30thSeptember2012

After work yesterday I stupidly offered to work more hours for today, which left me with working from 9 - 6.30, it was a very long day but somewhat enjoyable as I can’t wait to find the bonus money in my bank. Money excites me greatly, however I’m afraid once I have it I’ll just sped it for the sake of spending money. I seriously need to work on saving my money, possibly an automatic transfer of £20 a week into a savings account to get my savings up and spending down. I got picked up by my cousin Shanice, went to Tesco for a cigarette pick up, and then enjoyed the rest of the evening with my family. 

29thSeptember2012

After a long night out the day before I wasn’t feeling for work too much, however it wasn’t all that bad, just an extra 30 minutes having to work as it had once again been an extremely busy day. I didn't do much once I got back from work, just relaxed and enjoyed my bed.

28thSeptember2012

I slept in until 1 today, to the fact that I was hung-over, knackered and was mainly trying to avoid Scott. I told him last night not to wake me up, so I didn’t have to worry about that but I was in hope that he would have left by the time I woke up. When I got out of bed he came to see me straight away, asked if I had thought anymore on last night’s conversations and if I had talked to Alex about it yet. He’s far too into me for my liking, it’s making me want to push him away and be done with it. I much preferred the days where you could tell someone no and they would fuck off and get it into their head that nothing serious was going to happen. Alex doesn’t know anything about Scott and me, so I don’t have to worry about that yet coming in-between the both of us. Scott finally left at around 3, when my mum dropped him to college and we said goodbye. Straight after that mum and me headed into London to go see Alicia Keys that I won through the iTunes Festival. There’s not much to say about the train journey there, we talked a little but I mainly listened to The Wombats and sat observing around me. At one stop I was looking at the people at the station, and saw a friend of mine who I rarely get to see; Seb. I phoned him up and asked how his train journey was, it was really amazing that we were both on the same train but didn’t come across each other, it really brightened up my afternoon and got me more excited for the evening. The event was held at Roundhouse, Camden. This was the first time I’ve been to Camden, and from what I could see, it was really fucking spectacular. Everything looked so cool and there were some very interesting styles of clothing there. The main thing I liked about it was that the people there are really into their piercings, and a lot of septum piercings were seen. We went into a pub before going to the gig, there was a man sat across from us that was covered in piercings and I was really intrigued by them, I may have possibly stared a little too much though as he moved away and stood somewhere else in the pub. The gig itself was really enjoyable, however there wasn’t as much wild dancing as I would have hoped. There was however, one super hot guy who I tried not to lose track of, but sadly my evening of gazing at him came to an end. The music was great, I just wish I gave myself a recap on her songs so I could sing a little more to them. The support act was Lianne De Havas, she was great too. After a long evening there we headed back to the train station where I saw my ex ex, Matt who was looking rather gorgeous I must say. He approached me and it was a really lovely shock, I haven’t seen him in a good year and haven’t spent time with him for about two. We dated at the start of 2009, stayed friends since however we’re not close at all anymore. He used to be Alex’s best friend, and they’re still very good friends now. I attempted to ring Alex again in the night, however he was out and couldn’t speak. It was a good day for me I must say.

27thSeptember2012

After just 3 hours of sleep it was safe to say I was going to be tired for the day, although I was a lot less tired than I expected, quite possibly less tired than what I would have been with more hours sleep. All of my college lessons went okay, however I got a little paranoid when it was time to catch the bus. In lunch time I spoke to a guy who I like called Iain, I’ve mentioned him before and I was excited as he was going to the gig that night too. My friend Scott stayed over tonight so we could go to a gig together and get back easily enough; Kids In Glass Houses. The night went okay, however we did end up kissing [from intoxication] and had a conversation about us two getting together, possibly through an open relationship. I didn’t want to say too much about Alex, but he already knew because our friend Rhys stupidly told him. I wasn’t too bothered that he knew, it probably just made it easier to explain everything and why it wouldn’t work out for the two of us. As I was drunk, I was seriously suggesting the idea of an open relationship, which was a big mistake but hey ho, I’m not too bothered. It got to the stage where I wasn’t drunk enough to kiss him again, and I managed to hold my ground no matter how much he begged for it. Scott was definitely taking advantage of me, but again, I’m not too bothered. I phoned Alex that night and discussed our thoughts on an open relationship, I’m not too sure whether he thought I was implying an open relationship between the two of us, or other people. My thought trail applied between Scott and me, but now that I think about it, it could well have applied to Alex and me too. I would share with you Alex’s opinions on open relationships, but sadly I cannot remember, so maybe that conversation will have to come up again. As for the gig, it was fucking amazing! I touched the main singers sweaty hand and had a really good time as it was a gig where everyone tends to do my favourite dance move; jumping. It was loud, wild and drunken, it truly was a good night although I wouldn’t have minded if the whole Scott thing didn’t go on.

26thSeptember2012

So all of my plans for today worked out well, I got myself ready to see Rachel in town, and followed it on with seeing Alex afterwards. I was feeling rather productive when I woke up, so I cleaned my fish tank and am now ready to be adding to my collection of 5 fish, which at the moment is looking pretty empty I must say. I will not though, be getting any guppies though hopefully as it’s a little hard of keeping on top of all the breeding they do. Town with Rachie was lovely, we had a nice catch up of about an hour talking about our summer, her fall out with the best friend and how things are with her boyfriend. We had Noodle Nation too which was of course yummy. We weren’t together for that long, but I appreciated seeing her as it had been so long since we had spent time together. Alex has seemed a bit moody for the past few days, and he has carried this on by refusing to meet up with me while I’m still with Rachel. He told me it’s because he didn’t want to take the time away from me that I was spending with Rachel, but it was okay in the end and we collected him up from playing games in HMV and had a short walk to the bus station. Alex and I hadn’t quite decided what to do, we discussed seeing a film together but when it got round to it there wasn’t much we wanted to go see or had time to watch. We ended up sitting on the cinema sofas, making our way to Noodle Nation [my second that day], getting a milkshake at a diner and then heading to the pub where I had a pint and we just sat and talked. While at the pub he mentioned that he noticed how I smile every time I look at him, I’m happy that he noticed and I think it’s rather sweet even if unintentional. On the bus back we got a little horny, but nothing too over the top happened.  It was an enjoyable day, followed by having to say goodbye to him and a satisfied walk home. I had my hair cut by Sean’s mum, spent a little time with Sean, cleaned all of my animal cages and then cleaned up the rest of my room with took me to late hours of the night. I was knackered afterwards however agreed to have a phone call with Alex that night so ended up speaking to him for a while. It was a nice phone call, like most over times.

24thSeptember2012

I'm very happy with my friend Weeden, although he should be a very damaged kid from all the abuse he has got, he's instead reasonably confident. He was abused in a social and verbal way, left out of groups and called names. I think a lot of him old friends may have only been friends with him to take the piss out of him, or been friends with him but took their insults too far and didn't realise what they're doing to him. My friend Weeden is socially awkward, but he can handle himself and feels comfortable being himself. I do like to encourage him all the time, simply because people have taken it too far in the past. I've been talking to him tonight via skype as he's gone off to uni now, he's enjoying it there and I'm very happy to hear people are treating him nicely. I do hope it stays this way, as he truly is a kind-hearted person.
I've been doing a bit of uni work tonight, it's all rather long and confusing but I'm sure I'll get there. I just need to make sure I know what needs to be done and keep track of everything which I have struggled with in the past. I've already forgotten what was asked of me from just a few days ago, not a good start at all. Apparently there will be quite a few dissections, which I am not okay with at all and am not too sure of how I will react while there's an animal part in-front of me. It would be a bit achievement for me if I did manage to, I can imagine there would be a few tears beforehand though, simply because of the thought of it. Cutting up dead animal parts is not something that appeals to me in the slightest!

25thSeptember2012

The main thing about my day was my driving lesson, it was two hours long and I’m well on my way to driving without assistance. The first half an hour went perfectly with no screw ups, we practiced my bay parking, turn in the road, emergency stop and reversing around a bend which all went reasonably well. From there however, it all got a little sloppy and I need to shape up for my driving practical on the 23^rd of this month [4 weeks away]. I’m a little nervous about it, but not as much as I was when it was first booked. I’ll be packing up a few driving lessons in the weeks before to get me in top shape for it. I’ve got plans to see Rachie tomorrow in town for Noodle Nation before she gets a bus to go see her boyfriend, so hopefully I’ll be seeing Alex afterwards as he ends his driving lesson at 2 and could end it in town easily. Hopefully all my plans will work out, I’m looking forward to it.

23rdSeptember2012

I am a picture person, so I don't quite understand why I do not use more photos on my blogs. I can imagine that I'd get carried away with the photo taking though and it would all be far too much. It's been another long day at work, but only four and a half hours today. It's strange that once I get attention from a male, I try to push them away as I'm in fear of letting go of Alex. This blog is a mess and it depresses me, I can't wait to start fresh in the next year, possibly through another blog website as this one cocks up when photo arranging and editing work that's already been done.

22ndSeptember2012

I'm so very sleepy, today at work has been VERY hectic! I got overtime that started at 12, and right from the start it was a busy day, I was supposed to be on shoes and accessories all day, however that didn't happen as many other sections needed extra help. I was only on shoes for around 20 minutes before I got called away to sort out the rail and put the clothes in the correct places as it was overflowing. Usually people would be recovering the clothes, which means making them look presentable, in size order and such, however it was far too busy for anyone to be able to waste valuable time doing that. It was only for the last hour that I ended up on the shoes, and it was an absolute tip! I wouldn't have been surprised if someone had planted a bomb in the middle and let it go off, it was a disgrace. I found a lot of odd shoes, it was quite irritating to say the least. I had an extremely nice surprise while at work though, my uncle Silbert came to see me who I haven't seen in a year! He's my closest uncle and I think this is down to his child-like ways, that I love dearly. One of my higher level staff, Emma called me to the front desk and told me to close my eyes while she led me to him [me completely clueless to what she was showing me], I was highly confused and only thought of animals as that was what we were talking about earlier on in the day. She told me to open my eyes and there was my uncle Silbert standing in front of me, I was extremely surprised and happy, far too much that my emotions got the better or me and I ended up crying with happiness while on the shop floor with other colleagues and customers around. As I had another break left we went outside so I could clean up my face, get fresh air and talk to him. I think what Emma did was a great idea, and Silberts too! I do love my uncle very much, he's such a kind hearted person and I very much enjoyed seeing him, even if it was for a little while and resulted with me in tears. Ahh I'm satisfied that I've seen him, I love him, I love him, I love him! :D

21stSeptember2012

I've been drinking again, I'd call it drunk and I've got the drunken munchies. I've had an enjoyable night with Nick and Seanie, however am extremely sleepy now and am off to bed at just gone 11. I was tired before even leaving, so I guess that's reasonable. Goodnighty now :)

20thSeptember2012

Telling you that I'm tired would be an understatement, I'm not use to getting out of bed daily, let alone either working or having to wake up early for college with long lectures for a good few hours. Although I've been rather sleepy, I have very much enjoyed doing something with my life which is improving my knowledge and my financial stability. I have missed learning at college throughout the summer, and today has been a re-cap on science based subjects as I've had anatomy & physiology and nutrition in the morning. In the afternoon I had an hour and a half on my project that I'll be completing throughout the year and another hour and a half in a business class, which we both got introduced to briefly. I really am going to try to keep on top of my work this year, but I suppose as I'm at a university level I have to! I found it difficult in science subjects over the many years of education, and the last two years in particular instead of doing my own work, I would get 'help' from other students that resulted in me not learning a lot about it at all. The same could be done again, however my work needs to go into a lot more detail and we will be having exams along with the many pieces of coursework. I'm looking forward to my lessons.
I have been over my best friend, Lean's house this evening, I've enjoyed seeing her greatly and it was very nice as I don't tend to go over hers and just chill with her with just the two of us as much as I use to. I love her parents and brother as they're very welcoming and I see them as one of my own. Lean has very recently got two Chinese dwarf hamsters and they have also acquired two rats since the last time I had been over. All four of the animals were very friendly, but some more confident than others. I would love to have a wide selection of rodents as they're probably my favourite class of animals, I think it's down to the simple fact that they're small and fluffy, although of course they come in many different types of sizes and textures. I feel like mammals are the most loving type of animals, which is probably true however a lot of research would need to have been done on that to get even a slight outcome from that. Well that's enough animal talk for tonight, goodnight :)

19thSeptember2012

Today at work has gone a lot better than yesterday, in general I felt more relaxed, I talked to colleagues more and got to know them much better, I feel like I fitted in. I was happy and the time went by much quicker, which pleased me greatly. The work was easy enough compared to yesterday though as I'd already had proper time on tills by myself. I've got an early morning as I've got college tomorrow, wish me luck!

18thSeptember2012

Last night really was terrible, I had an enjoyable day and evening but not the night. As I had been drinking my reactions were slow and off, when I tried to catch my chinchilla Rou I accidentally stood on him instead, he was seriously struggling and I thought I may have broken his neck or made him have a seizure. It didn't hit me very much at first as I had to stay calm because I was on skype, but I took him to my mum and said about going to the vets the following day is he's still not better and then I brought him back into my room and cried my eyes out while holding him close to me. He was unable to sit, lay straight up or walk properly without falling to the side. I realised after a while that it was his front right arm that I had hurt badly and comforted him, I really did think he was going to die. I phoned Alex as he's always good at calming me down and his voice soothes me major amounts. I wouldn't tell him at first why I was so upset, and it seemed as he was a little resentful for it rather than supportive; most likely because he knew I had been drinking and I tend to get emotional. I am so appreciative to Alex for last nights phone call, he was there when I needed him and it truly meant so much.
Today I've had overtime, it was horrible as I was on tills. I really don't like tills, I would much rather be somewhere where I can be by myself, talk to people if I want and do my own thing while working. I can only imagine I'll be on the tills again tomorrow, but I do hope not. I'll probably ask if I can not be on tills if I'm put on there. It's been an extremely long day and all I want to do now is curl up in a ball in my bed with my teddies, it would be rather lovely if Alex could join me too but there's sadly no chance of that.

17thSeptember2012

I'm drunk.. 6 jager bombs

16thSeptember 2012

Last night at Chris' went fine, as I said before but the morning was okay too. He took me home at around 11 as he had to start work at 12, which gave me time to get ready too and start work at an earlier time than usual at 2. I didn't do much at home once I got back home other than get ready for work, which went all fine. Something I'm not too okay with at work though is that there's a manager called Sam, personally I really like her and think she's really nice, I haven't seen her treat anyone differently to me but I guess I haven't seen all that much. There's a lot of people at work that don't seem to like her which I find sad, even people at work are a bit bitchy which I wouldn't have expected, but I guess that's just everywhere. I much prefer not to get involved in any bitching or anything like that, I don't feel there's any need for it and it's not nice. I suppose we all bitch a little at the best of times, but I'm just in a defending mood towards Sam at the moment as she's been very welcoming with me so far. Another manager though, Jenny, has stuck my back up a little today. I guess it is the managers job to make sure people are doing their work, however she definitely favours people over others. I was talking to another employee today at work once the shop had closed and we were just recovering the shop, we were talking for around 30 seconds about what bits need doing in the section that we were sorting out and Jenni said something like are you working, but in a rude tone. I think it's just her voice I don't like, and she doesn't smile that much either, I can imagine it can only go down from here with her. The thing that annoyed me most though is that she can clearly hear other people who have been working there for longer talking, and hasn't bothered saying anything to them. I've got on well so far with everyone I work with, other than Jenni and another manager guy who instead of teaching me how to recover properly, seemed to be telling me off about how I do it. I don't like either of their approach much, I feel they should be more on my level and talk kindly rather than seeming to put you down. Work's not that bad really, I just like complaining a lot.

15thSeptember2012

Work's gone well today, there's nothing much to say about it other than I'm getting money! My best friend Lean kindly took me home from work otherwise I would have had to walk for an hour and a half, then Chris came over and I stayed over his. He was of course trying things on, and I was a little turned on but not enough to lose my dignity and do anything with him, as it'd seem as if I was cheating on Alex. I had an enjoyable night although we didn't do much.

14thSeptember2012

Well I'm absolutely fucking knackered after another early morning and a day at college, even if it ended at 2.30 I still hadn't recovered from yesterday. There's a decent amount to say, especially about a guy called Scott, meeting new people and a phone call with my Alex, however I'll see how well I go with this. Okay so there's Scott, I met him yesterday through the course but he's on the FND, we'll be in a class together for one and a half hours a week and we haven't exactly talked that much, just a reasonable amount for friends to over two days. I'm not too sure what the fuck was really going through his mind, but he asked me out after just two days of knowing each other. Of course I turned him down, but nicely in a way that won't make him hate me or anything. He doesn't really seem to be accepting the rejection, instead saying we may get together when we know each other. He's confident, but not in a cocky way which is very hard to separate at times. I do like him, but he's no Alex. Someone I met today who's on a level two course and I had only been talking to for less than an hour squeezed my bum, I was really shocked and didn't know what to say. I am far too relaxed and should have told him where to go right from the start of the conversation as he is slightly offensive. He's a far too over the top person and I didn't like it at all, I never help myself in these situations at all. Of course I had to mention Alex somewhere properly so here we go. We had a phone call earlier that was lovely, he was in a tired mood which sometimes makes him a bit loved up, so he told me he missed me and wanted me to cuddle up in his bed with him. I miss him ridiculous amounts, fucking hell I wish we would get back together! He said though in our conversation the other day that we wouldn't ever get back together, it sickens me greatly hearing it but I'm never going to stop being hopeful and believe it.

13thSeptember2012

I've had my first day back at college after a rather long summer holiday which I enjoyed very much so. I'm looking forward to going back into education again but most definitely not early mornings or Harvard referencing. College was okay, however I did not do well with the morning at all after 4 hours sleep and a wake up at 6, compared to my usual time of until at least 10. I'm sad that a lot of my close friends have gone, however I've still got a few there that I'm close to, other that I talk to distantly and those that seem friendly enough and I can get to know. College will be on a Thursday and a Friday for me, which I'm not complaining about too much as it's been said that we'll probably be in for most of the rest of the week doing course work anyway. BCA really is a great college for animal management, what they have on site is really amazing and makes it a hell of a different from other colleges. Since I have been there they have kept on improving, they really do act upon suggestions and take the students thoughts into account. We should be getting raccoons, lemurs, meerkats, wild Scottish cats and many other interesting animals soon, those ones I'm particularly excited about though. I'm happy with the size of the class, there were only about 30 students which are divided into the FND and the HND course, so that'll probably be around only 15 students in my class that I spend my day with. I'm excited for starting, but these two days are induction so there's nothing too exciting to say about it.

12thSeptember2012

I've had an extremely good day spent with Alex. I woke at 10.10 so that I could clean my room, shower, do my face and get my stuff ready for my driving lesson and then seeing Alex. The original plan was that I'd end my driving lesson at his, stay there for a little while and then we'd both walk to mine and he'd stay until late. My driving lesson was good and I didn't cock up too much, we went on the dual carriageway for a bit which was my second time there. Afterwards I ended my driving lesson at his, and we ended up staying there until 8, walked to mine and was here for around 30 minutes - an hour before I walked him half way back home with Webster. On the way to mine I mentioned about him staying over mine for the night sometime and he replied with something like that we have to stop all of this sometime, this sent me to silence and plainly upset that the thought has come up from him once again. On the way back to his I was finally ready to talk about it again, I told him that I still loved him which I'm over the moon about as I've been wanting to say it to him for ages now, just to make sure he's aware. We also talked about him being with other girls and what we would be like if he was in a relationship and liked someone, which I told him I would not be okay with, but obviously I would have no opinion in and told him it's all about him, however I would probably have to stop talking to him because I know that I would not be able to control my emotions over him and there would be a big possibility that I would manage to get him to cheat on her with me. We also mentioned that for me to be okay with us not having this relationship between us, I'd have to stop talking to him as I'd just not be able to be just friends, and I reckon I'll sadly have that opinion forever. I do love Alex, that is for sure.

11thSeptember2012

Well my driving practical has finally been booked, and I'm fucking bricking it. I can imagine I'm going to need calming drops once again, it probably gives a false sense of security that thankfully works for me. It's booked for 6 weeks away on the 23rd of October, a Tuesday at 3.02. I'll be really happy to get it over and done with, but all I can do now is panic that I won't be good enough by then and fail miserably through panicking. One thing that I always panic at when in a driving lesson is when I have to do a turn in the road and there's other road users waiting for me, I tend to then complete fuck up and have a dreadful few minutes after. I've got a driving lesson tomorrow, that I will hopefully be completely focused for. It would be an amazing thing to pass my theory and practical both on my first try, but I don't want to jinx it at all. I can imagine my mum would make me pay for a driving practical if I failed the first time as that's what she said she would do for my driving theory, but I guess the theory is completely down to the amount of dedication I decide to put in. I'm going to get some rest now, but I can only imagine I'm going to be laying in bed awake for a while panicking over this. Hopefully I won't get too stressed out though, especially not so stressed out that spots come up on my face tomorrow all ready for me seeing Alex, ah we all know it's going to happen.

10thSeptember2012

I've been into town with mother today, it was enjoyable however it's safe to say that I'm now left feeling quite poor. I bought a couple bits of clothing, a good bit of cosmetics, electronics and food. I really do miss going into town often, but I really do need to get more money before I start to go in more regularly. It was slightly planned that Alex would be over mine tonight, just for the evening though rather than staying for the night. I am disappointed that it didn't happen, but I'm pretty okay with it as it means I'll be getting to see him on Wednesday instead, 3 - lateish. Well hopefully these plans will work out for me :)

9thSeptember2012

I really need lessons on how to write that will interest people, all my blog is at the moment is a reminder to me about what I did that day and my thoughts. It's hard to know what people dislike and like about my blog though as I've never had any feedback, and I'm not willing to get feedback from people that I know. I'm feeling to do a completely different style or writing in 2013, something which will hopefully bring people to my blog. Something with interesting topics which are already planned out and thought through before the day, along with my daily activities and my thoughts, I like the whole personal blog thing. I have been very successful with keeping my blog from everyone that I know, but sadly that's stayed the same with the rest of the population too. I don't mind having no viewers, however sometimes it gets lonely and I think to myself 'why am I doing this?', but really this does help me, everyone needs to express themselves properly every now and then and this works for me.

8thSeptember2012

Today I woke up at around 10 in the morning by twins that my mum nannys, cleaned my fish tank out, went to work, had NN, had family over and have been spending the late evening in my room online chilling to music and enjoying the company of my babies. My mum has nannied a family with four girls for the past two years now, which is the first time I've thought about how long it's actually been. She loves the girls dearly and knows their daily routine as she has been use to taking care of them 3 days a week but has now gone down to 1 day with them. I get to see them often as I'm welcome over their house and they sometimes come to mine to see my animals. The girls are very sweet and go as followed: Alice - 4, Emma - 3, Shaun & Zoe - 2 [or at least I think that's their ages anyway]. I am very much feeling for new tropical fish as my tank's now looking a little empty with only 6 fish; 3 yellow male guppies, a neon tetra and 2 glowlight tetra. They are beautiful fish but all rather small as they need to be able to fit into a 25cm cubed tank. The three yellow male guppies were bred from a two female and a male set that I had, but have sadly now gone / thankfully gone as they were taking all the space up with their fry. Work went well as per usual today, however there was a little bit of change to the fact that we had a training session on how to properly recover clothes, which included putting them in the right order, grouping the same clothes with each other, having all buttons / zips done up, making sure the right size label is on it, having the right hanger on it, making it look presentable and such, it was a lot of effort. I was working on home-wear today, which is reasonably easy as everything is set together in rooms and it's generally easy at finding where different things go. The manager of home-wear was in today so she showed me how to properly do things including how to fold the towels properly, however of course I still struggled. My problem today was that the team talk stuff lasted a while longer than it usually does because of the training and then I didn't properly start somewhere in my section, instead I was just going about where I pleased which was not organised at all and resulted in me leaving some stuff in a not so presentable manner. My manager said that I did a good job though, she is rather nice and I like her so far. Noodle Nation is definitely my favourite food, everyone's so nice there, it's cheap and the food tastes amazing. I went to NN with my cousin Shanice, who then drove us to my house to see the family. At home we mainly talked about random un-important stuff and watched the Paralympics, which was enjoyable. I've now been talking to Alex for a while tonight, however his internet's been playing up a little so that'll probably be the last of talking to him online. I'm very likely to right him in a while though once I've done my night routine of cigarette, toilet, bathroom, drink and saying goodnight to Webster. I do like my room very much, it makes me feel safe [unless there's a spider in the room of course].

7thSeptember2012

Last nights phone call with Alex went very well right from the beginning to end. We didn't mention that he thought I was seeming as if me talking to him was forced or that I felt like I was equalling it out as it didn't feel like he wanted to talk to me very much. The conversation was relaxed an happy, peace was made and everything is okay between the two of us. It's stupid yet amazing how in just a few seconds Alex can get me from not wanting to talk to him for a few months to then being madly into him again, he has complete power over me. I'm in a mood right now where I want to get back together with him, however I know that opinion will be soon changed as something'll pop up in our relationship as per usual. I do believe I still love Alex, and I will hopefully be telling him this soon. I feel like it's been a really long time since I've told him how I've properly felt. I think I should do it sober though as saying it when I've been drinking isn't the same and it doesn't give it a nice affect. The truth will eventually come out, and eventually the right thing will happen, whether that is us two being together and happy or finding other people and being happy with them instead.
I've been to watch the Paralympics this morning, it was the athletics at 10, which meant that I would have to left the house by 7 which is far too early! It was a very enjoyable day, although I prepared for cold weather not blazing hot weather which could roast you alive. We watched 100 meters and 200 meters sprint, javelin and discus. It was very interesting watching all of these in the Paralympics as they all had special requirements, such as needing silence for completion, running with someone so they know where to run, someone clapping down the running line so they know how close they are until they need to jump in the sand and other things for completely or partially blind people. I liked it very much and think it's wonderful that we have the Paralympics and it gets so much support.

6thSeptember2012

I've had a decent day, I've been with two friends walking around locally, it's better than stay indoors all day I must day. Alex and me are going to have a make up call now as thinks have been a little rocky, hopefully it'll go well!

5thSeptember2012

Well Amy's not in a happy mood, not even after the 2 pints and a can of Strongbow she's had. On a phone call I had will Alex earlier on the short journey home from the pub he said "can I go now", as if it's a chore to talk to me and that he'd much rather not even if we haven't spoken for the past few days. He can have another phone call in a little while asking if he agrees with me that it's best if we stop speaking either all together or for a little while. I'm far too attached to him than I should be, I shouldn't be thinking about how long we've been apart or that today would have made it our 3 years. I need to get over him and that is a simple fact.

4thSeptember2012

Well I had a little bit of a breakdown today, but it didn't last too long so that's okay. My mum heard me crying from outside my room so came in to comforted me, which helped but still I'm feeling quite upset. It was my dad that started me off once again, continuing to put me down and anger me even though he can already see how angry I am.
Shit, why am I still thinking about our 3 year anniversary if we broke up over a year and a half ago?! I wish he would let me get over him :(

3rdSeptember2012

I've been having a decently nice conversation on the phone with Alex today, although he was reasonably tired and dead like on the phone. It was only yesterday that I asked if he's doing anything tomorrow, to which he said nothing and now he's got plans and I won't be able to see him. I wanted to see him desperately  today and for him to stay over as it would have been our 3 year anniversary on the 5th, but I can only guess that he hasn't remembered nor does he care. It would make me extremely happy if he did ask to see me on Wednesday, but sadly that is very unlikely to happen as it won't process through his mind how much that day means to me or does he ever ask to meet up with me.
After being bummed out for a while, my friend Danielle from secondary school invited me out for dinner which cheered me up greatly as I haven't spent time with her for too long and we got to go to NN as well. It was really nice spending time with her, she's a kind hearted person who's easy to get along with. I must see her again soon, I'll make it my mission!

2ndSeptember2012

I've been looking into becoming a test subject and a blood donor this evening, I wouldn't mind doing either as long as it fits into my routine and I get decent amounts of money for it. Giving blood is obviously a big thing to other people, but for me it's a huge fear. I'm scared of needles, and have an emotional breakdown any time I'm due for a jab update. I would love to 'save lives', but what if those lives are bad ones which harm other people, and more importantly animals. I'm also scared of hospitals and am not fond of taking tablets either, I haven't taken any since my overdose in December 2008 which nearly took my life.
Animals are definitely life's best creation in my opinion, excluding people of course as they're not so great at all. I don't agree with making anyone else making life worse for someone else, although more times than less that is almost impossible. I say I hate people often, but really there are kind-hearted people out there who would do no harm to anyone, and hopefully one day I can be one of those people.

1stSeptember2012

Here comes a rocky September, problems with Alex are bound to come my way, struggles of getting use to college again and more stress of home life. I got a call from work yesterday telling me that I can have extra hours for either 10 or 12 today, obviously I took the 12 O'clock one so that I could get a little more sleep and only 8 hours of work. This is the first 8 hour day I have done for money, and I enjoyed it. There was however a man named something which I can't remember so I will call him Zi, he's a higher ranking person who decides where all the womens-wear gets placed. At first I was getting along with him, until he started nitpicking at the things I was doing, it got a little irritating as if he was putting me down, but I dealt with it fine enough. I did enjoy my day and think I could deal with an 8 hour shift weekly, however that'll do me for now. Afterwards I walked to my nans with my cousin who walked with me for about half way, spent a little bit of time with them and then my nan kindly took me home so that I didn't have to walk an hour and a half home in the dark. I also visited Dominoes, which has very disappointing prices for what you're getting. It was tasty however Jimmy's pizza is far better and they're mine. A long day makes for a very tired Amy.