3rdFebruary2013

I've been at work for most of today, and it's been reasonably busy. I seem to have noticed my work performance dropping as of late, I have vague memories of being able to get through three walls at work in four hours, but lately I seem to be rushing through everything and doing half a job. I think my managers expect too much of me, either that or I really need to step up in my work pace. I don't really think I do that badly though, as I don't spend a lot of time talking and loitering about like some people in the work place. It irritates me at times to think about how little some people do at work, and how much they get away with.

Although we had already concluded that we would not be seeing each other this evening, I still stayed in hope that we somehow would do. Sadly we have not seen each other this evening, and we will not be seeing each other this evening. I was in so much hope that I would have a text from him saying that he changes his mind and that he is perfectly free to see me this evening, but instead, nothing. I am feeling down that I wasn't able to see him, but it hasn't been that bad of an evening to be fair. It's getting to the point that I haven't seen him in so long (3 weeks), and we haven't spoken that much at all, that it's really getting to me and all of my focus seems to be on him. I hate my routine I have with him; see him, have huge urges to see him, wanting to see him, be fine with not seeing him for a few days, wanting to see him, have huge urges to see him, and then see him. If it's possible to get addictions to people, I am certain to have it over him.

This evening (other than obsessing over him) I have seem my family as they came over to my house for a little while; it was nice spending time with my family, especially my little cousin even if I did have coursework to do. The rest of the evening has been spent attempting to structure a hamster maze for my HND project: "the affect of gender, age, and housing on the performance of a Syrian hamster in a spatial maze". It's been hard work, made harder by how tired I am. It's not difficult work as such, just takes a lot to get your head around the measurements and such. My mother has been extremely helpful tonight, being really caring about my course and me. My dad's been helpful too, with measuring and cutting out the cardboard fittings.