guy I like is continuing on the relationship we use to have and still I want more, it could be because my dad has been doing drugs and drinking more, thus making him more of a prick towards me, or because the end of college is soon approaching and there's still so much work I need to be doing for it, or even because I'm slowly getting more addicted to cigarettes and my money is quickly disappearing because of it and because I've turned 18 and have been out drinking more.
I never help myself in situations like this, and they end up getting so bad that I give up hope and hit a low streak. I guess though this is just the pains of getting older, and a lot of people have to go through situations like this. There are many solutions to my problems, but I'm the kind of person that will always be able to find another problem with my life, no matter how positive I try to be and show.
I've always been quite a tired person, yet never seem to learn that I do need to get to sleep earlier otherwise I'll end up like this. I should go to the doctors too, I have hope that they'll be able to help me however I'm scared of going encase they find something wrong with my mental brain, and then it would be official.
I think disorders are scary and if I ever found out that I had one it would send me even crazier and have more of a panic. I often think I have mental problems, but this is not something I'm willing to find out, or let people who properly know me find out about. I want help, but I'm too scared to seek for it.
Maybe one day I'll learn for all of this, but maybe not.

17thJune2012

I've been really angry again lately, for no particular reason, but possibly for several smaller reasons. Even though he causes me so much pain, I would like to get back together with him. How we behave with each other kills me really, but I'll take as much as I can get. I really badly need to talk to him about this, but again I'm going through the mood where I don't want to ask to see him, instead I want him to ask to meet up with me. This stresses me out so much, and it's on a low point once again :(

16thJune2012

Okay I'm not too surprised but not all of last nights plans happened. We went into Windsor drinking and clubbing and still had a great time. I'm not feeling too ill now, just very much feeling for more sleep!

15thJune2012

So tonight is the night I'm supposed to be doing ecstasy, and I'm really fucking shitting it right now. I've looked at websites for tips on how to stay cool and not die and such. Of course drinking lots of water is an obvious thing, but not too much should be drank otherwise you can flood your brain and die or something. Ahh I hope tonight goes well, again wish me luck please :(

14thJune2012

Losing a close one is a hard thing to go through, and a close one of mine has been going through the struggles of this today. He seems to be coping with this very well, and I hope he continues to do so. I will be worrying about him today, but I have faith in him to stay strong and get through it.
This time tomorrow night I will quite possibly be getting high for the very first time, from ecstasy. I don't particularly want to do it however because one of my closest friends who I care about dearly has done it recently, I want to have the feel of it too. I haven't told him about this, or his influences and I don't want to however when I've been drinking this is when I bring out silly statements like this. Wish me well, I won't be coping with it after very well at all I'm sure, and will regret my decisions forever more. I will be talking to the close friend tomorrow in the day sometime hopefully and ask him about his experience with it. Well goodnight now, I better get some sleep for my long day tomorrow.

13thJune2012

I dreamt that Alex asked me to be his girlfriend last night, he did this through text and I was so happy about it but a little worried that it wouldn't work out and wanted him to be sure that's what he really wanted. I thought about this as I woke, and looked through my phone in hope there was a text from him but of course nothing. I think what set me off dreaming of him last night was that he sent a sweet good night text to me, without me being sweet first at all. I did enjoy the dream, but I would rather it wasn't so amazing leaving me in reality feeling rubbish and wanting more.
Thinking back to how Chris was with me before 2012 fills me with happiness, even if I wasn't happy at the time and everything was going completely wrong. He was so into me for so long, I truly did enjoy the company from him. Things would have been so different if Alex wasn't around at the time and I didn't still like him, but there's nothing I can do about that. When talking to Chris recently about it he said that he didn't love me, I want to agree with him but really I think he did, just possibly thinks he didn't because he loved someone after me but his love for her was stronger and happened a lot quicker as she liked him back.
I want to be able to have chances with the guy who next likes me like Chris did, but I feel Alex will still get in the way of me liking them back, which he tends to do very well. It's been far too long for me now and I would really like to be able to call someone my own. Obviously things with Alex are staying the same, no matter how hopeful I get, everything stays the same and I'm just filling myself with false hope. I want a boyfriend! However I am a very picky person and most definitely have a type, I could be lenient with this though I guess.
Right now I can only think of one person who likes me [or at least I assume he does], my friend Nick who I knew when I was little and have only been back in contact with for the past half a year. He's always messaging me and it just comes across as if he does like me because how he talks to me. I'll hopefully be getting someone to ask him while he's been drinking whether he likes me or not, it's always nice to know someone finds you attractive but would rather spare the awkwardness of him knowing I know.
I got waxed again for the third time, I get my legs and underarms done and I'd say it's well worth it. It makes the hair thinner again which is useful if you'd want to go back to shaving again and the hair stays away for a good amount of time, so no worrying about having time to shave. I'd say the most painful part is getting the hot wax put onto your skin, however that's just me being silly and not telling the woman who does it, instead burning me a little and causing my legs to have little spasms. The ripping off the hair part doesn't hurt so much, getting my eyebrows threaded hurts more I'd say as my eyes always water, however that may well be because they're both on my face and the nerves are closer or something. I definitely suggest it to anyone that's thinking about it! I would love to get laser treatment done, which permanently gets rid of the hair however is quite expensive and can be a little risky depending on how sensitive your skin is.
It's a little different to the last topic, however I will relate breast enlargement to it. I use to think I wanted this a couple of years ago as I was a bit self concious of how big everyone else's breasts seemed in comparison to mine, however being in a relationship with Alex made me over come this paranoia [even if it is true]. My breasts in my opinion are on the smaller scale, however I am comfortable with them for now. Fair enough my opinions may change in a few years, but I'm thankful for Alex giving me the confidence in myself.
We all need someone there for us to keep up happy, I'm happy I have him <3

12thJune2012

Okay so hopefully this time I can stay focused enough to tell you about my Friday night, from nearly two weeks go now. The plan was to get Alex over and talk about him doing ecstasy, and not get too mental over it however of course that didn't happen. If I keep myself from looking at his face or into his eyes I can usually hold back my feelings towards him, however of course his smell, his voice and his touch don't like to help me out at all. He sensed something was wrong right from the start, as I kept quickly rushing away from him because of lame excuses. To keep him from asking questions I got close to him, kissed him and smiled, he could definitely see through this but decided to leave it at that. The night was going really well, but of course I was drinking too much which soon brought me to the conversation of him doing ecstasy. I sneakily brought it up by mentioning my dad doing drugs, then told him how I wasn't happy with him doing weed, this was followed up with the question of 'have you done any other drugs?' My heart was racing and I started to panic, but hopefully managed to cover this up enough for him to answer me back and telling me the complete truth about him doing ecstasy, which I'm very glad about. I was quite drunk by this point so my memory is a little foggy, but I kept on drinking in attempt to ease the emotions. I burst into tears as soon as he told me, went straight for a cigarette and phoned my friend Sean to see if he was in and would come out to see me. Sean said he could meet me at the park and was with a few other people, so I accepted and got ready as quick as possible. I told Alex I was going to the park too if he liked, so he followed closely behind me saying nothing at all. We were both sat in silence next to each other on the swings for the next five minutes once we got there, until finally Sean got there, I ran straight towards him still crying. I had already told him of my plans for the night, so he knew to expect it. We talked a little and I got lots of comforting from him until I cheered a little bit and played around the park in the dark with our friends. Alex was still sat on the swing, looking pretty sorry for himself but I made him get up, he didn't socialise with the rest of them at all while I was there, but apparently did a little later. A friend passed me at the park and said that he was going to the pub to see another friend, so I said goodbye to the others [including Alex], and had a couple of drinks in the pub with them for a couple of hours before going back home to Alex. He left the park nearly straight away, after finding my headphones which I dropped. I came back home with the two that I went to the pub to, Alex knows of both of them however they all seem to dislike each other simply from judging them. After a while the two friends left then Alex and me sat together for a while then made it upstairs to my bed. we didn't talk about it properly afterwards from what I remember, but I do know that I told him that I already knew and if he did lie to me I probably would haven't talked to him ever again. I also told him that I loved him that night and that I still want to get back together with him, to which he replied 'talk to me about it another time Amy' in a sincere voice. We went to sleep and everything was fine and pretend happy in the morning. I got to keep his teddies Stigg and Steffy once again and then he left for Wales which he was at for one week.
I haven't forgiven him for taking ecstasy, however understand he didn't tell me in the first place to keep me safe and told me when I asked him because he's truthful to me, I'm very grateful for this. I do wish he would see how much pain it causes me knowing he takes drugs and stop, but really and truthfully he does not care about my feelings enough now to keep him from 'having fun and enjoying himself'.
I would really love to get back together with him, however everything would be so wrong. We've both changed so much and I don't think we properly suit each other any more. I wish things were how they use to be.

11thJune2012

Today didn't go too badly, however still college was terrible as all the computers were down [have been broken now for a good 3/4 weeks] so a friend and me decided to go home instead and do some coursework. I'm feeling in a shit mood at the moment as I know tomorrow will probably be just as bad, with not very beneficial lessons as the computers are down and all the free hours spent doing nothing. Luckily for me I'm easily amused, however also easily stressed so I'm not being too hopeful about tomorrow. I'm quite sleepy tonight too as it was the first day back at college, have gotten un-used to the early mornings and long days of college, so I'll end this one here.. Goodnight.

10thJune2012

I have been seriously stressed out lately, mainly with the whole drugs thing getting me off task from the things which I should be doing such as coursework and sorting out myself for next year, which now I'm having to settle for the college again [that is if I get the grades I need].
I'm planning to be an absolute hypocrite with the Alex taking ecstasy next Friday by doing it myself, I first thought this would be a good idea sometime last week when I was with Sean drinking, so we planned it slightly and he got back to me the next day saying he knew where to get it from and when to take it. At this exact moment I'm worrying a little about it, and know that really I don't want to do it and it's not me at all, but I feel I may be more okay with Alex if I do as I have done it myself.
I look down on everyone who does drugs even once, so I'm sure this isn't the right thing to be doing and I'll look down on myself a hell of a lot more. I'm really scared, I wish Alex had never taken it.

9thJune2012

Last nights plans were to go over to a friends house, however Vic changed this and we all ended up drinking on the way to the pub and then stayed there for most of the night. Overall I had 3 Strongbow cans, 2 mouthfuls of vodka and a snakebite. It's safe to say I was drunk however managed to support myself enough on a walk home with Sean who was a very good friend to me and ensured I was safe at all times. As per usual I was sick once I got home and was a little hungover.
Alex came back from Wales today, however I have a feeling that it'll be another two weeks until I see him as he won't ask to see me in the weekdays, and I'm planning to go out next Friday and Saturday. He's never too bothered with meeting up with me, however tat is just the kind of person he's like with everyone and I get less offended nowadays. I haven't particularly been missing him this week while he's been gone, it's been a quick week and I still don't feel like I really need to see him. I think I may still be off with him because of last Friday, which I still need to talk about!
He has changed a lot, and I don't like it at all. I truly do like the old him, and do have a dislike for the person who he has become. I don't feel like I really know him any more as he keeps the truth from me, rather than lying which I do appreciate. Sadly however, I love him <3

8thJune2012

I'm back from Chris' now and I had a good time, until I got irritated over a little pathetic thing in the late morning. I got to his just after 9, I said hello to him mum and the rabbits then we went and chilled in his room before Big Brother started at 10, which I told him I would want to watch until 12. For those two hours there were many silent moments, but simply because we were watching something and when the advert came on he would always come over to me and we'd have fun annoying each other in a friendly way. We then went back into his room, joked around for a bit more and then fell asleep with me in him bed and him on a sofa bed thing in a sleeping bag. He kept jumping in bed with me in the morning, then getting back out again onto the floor again for some reason. He told me sometime in the night he's given up properly caring about girls and instead is going to be a man whore instead as it's much easier, while saying this he had the front of his body pressed up closely to the back of my body with a hard on, I was not impressed at all and kept moving away every time he tried something on. In the morning I woke up at around 10, then spent some time with his mother and the rabbits, all while Chris laid in bed and stayed asleep. We spent just over two hours together in the morning / afternoon as I had a driving lesson which started at 1. My driving instructor picked me up from Chris' house and we drove around for a good while, the two hours passed really quickly! We practiced turn in the road and reversing round a bend, both went pretty well and relaxed until there's other cars around me and then I start to rush things and panic. Afterwards I've been chilling at home in bed for a long while, however now need to start to get ready for going over to a friends house who lives down the road for some drinks, it should be a good night all getting together again ^.^

7thJune2012

I've had a very lazy so far today, I have only got out of bed when I really need to go to the toilet and to get food from downstairs. I may well be the laziest kid ever! It's now 7 and I still haven't got out of bed properly since waking up at 11. This will change soon though as I'm staying at Chris' tonight, I have no doubt that it won't go well, but wish me luck :)

6thJune2012

I definitely love South Park, it's so offensive and it's amazing. They always take everything too far, but that's what is best about it. I enjoy waking up in the morning and having no one else in the house, or parents not here at least. Of course I would much rather Alex was in my bed, but that's not something I get as often as I would like. I have some serious thoughts about the both of us getting back together, however I'm far too tired to go through it all now. I've been out today, into town and around where I live with friends, my legs hurt a little. Ahhhhhh night night <3

5thJune2012

I'm an absolute failure when it comes to getting my blog up to date once I've missed a day, I can't believe I haven't even talked about Friday night yet and I still won't be tonight! I woke around 11 tonight, after going out last night and being on the phone to someone I met on the internet until 2 in the morning, it was all clean chat as I have to get to know them decently before they even get my number. I've been very lazy today, as per usual but more excited as Big Brother has started again for the summer which I always get far too addicted to. It was quite good, however my telly is absolute shit and couldn't really understand much of it along with being extremely angry as my dad is a complete asshole. He honestly doesn't care or like me at all, and I'm sure I will stick to this for many more years to come.
While I was in the pub last night I got a nice surprise phone call from Alex, it was lovely however short. It's the little things like that which keep me hopeful about the both of us, I would really love to get back together with him <3

4thJune2012

I'm far too drunk tight now to wirite anything, goodnight x

3rdJune2012

Eventually I will give myself what I deserve. I've been drinking tonight and am quite tired. To ensure a decent blog gets done tomorrow I will hopefully start it in the day time, and then finish it up in the evening. I've had a reasonably decent weekend, just wish things were better between the both of us of course, goodnight <3

2ndJune2012

I'm so tired right now that I would just like a cigarette then go straight to sleep, so this will be a short one and I'll properly talk about my happenings tomorrow. Today I woke up with Alex, he left at 11, I lazed around home for many hours, got into the shower, family came over, friends came over; Peacock, Chris, Seanie, Lui and Shanice [who's my cousin too].
I like fishes faces, it depends on the species but most of them appear to be smiling, I think it's pretty adorable!

1stJune2012

Today's the day, I can't see it going well at all however drink is here to hopefully help that! I'm feeling nervous now, however hopefully I'll get into a happy mood while I'm getting ready to see him. I'm pretty certian he's going to be here around 9 rather than 8, which is what he planned. It's now 7.30 and I've only just got in the shower, so I do hope that he'll be late and I can drink much more. I love him, but don't feel I'll be able to ever forgive him for this. After 1 year and 3 months broken up, someone should most definitely be over the other, however we've pretty much carried on our relationship so how the fuck am I meant to get over that?! When I first found out about him doing ecstasy I felt like I wouldn't ever want to date him again, but lets not lie now there will most probably always be a space in my heart for him <3