31st July 2013

I'm not putting any ideas forward about my death happening any time soon, but I would just like to state what I would like clearly. I would like to be buried where my uncle and cousin were buried; in Wooburn Green. I did not know either of them, and I do not feel like they were known well while they were alive, as my cousin died a few months after birth, and my uncle decided to end his life as a teen as he didn't want to spend the rest of his life taking pills which meant he would stay alive. I want to be buried there because I feel I also am not know, I don't know myself, and other people sure don't either. The songs to be played at my funeral are 'Kid Cudi - The Prayer', 'Lebo M - He Lives In You' and 'Ed Sheeran - Kiss Me'. I stand strong with these songs, and this has been decided a long time ago. I don't wish for everybody to stand in front of everyone at my funeral and talk about me (although they are welcome to if they have the strength to), but I would be more than welcoming if they would like to write me a letter and bury it with me. I don't know if my death will be intentional or not, but I would like my close friends and family to know that I love them dearly, and that I forgive them for any hurt that they may have given me. Any animals that I may have must be kept with my mother, as she is a good mother to me and I know that she will take very good care for them. I just hope you're happy that I lived.

4thJuly2013

I really have no idea what to do with myself any more, the only thing that comes to mind is to drink myself to death. Everything is really pushing me to the edge at the moment, and I'm not able to cope with it. Everything is working against me, and there's nowhere to turn for help. All the help I've asked for, refuses me. I am all alone, and there is nothing I can do. This place isn't doing anything to help me any more, but I can't get away from it.