It's my good friend Alex's 19th birthday today. He means a damn lot to me so I feel writing a little bit about him on his birthday will do good for me. We've been very close friends for over three years now, it all started off with introduction from friends. It wasn't long after properly speaking to him that I gained feelings for him, and just after a month it was driving me insane that I had to tell him. He's very clueless when it comes to how much he means to people, and how to act around girls as he went to an all boys secondary school and didn't have many female friends at all. It was on a night that I broke down when I finally told him that I liked him, as it was a very lonely night for me and I felt like I needed to express to him how I really felt. About a month after that he gained the courage to ask me out, which came as a shock to me as it was never made clear to me how he felt. I didn't need any thoughts about it, and said yes straight away. Our relationship lasted for a year, five months and three weeks, until he sadly broke up with me as he 'felt like he saw me as a friend more than a girlfriend'. It was a hard moment for us both, and still to this day we have not managed to break off that relationship that we had then. Alex has always been there for me, and he's usually the first person I go to for any help that I may need. I am seriously attatched to him and one day hope to get back together, although he has said several times that there's no chance of this. I have stayed hopeful about being in a relationship with him again, and it looks as if it'll stay like this for many years to come until either of us find someone else to have an intimate loving relationship with. I do still love him, and I care for him very much.
A couple of months ago my friend told me that we could no longer talk to each other, as things were easier for him before he moved to my area and gained any friends. This break off didn't last long at all, where he apologised that month and said that he wants to remain friends. Since then my tolerance of him has been low, and I feel scared about the thought of him trying to cut off the contact again. I don't mean to do it, but I keep causing little pretty arguments between the two of us, nothing that will kill the friendship, but instead little humps between the two of us. I'll be spending all day tomorrow with him, and I'm in serious hope that I can forget about being bitchy towards him, and instead be appreciative of how much he does for me. There's many things about him which irritate me, and at a time like now it's really not doing me any good.
Today I have been at work, and just like yesterday, it has been a very busy day as everyone's been in to do some Christmas shopping. I do very much enjoy my work, and everyone's so lovely, they really do look out for me and they feel like a family to me. Someone I work closely with had their final day today, it came as a shock and it's safe to say that I will miss working with her. All in all, it has been a good day for me, although tiring. I'm off to bed now, with my darling cat, Jasper <3
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