I'm trying to keep up with writing these blog posts daily again, it's been years since I did so. I'm writing them again because I believe they helped me get things off my chest. Most days I don't have much to talk about, but it will be good to get into a routine for when I do have something I need to talk about. I want a routine, I want to sort my life out, but I am just such a fickle person. For about a week I will really be into something, so much that I will think about it or do it constantly, and then after the week is over I won't go back to it again. Fickleness can be applied to almost every aspect of my life, it really is terrible. I try to have will power, but I am lacking. The main thing I want to change and make a permanent routine at the moment is my weight, in just two years I have put on 2 stone. To be fair, I did lose a stone in a short amount of time prior to that because I was going on holiday, but I'm not exactly happy with my weight now. I tend to lose weight just before going on holiday, but that's about it. I have a holiday coming up at the start of February to Hawaii with family, but so far I have not made any reductions in my weight. I have joined a gym, but I'll call it good if I even go once a week. I make far too many excuses and far too many promises to go another day. I have however got a little better at walking my dog Luna, but we shall have to see how long that lasts. My eating habits are disgraceful, I like to binge eat, usually in the mornings. I'm absolutely fine when out of the house, but before or after work I end up taking about 10 trips to the fridge. I try to tell myself not to eat anything through the day, but I am so weak. I work much better under pressure, so perhaps the fact that the holiday is only 2 months away will do me good. There's just too much tasty vegan junk food!
My day today consisted of sitting in bed watching telly and eating food in the morning, going to work in the afternoon, and then coming back home to watch telly in bed again and eat some more food. My life is a bit repetitive, and not in a healthy way, I need to find a bit of purpose and motivation.
Going back to what I said before.. I know I should really be talking to my family and friends about anything that is stressing me out, but it's been so long since I have done so that I'm not really sure how to go about it any more. I want to be open with people, but I feel like they will judge me or cloud my mind of what I really think or feel, I'm easily persuaded and influenced. For example, people in relationships will only really talk to their friends about the bad stuff in the relationship, and bypass the good. This makes the friends have a bias view because it's difficult to see how well a relationship is if you're only aware of the negativity. This was definitely the case with mine and Tom's relationship when we broke up a few months ago. I do honestly think his friends thoughts and views influenced his. It's a shame really, I know it's okay to talk to friends, but I tend to leave it for when I really need their help and am very desperate. I do however know that if and when I need their support, that they are all there for me, and they all know the exact same. I may not talk to my friends regularly, but I still think we have a strong bond, especially Leanne. I sometimes get frustrated with what Leanne thinks is wrong or right, her behaviours and actions, but she will always be my first point of call when I am in a struggle. It's important to know who your friends are.
Simply a diary of my life from the start of 2012 and following to the year 2013. Please like or dislike my blogs and feel very free to leave a comment (: I will apologise for how much I can ramble on about nothing important. I hope you enjoy my blogs and have a lovely day :D
21st November 2017
Today I am feeling a little under the weather. After just 6 hours and 50 minutes of sleep I had to head into work for a 8.30 - 6.15 shift. The lack of sleep was definitely my fault, I end up sitting on my iPad for far too long when about to head to bed. I get distracted by the most minor of things and can end up spending an hour reassuring into stuff that I really don't care about. I also blame the alcohol consumption for last nights poor quality of sleep. I spend my nights in a single bed with Luna. It's not the comfiest sleeping with a 27kg dog, but she does keep me warm and comforted, I just wish she would give up the habit of nudging me to help her under the duvet. She is very sweet looking when sleeping.
Today at work we had a new lady that I had to train. First off we started cleaning out the animals, I explained how to clean out the small animals and then cracked on with the bird enclosures. It took her a while to get everything done, but it's to be expected on her first day. She hasn't ever worked or studied animals, so there's a bit or work to be done. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her properly because most of the day was spent with her reading through outdated paperwork. I must admit that I was rather jealous because I would have loved the chance to sit out the back away from customers. The majority of customers are pleasant, it's probably only around once a week that I have to deal with someone lacking a few brain signals. I'd take animal customers than clothing customers any day!
I sold a couple of Guinea Pigs today, the lady had recently lost her one so she thought she'd surprise her daughter once she came home from school. It was a fairly easy sale as she was already clued up about the Guineas of course. My favourite animals to sell are either hamsters or fish. I like selling hamsters because after owning many of my own I am very clued up about them and can answer almost any questions I am asked about them. I also like selling fish because they are easy, the only things to check with the customer is whether they have a heater, filter, clear water, use the correct treatment and if they are going straight home. I've recently acquired some tropical fish, but I'll mention that on another day.
Nothing much happened at work really, just deliveries, deliveries and more deliveries. Having something to do did make the working day pass quickly though, so I appreciate that. Tuesdays are when both of my nans come round for dinner, we all had a chicken curry, mine however was Quorn chicken pieces, it is without a doubt my favourite dinner. It was nice to see my nan after the break in yesterday, she seems a lot less anxious today and more settled. She will be staying around my aunty Fiona's again tonight as the police need to come round to do some forensics, see if they can find anything worthwhile. I really do hope they find the bastards, but again I am doubtful.
Today at work we had a new lady that I had to train. First off we started cleaning out the animals, I explained how to clean out the small animals and then cracked on with the bird enclosures. It took her a while to get everything done, but it's to be expected on her first day. She hasn't ever worked or studied animals, so there's a bit or work to be done. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her properly because most of the day was spent with her reading through outdated paperwork. I must admit that I was rather jealous because I would have loved the chance to sit out the back away from customers. The majority of customers are pleasant, it's probably only around once a week that I have to deal with someone lacking a few brain signals. I'd take animal customers than clothing customers any day!
I sold a couple of Guinea Pigs today, the lady had recently lost her one so she thought she'd surprise her daughter once she came home from school. It was a fairly easy sale as she was already clued up about the Guineas of course. My favourite animals to sell are either hamsters or fish. I like selling hamsters because after owning many of my own I am very clued up about them and can answer almost any questions I am asked about them. I also like selling fish because they are easy, the only things to check with the customer is whether they have a heater, filter, clear water, use the correct treatment and if they are going straight home. I've recently acquired some tropical fish, but I'll mention that on another day.
Nothing much happened at work really, just deliveries, deliveries and more deliveries. Having something to do did make the working day pass quickly though, so I appreciate that. Tuesdays are when both of my nans come round for dinner, we all had a chicken curry, mine however was Quorn chicken pieces, it is without a doubt my favourite dinner. It was nice to see my nan after the break in yesterday, she seems a lot less anxious today and more settled. She will be staying around my aunty Fiona's again tonight as the police need to come round to do some forensics, see if they can find anything worthwhile. I really do hope they find the bastards, but again I am doubtful.
20th November 2017
Sundays and Mondays are my day off. This morning from around 9.30 - 2.15 I spent my morning with Tom around my house before he had to fuck off for work. It was a fairly pleasant morning, we walked Luna to the mead which is a field by my house which takes around 20 minutes to do a lap. I found a tennis ball while walking though the grassy area, something which Luna does not tend to play with while outside of the house, yet today she was very interested in it and even brought it back to us a few times to kick again. Once back home we got passionate, and after cooked up some spring rolls and some samosas. Tom doesn't like to eat much, instead he says that he is not hungry, but I try not to think too much of it. Just before he left we watched an episode of Lost, we are finally on the last season after probably watching it for a whole year. We both very much enjoyed Lost at first, but now it's just getting a bit silly, but because we're so far into it we're a bit too stubborn to just ditch it. After Tom left I watched some programmes and played around a little, but we shan't say much about that. I have been drinking since 5 O'clock today, I've planned to have 5 cans of Strongbow and that's what I have stuck too, mainly because I'm a light weight and I have work again in the morning. Tonight has been sadly eventful, my dad recieved a call from my aunty Fiona saying that my nan had been broken into. As we live only a 5 minute walk away we decided to head straight over to be with my nan and aunty at my nans home. The house wasn't terribly trashed, all the cupboard doors were open, letters had been pulled from the draws and placed onto the sofa and there was dirt all over the floor. They had broken in by the front room window which opens onto the garden area, the window however did not seem to be broken in the slightest. We're all uncertain how this person or group got in, but they managed somehow. The only things which seem to be missing at the moment are a laptop and a few pound coins, which quite frankly is very lucky. I am very happy that my Nan was not in the house at the time of the break in otherwise this could have all been so much worse. When visiting, my nan was of course shaken up. She is staying round my aunty Fiona's for the night, and I am unsure on when she shall return to her home. Robbing someone is such an evil thing to do, I somewhat understand 'finders keepers' (to a limit), and robbing a shop for food, but robbing someone to sell stuff on is just unnecessary. I don't know what trauma this has caused my nan so far, but I know it is not worth the price of a laptop. The police were called round and apparently didn't do much, however I can't comment too much as I was not there when they visited. I'm very doubtful of them ever finding the person who did this, and unfortunately I'm almost certain they will get away with it. The only thing will be what plays through their mind, but I'm sure their thought processes are short and not well planned through. Fuck anyone who takes something from someone else for their own personal gain.
19th November 2017
It has been quite a few years since any of my postings, but I feel an update is in need. I enjoy reflecting on my past, it allows me to see what I have overcome and what I am still struggling with. Carrying on from my post over 3 years ago.. Alex and me said goodbye, and I have only contacted him a few times by text when it gets really hard or on birthdays / occasions. It has now been 11 months since we last spoke, on his birthday. Rob broke things off with me because I kept my relationsip with Alex going on for far too long. Months after, I sent him a letter to apologise for how I treated him, he is now in a long loving relationship and I am glad for him.
So my life now.. I currently have one part time job at Jollyes which is 24.75 hours a week on minimum wage. I still smoke and I still drink regularly. My rent costs me £200 a month which leaves me with about £400 a month for spending. I am with a lovely man called Tom, whom I have been with for a year and 4 months, since the 11th of July 2016. We of course have had our issues, but I do believe we have the power to pull through almost anything. We met at my first job, Matalan. I met him when he was just 16 years old and I was 19, keep in mind I am 23 now. We were really good friends at work, we would always make each other laugh by messing up each other's departments. It was depression that bonded us, we both went through it and went on medication because of it. We have very similar taste in music and we get along wonderfully. I probably do depend on him more than I should do, but at least I have made improvements from the last relationship. We are strong, I know it.
Currently I live with my parents. In my home I live with Rou the chinchilla, Milo and Spyro the ferrets, Luna the dog, some pond fish and from a couple of days ago, some tropical fish. I sleep with Luna most nights, she is much better behaved than Webster ever was. I feel he knew when I needed him much more than she knows, although perhaps I just need less support than I did years ago. I love all of my companions very much so.
Perhaps I shall keep up with these blog posts, perhaps I shall not. Talk to you soon, maybe.
So my life now.. I currently have one part time job at Jollyes which is 24.75 hours a week on minimum wage. I still smoke and I still drink regularly. My rent costs me £200 a month which leaves me with about £400 a month for spending. I am with a lovely man called Tom, whom I have been with for a year and 4 months, since the 11th of July 2016. We of course have had our issues, but I do believe we have the power to pull through almost anything. We met at my first job, Matalan. I met him when he was just 16 years old and I was 19, keep in mind I am 23 now. We were really good friends at work, we would always make each other laugh by messing up each other's departments. It was depression that bonded us, we both went through it and went on medication because of it. We have very similar taste in music and we get along wonderfully. I probably do depend on him more than I should do, but at least I have made improvements from the last relationship. We are strong, I know it.
Currently I live with my parents. In my home I live with Rou the chinchilla, Milo and Spyro the ferrets, Luna the dog, some pond fish and from a couple of days ago, some tropical fish. I sleep with Luna most nights, she is much better behaved than Webster ever was. I feel he knew when I needed him much more than she knows, although perhaps I just need less support than I did years ago. I love all of my companions very much so.
Perhaps I shall keep up with these blog posts, perhaps I shall not. Talk to you soon, maybe.
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