I'm trying to keep up with writing these blog posts daily again, it's been years since I did so. I'm writing them again because I believe they helped me get things off my chest. Most days I don't have much to talk about, but it will be good to get into a routine for when I do have something I need to talk about. I want a routine, I want to sort my life out, but I am just such a fickle person. For about a week I will really be into something, so much that I will think about it or do it constantly, and then after the week is over I won't go back to it again. Fickleness can be applied to almost every aspect of my life, it really is terrible. I try to have will power, but I am lacking. The main thing I want to change and make a permanent routine at the moment is my weight, in just two years I have put on 2 stone. To be fair, I did lose a stone in a short amount of time prior to that because I was going on holiday, but I'm not exactly happy with my weight now. I tend to lose weight just before going on holiday, but that's about it. I have a holiday coming up at the start of February to Hawaii with family, but so far I have not made any reductions in my weight. I have joined a gym, but I'll call it good if I even go once a week. I make far too many excuses and far too many promises to go another day. I have however got a little better at walking my dog Luna, but we shall have to see how long that lasts. My eating habits are disgraceful, I like to binge eat, usually in the mornings. I'm absolutely fine when out of the house, but before or after work I end up taking about 10 trips to the fridge. I try to tell myself not to eat anything through the day, but I am so weak. I work much better under pressure, so perhaps the fact that the holiday is only 2 months away will do me good. There's just too much tasty vegan junk food!
My day today consisted of sitting in bed watching telly and eating food in the morning, going to work in the afternoon, and then coming back home to watch telly in bed again and eat some more food. My life is a bit repetitive, and not in a healthy way, I need to find a bit of purpose and motivation.
Going back to what I said before.. I know I should really be talking to my family and friends about anything that is stressing me out, but it's been so long since I have done so that I'm not really sure how to go about it any more. I want to be open with people, but I feel like they will judge me or cloud my mind of what I really think or feel, I'm easily persuaded and influenced. For example, people in relationships will only really talk to their friends about the bad stuff in the relationship, and bypass the good. This makes the friends have a bias view because it's difficult to see how well a relationship is if you're only aware of the negativity. This was definitely the case with mine and Tom's relationship when we broke up a few months ago. I do honestly think his friends thoughts and views influenced his. It's a shame really, I know it's okay to talk to friends, but I tend to leave it for when I really need their help and am very desperate. I do however know that if and when I need their support, that they are all there for me, and they all know the exact same. I may not talk to my friends regularly, but I still think we have a strong bond, especially Leanne. I sometimes get frustrated with what Leanne thinks is wrong or right, her behaviours and actions, but she will always be my first point of call when I am in a struggle. It's important to know who your friends are.
No comments:
Post a Comment